Serious multi-tasking at the work joint that could make you hot. In a “bust a move” kind of way.

December 6, 2011 in Crap I Was Considerate Enough to Not Bother You with Before Now.,Hit or Miss...kinda like my dating life.

I’m going to assume you know what multi-tasking is.

(Ya’ll remember what Benny Hill used to say about the word “assume”?  It makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”  Get it?  That shit together spells the word assume.)

(I used to stay up late and watch Benny Hill when I was like 11.  I wasn’t allowed to.  But I did.)

(And still love that little-old-short-bald-creepy dude.)

(Don’t tell mom.)

(About me watching.  Not about the little-old-short-bald-creepy dude.)


First conversation out of the box this morning at the work joint was started by a co-worker.

(Who is bald.  Just not short.  Or old.  Or creepy.  For the most part.)

He said he read somewhere that some really-advanced-in-the-workforce companies are considering/thinking about/contemplating having the option of treadmills at the office.


Not in a gym at the office.

At.  The.  Office.

Like, behind the keyboard.

You can do the treadmill all day while you just type away, answer the phone, schedule crap and so forth.

Now.  Hear me out.

I loathe exercise.  I’m talking hate.  To the core.

But I do it.  As little as possible.  But I do it.

Because if I didn’t, my arms would be too short to reach around my boobs-turned-into-total-front-side and click on this keyboard.

So, I walk/run periodically.

(You’re welcome.)

That is now on my agenda of requests of my boy boss.

(My nieces used to ask if my boss was a ‘boy’ or a ‘girl’.  So, he knows he is known as my ‘boy boss.’)

Anyway, people.  Stay on track here.

I will be requesting a treadmill for my she-cave.

He ain’t gonna do it.  But that ain’t gonna stop the requests.

I still ask for a porta-potty and he’s been saying “NO” for the last 4 years now.  Yet, I continue to ask.  I will wear that boy boss DOWN one day.

Can  you imagine?

I would be freaking HOT if I walked on a treadmill ALL day while I worked.

And I ain’t talking “‘sweaty hot”, I’m talking “bust a move” hot.

(Then we’d have to change up the dress code.)

(Cause I ain’t walking all day on a treadmill and getting all hot-looking just to cover it up under suits.  I mean, come ON.)

I don’t even know how many calories that would burn.  I’m bad at anything with numbers though.

(Like, don’t even ask my address.  Because it has numbers in it.  My neighbors have brought over crap I had sent to them by mistake.)

The word calories would be totally deleted from my brain.  They would no longer exists, really.  The word OR the actual thing.

I could eat cake for breakfast.   A corner.  Cause it has that extra frosting.

Ding Dongs for lunch.

Or Twinkies, depending on my mood.

A whole dozen donuts for a snack.

Hell, my WHOLE DAY could be ONE BIG SNACK.

I would no longer need a Xanax because a fool asked me some asinine question I’ve already answered 17 times and my tolerance level is at “murder.”

I would no longer need my 5-Hour Energy because my metabolism would be on “bust a move” for 8 hours a day.

The fat cats in government could quit bitching about everybody being overweight and stop trying to tell us what and how to eat.

Kids would know they need to step it up and put down that joystick because there ain’t no joysticks in the workplace.

(I know joysticks are ancient.  Work with me here, folks.  I’m on a roll.)

Only treadmills.

I really think this might not be a bad idea.

I would totally do it.

It’s a win-win for everyone.

And if typing/answering phones/conducting meetings/glaring at co-workers all while busting it out at 3.5 on an incline isn’t multi-tasking…


Breane Dooley December 6, 2011 at 7:06 pm

I actually read this article the other day on KVUE.

I would totally do it too. Maybe we can start hounding the boy bosses together. And HR (ba-ha-ha RIGHT).

The port-a-potty request is kinda gross. For real. I’m sure the smell of that will go lovely with the tomato-basil soup in your cube, or the cilantro in your teeth. 😉

Carrie December 6, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Hey hey hey! Do not hate!

You know my porta-potty would be all snazzy.

Hate the game, not the player.

Felicia B December 6, 2011 at 7:25 pm

I enjoy exercising/training but I’d veto the treadmill-at-work idea for one reason: if co-workers knew how sweaty I can get in real life, they’d never come near me again.

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Carrie December 6, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Uh, huh. I GET THAT!

Another brilliant reason to sweat it up at the work-joint.


Karyn December 6, 2011 at 7:30 pm

ewww… I don’t know Carrie, think of the heavy breathing you would do on the phone to clients and co-workers alike (at least until you were super-dooper-fit). A girl could get a reputation she doesn’t want that way.

And what about those moments where you are tired and stare at your screen as though you are working intently, but really you are napping with your eyes open (at least that’s what I used to do!) It would be impossible!

Besides, being hot is overrated. Have you seen all those skinny hot women? They are TOTAL bitches, you know, because they are hungry all the time. Give me a ‘well-rounded’ friend any day that will eat pie, drink wine and sit with me until our ass imprints are imprinted in the couch. Now that’s hot!
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Carrie December 6, 2011 at 7:34 pm

I’m single. Heavy-breathing is a plus here.

Napping with my eyes open? I do it already seated in my chair. In meetings. In my car. I don’t discriminate.

I couldn’t be “skinny” if I wanted to. Boobage.

And Tutz, I will sit with you, eat pie and drink wine leaving total ass prints till the skinny cows come home! Never worry about that! =)

Karyn December 8, 2011 at 9:55 pm

bahahahaha! “Till the skinny cows come home..” love it!
(As if I should expect anything less from you!)
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Joan @chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate December 6, 2011 at 7:31 pm

LOL, I could just hear your heavy breathing as you take calls, I bet call volume would increase and the rate of satisfied customers (at least the male ones) would be ten fold.

Try using that as your sales pitch to boy boss!
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Carrie December 6, 2011 at 7:35 pm

I’m putting my proposal together as I type.

You’re brilliant!

Jessica December 6, 2011 at 7:50 pm

If this helped others exercise who wouldn’t normally, I’m all for it. However, I detest treadmills more than anything in the whole wide world. That stationary crap is for the birds. Detest.

Carrie December 6, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Oh, I DO, TOO!!

Loathe the things.

But I would do it at LEAST 3 days a week to eat Twinkies for lunch.

tricky December 6, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Oh I don’t know. I do enough running around all day as is. But (and this is a very carefully placed, vulnerable, but) if it could help me drop the man boobs, so I’m all for it.
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Carrie December 6, 2011 at 9:12 pm

You totally, hands down, just won the prize for the “Quote of the Day” award:

“…if it could help me drop the man boobs…”

You, my friend, are a sheer winner.

Jessica December 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I love a man who admits he has man boobs. My husband is still in denial.
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Kim December 6, 2011 at 9:52 pm

1.) I’m down with this idea 2.) I’m gonna need my treadmill to have a cup holder, for my sugar-filled drink and a fold out tray, for my double-stuffed Oreos. 3.) I love that you want a snazzy porta-potty.
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Carrie December 6, 2011 at 10:08 pm

That’s the beauty of it. You CAN have that sugary drink and those Oreo’s cause walking THAT much…there is no more such thing as a calorie.

My porta-potty would be so friggin hip. Bedazzled peace signs, a little zebra-stripe here and there…I’m gonna wear him down, I tell you.

Maren December 7, 2011 at 5:46 am

Hahah, I think I would die if I had to treadmill all day. Or I would just die at my own had. Whichever came first!
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Carrie December 7, 2011 at 5:51 am

Oh, I probably would, too.

But just think of all the extra free time. No more gym or walking/running after work or wasting Saturday mornings doing some aerobics kind of class.

I could so do it.

Maggie S. December 7, 2011 at 8:01 am

So…you WANT to multi-task? Okay, so I won’t send the link to an article about how multi tasking is bad for focus.

I could totally do this in my house. I could walk backward with an incline while teaching. Whew. I need it.
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Carrie December 7, 2011 at 8:36 am

Who said anything about focusing?

I ain’t on a treadmill NOW and I don’t focus.

Jennifer December 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I think it would be good to do it for like part of the day, but I still want to be able to sit down sometimes.
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Carrie December 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I could probably figure someway to put my rolling chair on it though and do part of the day walking and part of the day rolling.

Jennifer December 8, 2011 at 6:16 am

But…. I used to sleep at my desk on occasion. If I had a treadmill, it would just be some nasty “incident” where either I fell asleep, fell on the treadmill and was propelled through a wall or my hair was all caught up in the conveyor belt. Either way, sumin’ expensive is broken (repair probably coming from my pay) and the treadmill ends up being hauled away. I would like to have doughnuts for lunch, though.
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Carrie December 8, 2011 at 6:32 am

The damage I could cause is a whole other post. Hate to even think about it.

I’d probably end up with paper clips in places they really have no business being in.

Young American Wisdom December 9, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Ok. I got out the calculator. I bet you can burn about 250 calories per hour with a casual walk on the treadmill. 250 x 8 = 2,000 calories burned. You will never have to worry about calories consumed again. Ah, if it was only that easy. 😉

Happy Friday!
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Krystyn (Krizzy Designs) December 9, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Okay, I think you need the porta potty ON the treadmill…because I wouldn’t want you to stop when you have to pee!

(And, the numbers…cracking me up…I’m such numbers dork, but we can still be friends, no?)
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Candice December 16, 2011 at 4:41 pm

My new favorite saying is going to be, “My tolerance level is at Murder” any time someone is getting on my nerves! That shit is golden!

Carrie December 16, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Yep. And fortunately for most of those in my range lately…my level hasn’t been that high.

But the day ain’t up either.

Melssa Placzek December 22, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Did I mention that I love you? This cements it. 😉

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Carrie December 22, 2011 at 10:23 pm

HAHAHA!!! Back at’cha, sister!

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