I discovered this morning around 5:17 a.m., it’s not that I don’t like getting up early on a Saturday, it’s that I don’t like getting dressed.
And then at 6:42 a.m., I discovered the smart sister was awake.
Me: “Oh, my God!! HELLO?”
Her: “I know you’re up. You just ‘liked’ a status update on Facebook.”
Me: “Are you kidding me? So you call??”
What is she? The damn family stalker?
Conversation was had. Mostly by her. I just occasionally grunted in agreement to whatever she was rattling about.
(Hang on. I’m gonna go kill the neighbors dog real quick. It has a bark that isn’t rhythmic and well…it’s just got to go. Unless the neighbor is out there, then they’re about to meet their maker. I’ll be right back.)
(I’m back. I don’t really hate this dog.
Yes, I do. It’s just that the idiot owner comes behind MY balcony and throws the ball the dog chases and non-rhythmically barks at. I’m sure it won’t happen much anymore though. They saw me glaring at’em when I was just taking this picture and probably think I’m some creepy neighbor that’s gonna complain about their yappy ass dog. Which I sho’ don’t mind doing, if necessary.)
Anyway. Back to this morning.
I got up and got dressed. Loathe.
Mom and Dad’s neighborhood was having a big ol’giant old people garage sale, so I headed that way. And yes, smart sister met me out there. I mean, why not? SHE WAS UP, RIGHT?
Here’s proof of the garage sale and that I ain’t lying:
Uh, huh. Lou Rawls. Vinyl.
“You’ll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender, like I do.
You’ll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you, the way I do.
Whoa, I’m not braggin’ on myself, baby
But I’m the one who loves you
And there’s no one else, no-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else”
Now. Trust me. I was there. In a sea of geriatrics.
We’re at this big garage sale, walking around, dodging old men, the weather is fabulous and all of a sudden…Dancing Queen is blaring.
The song. Dancing Queen. Blaring. Loud.
And lo and behold,
her our mother is involved in some flash mob thing going on.
I started to pray to die, but then pulled back on that one. I realized I didn’t really know anyone out there but smart sister and Dad, so…HE could be embarrassed because HE knows EVERYBODY out there.
Lucky you, Dad.
She told me afterwards during the flash dance or whatever it is, she felt a gust of air.
Yep. Her damn tube top under her long-sleeve shirt just rolled on down. Exposing her red bra.
(Red? Really mom? Can you for once act your age and maybe wear a white Cross Your Heart or something?)
I was elated she even had one on.
Here’s the whole group of Dancing QUEEN dancers:
Yes. That’s a dude. With boobs. I know. But do you see the tiara?? That’s what I’M talking about!
The smart sister and I mosey around for a few hours checking out lots of stuff and meeting some really fabulous people…really. All in all, it was a fun morning.
So, I left.
Next thing I know, I’m buying two bottles of wine. At the local winery. If you’re ever in Georgetown, Texas…don’t leave till you go by the Georgetown Winery. And tell Becca her hair looks amazing. Cause it does.
Way better than it did.
But do NOT tell her THAT part.
They have great little items besides wine. Fun stuff.
And I found this little gem while I was shopping around:
(And it’s gonna take a WHOLE lotta drinkin’ to make that a cute boobed-dude Dancing Queen in the earlier picture.)
I’m about to head out because I want to buy that new Tony Bennett CD “Duets: An American Classic.” I’ve got a little shopping to do.
Isn’t Tony Bennett pretty geriatricky?
I think I’m seeing a theme here for my day.
UPDATE – 10/02/2011 – MORE THAN 24 HOURS LATER: I have not seen nor heard a non-rhythmic peep from that yappy ass dog. I guess we know whose bark is bigger now. Or at least whose has rhythm. Uh, huh…