Me and my promises to God we both know I’m probably not capable of keeping.

October 12, 2011 in Me and My Public Self

OK…I’m just gonna cut to the chase.

I damn near thought I was going to faint in front of every single upper-level executive management human being at the office today.

Seriously.  And I’m not meaning that lightly like saying, “Oh, I almost fainted” in a dainty, kinda high-pitched voice as in just finding out I won a gym membership (which you and I both know, I totally would NOT faint over) or something really big I can’t even think of now.  This was serious stuff.

Two words:  Surprisebirthday party.

Two more words:  For mybigboss.

After scrambling around finding a cake cutter, figuring out how to get that hard plastic lid off the cake, popping open bags of kettle corn and such…I realize NO ONE IS HERE AND THE SURPRISE HAPPENS IN LIKE 7 MINUTES.

I was so not doing this alone.  The superiorly sweet girl I work with is certainly doing more than her fair share.  Actually, probably more than me.  But she’s way young.


I start blowing through the building like a rabid dog in heels (and barely any lipgloss at this point) reminding those invited THE PARTY STARTS ANY MINUTE…FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

(Trust me.  These are all uber-professional people.  And they know I walk right on the edge of having any professionality (or shame), but yet…they love tolerate me anyway.  After 6 years, I still don’t know why.)

Within minutes, and before birthday boy arrives to the meeting he has been faked into going to…we’re all in this big conference room.  About 20 people.

And I start to glisten.

No.  I’m lying.  Straight-up sweat.  And if I’m not gonna be excited about winning that gym membership, odds are I don’t love to sweat.

The second-in-command is at my left.  Human Resources is at my right.  And I can hear them talking to me, but remember when you were a kid and you and a friend would stick a string through a couple of cans and act like it was a phone line and chat?  That’s what it was like.

Uh, huh.

And it was like I was looking at them through pantyhose.  Not that I even know what that’s like…I’m just imagining.  Kinda fuzzy…not real clear.  But I knew they were there.

Everything was in slow motion.  I was in my own movie.

It was then, I started making all kinds of promises to God that we both knew I probably wasn’t capable of keeping.

“If you just get me back to my cube, I swear I’ll ease up on the cursing.”

“Please let me get through the door without falling against the frame and I’ll never stick a weenie in an office plant again.”

“I promise to never do whatever you want me to never do again if you just don’t let me fall butt-up in front of all of these people!”

As gracefully as I could, I swaggered my way out of that conference room and back to my home away from home.


Thank you, Jesus.

After about 18 minutes of fanning my sparkly face and chugging down water…I was good.

I know it’s just Wednesday.  But between forming an office kickball team, helping throw together this surprise party and now having to shave my legs, it’s already been a full week for me.

No need for any medicinal advise or home remedies.  No, I’m not going to the doctor.  Don’t go there.

If anything…just cross your fingers I can hold up my end of the promises.  I gotta stand in front of about 30 people next week for a presentation and well, I’m gonna need God to hold up on his end.

And I apologize for no pictures.  I hate blogging with no pictures.

Well, hang on.  Here’s one I took the other week.  And it really doesn’t count as cursing ’cause the “t” isn’t showing.

And even though this is my outlook most of the time, I’m not actually saying it.

Out loud.

So, I’m still good on that first promise.

Breane Dooley October 12, 2011 at 8:26 pm

LOL – The weenie in the plant was seriously hilarious. BTW, what’s up with Ms. Cepak?! He was like WAY late today. And yes, I gave him shit.

PS – I’m sure the party was a hoot.
PPS – Next time there’s cake, why don’t you call my fat fanny?! 😉

Carrie October 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Well, next time I will. Providing I don’t have a death grip on the railing back to my cube. And there’s puh-lenty left. Come by tomorrow.

Jennifer October 12, 2011 at 9:09 pm

OMLord. I’m so glad that you didn’t faint.
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Carrie October 12, 2011 at 9:24 pm

You and me both. And of course it happens within an hour of quittin’ time.

Karyn October 12, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Weird, what do you think it was? Not eating? Panic attack? Stress? Nothing worse than feeling that way in the middle of an inopportune time and having no idea why and thus no idea when it might happen again! Glad you got yourself sorted!
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Carrie October 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Who knows…between the barely making time for lunch then running like a fool from floor to floor, coulda been anything.

Welcome to my world.

Karyn October 12, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Its strange isn’t it, how some people have dramatic things happen to them ALL the time, and others, well, they just sit and watch the show. Still, as hubby says “If shit didn’t happen to you, you’d have nothing to write about!”
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Carrie October 12, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Your man is absolutely, without a doubt…100% correct.

It’s bad when whoever I’m with says “…and if you put this in your damn blog, I’ll hunt you down!” Now THAT’S the good stuff!

Karyn October 12, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Girl, that right there is an INVITATION to post!

Scott October 12, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Are you feeling nauseous in the morning? Do you clothes not fit quite right? Any cravings? Hmmm………

Carrie October 12, 2011 at 10:53 pm

I get nauseous every time I hear the alarm in the morning. And a woman’s clothes never fit like she wants! My whole life is a craving.

It’s all good. =)

Tricky October 12, 2011 at 10:15 pm

If it helps, next time you got that bunch in a room together and feeling off, stop, sit and imagine everyone in drag. If you can keep from laughing you should be good. Endorphins do wonders.

Carrie October 12, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Now THAT is an idea!

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