Remember what mom always said about clean underwear? Well, it now matters.

December 22, 2011 in Crap I Was Considerate Enough to Not Bother You with Before Now.,Hit or Miss...kinda like my dating life.

OK.  Get this.

The nieces came to the work joint this week to have lunch with us.

“Us” being me (of course) and their mom…the smart sister.

(They think it’s all funny they’re out of school and WE have to work.  Whatever.)

(Yes, the smart sister and I work at the same company.  Again, whatever.)

They’re 11 and 12.  And as you can imagine, they feel they know most everything there is to know about most everything there is to know about.

And you know how kids, just before they hit that pubertyish stage, get all greasy-headed, odorish and just kinda gross if you don’t stay on top of them?

Yeah.  These two have hit that stage.

But I did, too, back in my day.

I remember mom barking crap like, “Did you even brush the back of that head?”

Uh, no.  Nobody sees it from the front.

And stuff like, “You don’t think you’re leaving this house looking like THAT, do you…young lady?”

Uh, no.  I’m not wearing THIS shit anywhere.  The really hot looking cool stuff is in this backpack and by backpack I mean ‘shoulder closet’ and I’m gonna change in the car as soon as I leave this joint.

Yeah.  That kind of stuff.

Anyway.

The smart sister called them that morning to remind them to get cleaned up and be “presentable” (like they have a clue or even care what that is) when they came up.

“She” is all nice and motherly.

“I”…not so much.

I called later that morning and said, “Don’t be bringing a greasy head or some grimey ass clothes up here for these people I work with to look at you in.”

(It’s all about me.)

(And they know it.)

Our mom (their grandmother they lovingly refer to as “Nae Nae”…yeah, the sound a horse makes) was bringing them up for lunch so I had to get it in gear.

I got the ok from smart sister to do this.  No way am I pissing those kids off at ME before a holiday.

When we have visitors at our work joint, they have to check-in with security guards at the front desk before they can come back into the building.  They sign in on this sign-in book thing, get name badges…the whole crap.

So, I gave the security guards a little heads-up on their nearing arrival.

And requested they have the girls sign a “release form” before entering the building.

(Of course, as you might well imagine I know the security guards as I know most everyone in our building of several hundred people.)

(As timid and shy as I am…I get around.)

(Not like that.)

Anyway.

Here’s the “release form” they had to sign:

(That I made up.)

(Figuring it would chap their asses.)

(Because when you’re an aunt to two precious little pre-teens, you look for reasons to make them glare and swear at you under their breath.)

Uh, huh. I am goooood.

Surprisingly, they fell for it and signed the damn thing.

Giggling and laughing the whole time.

“I can’t believe people really have to fill this out!”

“Oh, my God!  It’s asking about my underwear!”

They really thought it was legitimate and kept shaking their head.

(Should that be ‘heads’ or ‘head’?)

(Nevermind.)

THE WHOLE TIME THEY WERE JUST-A CIRCLING ANSWERS.

I’m good.

Needless to say, they were released into the building and able to join us for lunch.

And Aunt Carrie bought them cookies.

Again.  I’m good.

On a serious note, I love those two babies more than life.  I have no children, so they’re it for me.  And I would jump in front of a truck for them.

I think.

Maybe.

Well, only if they had completed a checklist.

Cause I ain’t going down for nasty underwear.

For nobody.

 

mark December 22, 2011 at 11:40 pm

That’s awesome and I think that should be a prerequisite to boarding public transit as well. Did you have anything lined up if any answers had been No?
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Carrie December 23, 2011 at 7:37 am

Ooohhh…you know, I could possibly retire early if I somehow convinced cities to use this for public transportation. You might be on to something.

Joanna December 23, 2011 at 12:54 am

And this is why you are my hero. My kids see through all my snark real quick and tend to say things like “oh mother” with a deep, pained sigh. I would like to tell you it’s going to get better in less grease and stank department but….it’s still a few years off.
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Carrie December 23, 2011 at 7:38 am

Oh, I see the smart sister get that, “Oh, mother” stuff ALL the time!

And nice…a few years left of grease and grime, huh? I should consider investing in some Windex or something.

Maren December 23, 2011 at 6:19 am

Haha, pranking kids like that is the funniest. 🙂 I pull stuff like that for my siblings all the time, it’s pretty crazy what kids will believe :p
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Carrie December 23, 2011 at 7:40 am

Kids are fun to mess with. Especially when they think they know everything and you get one over on them.

I love my nieces more than anything…but since they’ve gotten all teen-agery with smarty pants, it’s fun to watch’em squirm!

Jessica December 23, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Awesome. Your list is awesome, and the fact they fell for it even better. You are a rockin’ aunt I imagine.
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Carrie December 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Well, it depends on their mood as to how much Aunt Carrie rocks.

Hormones and emotions are starting to kick in.

Maggie S. December 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm

OMG!!! The extra mile, is what I like about you. You put the Carrie in Carring!!!

Seriously, this stage runs a good long while. It’s like they can pick up one aspect at a time. Like, they eventually figure out to get in the shower under the running water, but they don’t necessarily figure out the whole soap thing at the same time.

Tears running down my cheeks. Hilarious.
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Carrie December 23, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Girl…Stacie (the smart sister) yells ALL the time, “Get in the shower and use soap! And use shampoo on that head! I’m gonna smell you when you get out, too!”

Christy @ cat fur to make kitten britches December 23, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Hilarious! My son will turn 11 next month, so I know ALL about this. Just this year, he discovered brands ~ Abercrombie, Aeropostale, etc ~ and is all about having “cool” clothes, and yet, for all his ‘concern’ over his appearance, he still thinks that running his hand under the faucet and smoothing down his hair (which may or may not have been washed with actual shampoo…) with it is an acceptable substitute for an actual brush/comb. Oy. This ‘tween stage is hard on us all…..

BTW, love the phrase “shoulder closet.” Awesome, and appropriate!

Carrie December 24, 2011 at 8:58 am

A wet hand for a brush. Classic. =)

Karyn December 28, 2011 at 6:07 am

OMG I LOVED this, you did that with the security people? I am loving you, loving! Next time Im in the US we need to see each other, because the result could be award-winning!
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Carrie December 28, 2011 at 10:08 am

Oh, yeah. Hysterical. Especially watching them fill it out.

I’m sure they’re gonna expect one every time they visit.

And you DEF let me know when you’re in the states. DEFINITELY!

Krystyn (Krizzy Designs) December 30, 2011 at 9:41 am

That is awesome. I should have done something like that when teaching!

(BTW, think it should be heads).

Are your pants covering your underwear?
Are your boobs showing? What about your bra?
Do you smell like cigarette smoke?
Have you washed your hair this week?

Yeah..those would have been a good starting place.
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Carrie December 30, 2011 at 9:49 am

See? I’m much smarter than I look.

But let me tell you…if the word BOOBS is even mentioned around my nieces they go all paralyzed on you. Like nobody has ever heard of that word or like all of a sudden they’re size 42EE’s.

Krystyn (Krizzy Designs) December 30, 2011 at 9:50 am

So is it bad that my kids (3 and 5) say boobs and boobies? Because they totally do!
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Carrie December 30, 2011 at 10:04 am

HAHA!! Wait till they’re like 11 & 12.

And puberty is knocking on the door. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

For my sister, that is. =)

Jackie December 30, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Your Aunt would have never done that to you young lady! (only because I would have never been that clever). That is hysterical !

Carrie December 30, 2011 at 3:36 pm

They’re getting close to those teenage years. Gotta keep’em on their toes.

The time is coming I’ll be perched up in the middle of the back seat on their dates. Or taking them for their first tattoo.

Whichever comes first.

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