Please don’t think you can be a better me. You can’t. Hell, I can’t.

January 28, 2012 in Stuff I Should Think About Regretting Later

Let me warn you now.  This might be the very time I should keep my mouth shut.

Things in life have been pretty busy this week.  And I’m a creature of habit.  So, I haven’t been able to keep up with the blogs I read on a regular basis, as well as a few other daily rituals and yes…I’m dying inside.

(Clothes have been in the dryer since Wednesday.)

(Mail is literally jammed in the mail box begging for help.)

(There is something green in my fridge I’m scared to touch.)

Yesterday, my Google Reader showed I had 129 unread subscriptions.

I physically got a little nauseated.

(Simply because I’m all up into social media.)

(And nosey.)

And the blogs I read, well…I come to know the writer, their kids, their friends, their tastes, their everything.

It’s how we roll.

129 unread subscriptions bothered me more than the fact that my slacks are starting to get snug again.

(And for that, I’ll still be blaming the holidays in April.)

I checked in with one I had been reading for a few months now, and I saw Iris had completely been blasted by a couple of commenters.

Calling her a bad mother.  Calling her self-centered.  All kinds of shit.

(And one commenter confessed to not having children.  Yet, she felt she knew enough about motherhood to say Iris was a bad mother.)

On Iris’ blog.

(And in my world, reading a blog and interacting through comments is really like doing it face to face.)

Listen.  That shit is like coming into my living room, then bashing me on my taste of decor, insulting my family photos and basically telling me you can do my life much better than me.

You can call it public.

You can call it free speech.

You can call it constructive criticism.

You can call it an opinion.

But when it’s personal attacks and jabs, it’s bullying.  Period.

But why intentionally say something so mean and spiteful directly to someone when you know it’s going to do nothing but hurt?

I am amazed each day how many people tell me things I should “think about doing” to better myself, or ways to “do something different” to make something work in my life.

Because you know, they got life down pat.  So they know the way to do my things better than me.

I just smile.  And slowly die a little inside.

(And no doubt.  I’m probably guilty of it myself.  Though I would never say anything to anyone to intentionally offend or hurt them.  I don’t care if it is for their own good.)

Iris handled herself with the utmost grace.

(Iris taught me the saying, “I’m cleaning my womb” during THAT time.  Kinda like when you were young and your mom yelled out asking what you were doing and you said, “I’m cleaning my room!”  Yeah…I giggle at that!!)

(Though I’ve never uttered those words.)

(But that is so much better than, “Aunt Flo is visiting.”)

She is full of humor and like most of us that blog, live on and with satire daily.

I know satire makes up a lot of who I am.  If I can’t make fun of me or things that happen in life…then I need to put up the “Out of Business” sign.

I hope none of you have had the experience Iris did.  But I do hope you handled it like her if you have.

With class.

With humor.

And with poise.

I’m not positive I would have been as graceful as Iris with my response.  I’d like to hope I would have been, but I’d be lying if I said for certain.

(BTW…Iris’ readers came to her defense in full force.  Me included.  And most were as graceful as Iris.)

(Me included.)

(It infuriated her readers because we know Iris loves her kids and IS a good mother.  And has a phenomenal sense of humor.  And knows how to use it.)

(Love shit sticks together.  You know I’m right.)

(And I’d defend everyone of you the same way.)

(Cause we’re all love shit.)

(Whatever that is.)

I just think it’s a sad, sad world when there are those who can’t decipher humor from real life.  And even more sad for those who can’t FIND humor in real life.

I’m sure one day nasty comments on my blog will surface.  Someone will stroll in my living room (my blog) and feel the need to tell me how to be a better me.

It happens in real life so odds are it’s gonna happen here.

It will crush me.  I’m just keeping it real.

It.  Will.  Crush.  Me.

To my very core.

But one thing I’m good at…is hiding it.  Then getting over it.

Because really, it’s none of my business what others think of me.

And I can fake shit better than most and smile when I’d rather be holding your carotid in my bare left hand.

However, a nasty comment here will do nothing but show the one who made it who the real winner is:


Cause you’re good to me.  You’re my love shit.

And that’s something that makes my heart swell.

And just another reason I am so lucky to “know” you.

(I must be living good.)

(Or maybe it’s just the crack I’m using in my coffee now.)

Robbie January 28, 2012 at 11:03 am

Aww I feel all warmy & fuzzy being among your readers:)

Iris is lucky to have you in her corner and i can’t believe some of the bat shit crazy comments.
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Carrie January 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

No, Tutz…it’s me who’s warm and fuzzy.

Totally me.

Iris January 28, 2012 at 12:52 pm

No, Tutz…it’s ME! I’m the warm and fuzzy one. Well, fuzzier than usual. This post is amazing. I really AM so lucky to have you in my corner (thanks @Robbie…well said!). My favorite part: “it’s none of my business what others think of me.” I LOVE THAT. Actually, no…I LOVE SHIT THAT.
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Carrie January 28, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I just don’t get intentional meanness. It is one thing the world has more than enough of and my blog and those I follow is where I go to hide from it.

You totally were like Rocky in that last blow with the Russian dude in Rocky 412. Or whatever number it was.


Maren January 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm

People will be stupid. And some will be vocal.
After a while, if you really try hard, you can learn to ignore them completely.
Then they just sit in a corner, rotting away and waiting for judgement day. :p
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Carrie January 28, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I can handle stupid. God knows I have my fair share of it.

It’s the rude, just plain ol’mean stuff I can’t stomach.

The Mother Freakin' Princess January 28, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I’m spending Saturday afternoon going through *my* Google reader. I only have 194 items in there. Thank God a bunch of them are Groupons 🙂
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Carrie January 28, 2012 at 12:40 pm


I’m dizzy.

Young American Wisdom January 28, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Can you hear me applauding you? What a great blogging buddy you are!

I haven’t met Iris yet, but I will make my way over as soon as I leave this comment. I’m appalled that someone would leave nasty comments. I guess they were never taught, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Just plain yucky!

I’m wishing you a wondefully relaxing weekend!
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Carrie January 28, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Iris is just good people. Like so, so many in the blogworld.

I’m with you. We can certainly disagree or have different ideas about things, but when we start taking personal shots…that’s just too much for me.

There’s just no call for it.

Maggie S. January 28, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Why be mean? I simply don’t understand why people think they can hide behind the frackin’ internet and treat people any worse than they would if the person had a 9mm held to their temple. I know I am guilty of giving unsolicited advice…very guilty.

If something isn’t my cup of tea, I just move along. Sometimes I ‘talk’ a little to the monitor. There are so many blogs, that everyone should be able to find someone they enjoy. It’s just plain ugly to make a mean comment, but even more so to jump in once someone else has the ball rolling.

Honestly, even my most favorite bloggers have said and done things that I found uncomfortable and, revolutionary as it may seem, I didn’t comment at all. I just came back another day and carried on per usual. I guess I am odd.

As for you and me, I am fairly certain this is forever.
Maggie S. recently posted..You Kiss Me with That Mouth? #momfailMy Profile

Carrie January 28, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Yes. Your days of prying me off your right arm are over, sister. Give it up. I’m stuck.

And I couldn’t agree more. We’re not all going to always agree. That’s what makes us each who we are to me.

“Advice” is just that: advice. But it’s the unsolicited advice that gets to me. And I’m sure I do the same thing. I’ll never say I’m different from anyone else. I just hope I catch myself when I do it.

I don’t care what the situation is. There is never a good reason to simply be rude and ugly just for the sake of being rude and ugly.

Maggie S. January 28, 2012 at 4:45 pm

And seriously, IRL, if your Mama had caught you treating someone like that, what would have happened?
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Carrie January 28, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Let me break it down for you.

I’m 42.

Don’t live with my momma. Don’t depend on my momma for anything (except love, wine and Sunday lunch).

Today if she even THOUGHT (much less knew) I ever spoke that way to someone, she would beat my ass.

Completely off my body.

Maggie S. January 28, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Exactly. We had mother’s and they taught us how to behave. The internet didn’t take that away.
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Brandon S January 28, 2012 at 6:36 pm

So I once was told that a blog post I’d written was entirely inappropriate. I said “thank you” and now use that as a tagline when promoting the post. Seems to get more readers that way.

Anyway, I get annoyed when the armchair perfectionists come out and hide behind their “anon” screen names. Though I’ve never been criticized for being a bad mother (course I don’t have kids unless you count my husband but that’s a different story) I feel a little pang of hurt anytime I read a comment on someone else’s blog that is less than positive.
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Carrie January 28, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Fabulous attitude and even better tagline.

Thank you. That really sums it up.

I thought about it a little after I read the stuff on Iris’ blog and wondered if I wouldn’t just totally ignore and disregard the comment. As if it wasn’t even there. Just move on past and acknowledge the next comment.

That ol’silent treatment stuff. =)

Brandon S. January 30, 2012 at 1:26 am

I guess that is the beauty of moderating comments 😀 In some cases they aren’t even there at all….

I’ve tried the silent treatment but it’s hard to stand by and watch a car accident happen without wanting to do something if you get my drift. If everyone just drove by and didn’t bother to call 911 you’d have a completely different society. Iris was in the middle of the car wreck and you called 911. The way I see it, you probably wouldn’t have acted any different.
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Carrie January 30, 2012 at 6:13 am

And I think you’re absolutely right. Really good analogy, too.

Lori January 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Hon I just met you. But I love this blog.

I love that you came to someones defense, and you pointed out damnit that it is cyber bullying, in the worst form.


and when it happens to you, I will be here, getting your back.

Or bake, as my damned fingers just tried to say. Muffins any one?
Lori recently posted..a little splash of gold.My Profile

Carrie January 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Aww, Lori…thank you. Your kind words came at just the right time.

I’m so glad your here, too!

(And asshat is one of my very favorite words!! We’re meant to be!)

Lori January 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I use it all the time -le sigh- enough that my 9 year old came in saying “UGH boys are such asshats”

I figure as long as I can keep her thinking that the worlds a lovely place

indeed, a match made in errr…well not heaven, not enough marshmallows for that

but definitely made in something
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Jennifer January 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

Yes- that is just insane! When I was pregnant with Zoe, I was on the BabyCenter bulletin boards with people expecting in August. And, for the most part, it was a really supportive place. But, it got NASTY up in there sometimes. People flinging judgment and trying to force their choices on others. It was insane! And it seemed that a huge majority of the time, it was the first-timers that had all the judgment and the ones of us that had done it before were all like, “Yeah.. okay… whatever… we’ll see.”
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 10:26 am

Girl, women are just mean. I don’t get it why we don’t take up for each other like men do. We can just get straight-up ugly sometimes.

Ooohh…and I’ve never been pregnant but I can only imagine how rough it gets with all the hormones blowing through.

A Boy's Mom January 29, 2012 at 10:28 am

Jennifer, I was a member of a board like that once. Once. For a long time, but you’re right, it got crazy. People need to keep their crazy opinions to themselves, unless of course I ask for it, and then I can just ignore you if I don’t like the answer.
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Amanda January 29, 2012 at 10:15 am

You dear, sound like a true Southern lady! Texas girls rock!
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 10:27 am

‘Lady’ might be stretching it. But I’ll take it. I have sure been called worse.

And I totally agree: Texas Girls Rock

Through and through!!

A Boy's Mom January 29, 2012 at 10:26 am

I’m heading to Iris’ page after this as well. but in the mean time.

Cyber bullying is SUCH a problem. And it’s NOT a kid problem. It’s an adult problem. It’s an adult who hides behind their computer screen thinking they are God’s gift while their kids are drinking drano and running with scissors problem.

It’s a coward’s problem.

And, if were to happen to you my friend, I would stick my cyber boots up in their cyber hind parts so far they’d be tasting the shit they just stepped in.

So there.

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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 10:29 am

Back at you, sister.

I might be way off the deep end, but all this blog stuff for me is as close to family as it can get. I mean, when you put your life out there and tell me all about what’s going on in your world…I kinda get attached.

And protectiveish.

Just like I would if I knew you IRL. It’s really no different. Love is love. No matter how close or how far.

Fashionista Era January 29, 2012 at 11:19 am

i totally agree carrie. I CANT STAND people who are offensive and rude. What pleasure do you get by being this way? Why cant people just be gracious and caring? What do they get by being so rude. ITs sad really. I have never understood it. Yes, Ive met my share of people who are always offensive, and they look for ways to say rude things, even if I have not done anything to them. Honestly, it bothers me a lil , but i think what the hell is the point, Im not gonna waste my time over it.

And people who love me for who I am im forever loyal to them. Im grateful to have friends who are over 15 years and more…!! And i feel so very lucky. Sad situation. But yes, I believe your friend Iris shouldnt really bother. Shes entitled to her opinion and friends like you will make her realise shes always special 🙂 The FAKE ones will disappear.

Oops..this is turning into a book hah..but as always i love reading your blog. I juss noticed you have put up my blog on your blog roll *Awww* big hugssss sweetie!! Im so happy to see that 🙂 I am gonna be creating a Fav Blog section on my blog too! So i will need a button for your blog 🙂 Will use your ‘crown’ as the image if thats ok hhee. Love it!!! Hugssss
Tka ecare sweetie,big hugs!1
xoxo hanz

Carrie January 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Preach on….PREACH. ON.

Couldn’t agree more with you.

And I would be tickled to pieces for you to do me up on your blog! Tickled! Just as of this morning I am figuring out how to do the button thing. So, it’s coming!

You’re such a doll. Just a living doll.

Fashionista Era January 31, 2012 at 7:07 pm

You’re too kind sweety and im always happy to leave such sweet words for you. I wish you well always. Btw Im featuring you as the best blog post of the week in the coming week…!! your just too awsum :)) so check on my facebook page for my blog :))

Btw in other news..hehe i got nominated for Next Style Blogger on Regency29!! hehe so would love it if you could vote for my blog…Its title ‘mansion’ with my blog url and fashionistaera specified. Here isthe link, if you vote would be great!
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Carrie January 31, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Vote just cast!! Congratulations!! And girl, you are way up there in the votes, too…look at you go!

You’re too sweet…thank you so much for the feature! I am totally flattered. You have no idea how that makes my day!!

Tons of luck on the nomination and definitely let me know the outcome!!

Jennifer January 29, 2012 at 12:30 pm

This stuff happens in blog land. Luckily it hasn’t happened to me… yet. I’m not sure why people behave this way. Put them behind a computer monitor and they think they can say whatever they want. Just rude.
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 1:27 pm

It’s so ridiculous though. I mean, like Maggie said…if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

But seeing how all of your readers come to your rescue is a huge feeling. Iris has some good people in her corner watching her back.

And I know you and I do, too.

Bella January 29, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Just discovered your blog. I’ll be following. Great write. I know just how it feels to have so many unread rss feeds. Somehow I have managed to avoid because harassed about my bad parenting by someone who doesn’t even have kids, but I think I’m good anyway. Besides, I wouldn’t write the shit I write if I thought for a single moment that it was what everyone wanted to hear lol, cuz I’m stubborn and foolish like that. It’s just how I roll.
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Hey!! So overjoyed you’re here!

That Google Reader is like crack for me. Completely addicted. And I feel so disloyal to those I follow when I get behind! THEY don’t make me feel that way…”I” make me feel that way.

It’s ridiculous.

I have no kids so I can say firsthand…those of us who have none need to keep our trap shut. And I feel the same way about divorce. Never been through one? The shut the eff up.

However, I do appreciate advice. I ask for it all the time. It’s that unsolicited advice I don’t need or want. If I want it, I’ll ask for it. Just don’t stroll on up and start up with, “You know what you need to do is….” on something you have no experience with.

That’s like me telling some 9 month pregnant woman what she needs to do to ease the contractions.


Suggestions are loved. Commands? Not so much.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell January 29, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Now I will have to go read Iris’ blog and see who this lovely person is that you’re talking about. I think sometimes those nasty comments come from people who haven’t come to know the person and understand their style of writing, etc. I suspect something was taken totally out of context? If not, then I guess it’s the cloak of anonymity that prevailed, and that sure does seem to get people saying things they wouldn’t in a face to face situation, doesn’t it?

Regardless, I’m so sad that she encountered this. 🙁
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 2:01 pm

You nailed it. A couple of commenters just strolled in and felt they could crap right there in her living room.

They really, really made total asses of themselves though.

Epic backfire.

Jamie January 29, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Sometimes I can’t believe how brave people are behind their computer screens. I’ve never had a mean comment on my blog, thank God, but I’m sure I’ll get one one day. However, sometimes I can’t believe the stuff my husband’s ex wife is brave enough to say in her emails. But, she’d never say it to our faces, just like those dumb blog commenters. They’re cowards in real life.

Way to be a good friend to Iris!
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 2:11 pm

You’re 100% right.

I had an ex-wife once, too. On the phone or email…pure Satan.

Picking the kids up, she’s hanging out the door waving and smiling like we’re old friends. Barf.

You summed it up. Bullies = Cowards

Blog Wobble January 29, 2012 at 6:18 pm

It constantly shocks and amazes me how awful people have become to one another since social networking and hiding behind a screen has become the norm. My opinion in the human race has dramatically changed and I find it sad that it is becoming more and more rare to find kindness and human decency these days.

Kudos to those who cop flack and handle it with dignity 🙂
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm

^5 on that one. Totally agree…you hit the nail on the head with human decency.

Jessica January 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Love shit. I like this. A lot. I might start using it as soon as I muster up the energy to like my husband again. (It’s such an exhausting task!!)

Mean comments happen. Some people don’t read a blog often enough to GET a feel for the writer’s attitude. And others are just angry with a bone to pick, and take a blog post and make it personal. I’ve always found it’s better to just NOT comment on a post if mean thoughts are swirling around, but hey. We can’t all have such will power and be perfect like you and me. Life goes on. We stay right. 😉

Happy Sunday night!
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Carrie January 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I know, right? Disagree and move on…but to bash and pick a fight? What are we? 4??

And would you just look at all the perfection just oozing from all of us here?? I mean, we’re so totally overflowing with it I’m not sure we’d miss any if some loser just swooped in and bagged some up and ran.

We’re practically giving this perfect shit away.

Karyn January 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

People are crap. Not all people, but a lot more than we wish. They bignote themselves by bringing others down. I had one guy call me racist on my blog (against New Zealanders of all people!) and did it by saying “All you Australians are racist.”

Sent me into gales of laughter, because of course he made a racist comment to judge ALL Australians by his perception of me. So as he’s calling me racist, he’s being racist. Irony? I think so!

I try to have a little fun with them. An inflammatory action is best responded to with a kind, quiet response (or a humorous one), it takes all the “wind out of their sails’ as my grandmother used to say. They look like even more of a douche.

Until they go for your kids, then all bets are off. (You kill ’em quick-like and bury ’em where no one will ever find ’em 🙂
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Carrie January 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Fab advice…and that’s exactly what Iris did.


But hey…I’m pretty sure that was of that “kill’em with kindness” stuff. And they went away.

Been missing you. You, racist you. =)

wendy January 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm

ms. carrie, you know what you’ve been teaching me over the last couple of months? how to be authentic in cyberspace. i thought it was possible, but you’ve shown me what it looks like in action.

what i think i like the best, though, is that you are really out and about being people’s true friend — on the comment boards of their blogs, for God’s sake. it’s a beautiful thing and i like the cut of your jib, ma’am : )


(iris is blessed to have you on her boards. i’ll go and check her out.)

Carrie January 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Sweet Wendy, that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time. Thank you for that. Your kindness does my heart good.

There is so much in life I feel like I “have” to do, and this blogging stuff is something I “want” to do. Huge difference in those two. Huge.

You are such a bright spot in my heart. Thank you.

Felicia January 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

People with small little lives and inexplicably large egos feel emboldened to make mean comments on someone’s blog because they can do so anonymously. It’s easy to be an asshole when no one knows who you are. Being an asshole in person, now, THAT’S impressive.
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Carrie January 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Amen, girl….A-MEN!

Becca February 1, 2012 at 12:08 am

I hate people who leave abusive blog comments. There is a reason that most of them do it anonymously…they know what they’re doing is wrong!!! I have only had one negative blog comment ever (to the best of my memory) and I just told myself the person had no idea what they were talking about!!!
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 9:10 am

I’d like to think anyone who REALLY knew the writer would disagree in a kind manner. I’d be willing to bet in almost every instance it’s ugly and hateful…the commenter really knows nothing about the writer and is just shooting from the hip about something they know nothing about.

Karine February 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm

You, m’mam, are a class act!!! And a true friend!

Stating an opinion is one thing, personally attacking someone is another! Some people should learn to keep their mouth shut.

Thanks for speaking up against adult cyber bullying!

Great blog!!!
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Well, God love it…you’re too kind!

I still am pretty amazed at how grown adults behave sometimes. Just gotta hope there’s enough good around so the bad is overshadowed and just slithers away.

So thrilled for your visit…thank you!

Kristin @ What She Said February 1, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Good call on pointing out all the ways these people justify their bad behavior. Suddenly, it’s “free speech” or “a differing opinion” or “constructive criticism.” But the bottom line is this: If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, then you shouldn’t say it on the Internet. And I highly doubt anyone would say to someone else’s face what some of those with “differing opinions” were saying to Iris last week. At least not if they didn’t want to get a scathing earful – ‘cuz that would certainly be my reaction if someone ever told me that I was “the kind of parent that teachers want to stick pins in.” Especially if they happened to be standing in my home at the time!
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 8:42 pm


Everybody has huge balls behind a monitor. Amazing how that works, huh?

Elaine February 3, 2012 at 12:14 am

I left a comment and then it went bye-bye somehow.

I think I said that I love you for posting this and that now I have to go read her blog to see what all fhe fuss is about. And I’m sure I’ll laugh.

I don’t get why on earth people leave nasty comments.
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Carrie February 3, 2012 at 6:06 am

And I love you because I know if it happened to me you’d come to my rescue and because you know I’d come to yours, as well.

Her most recent post is one about what happened. I know a grown woman shouldn’t admit to jumping up to run to the restroom to pee…but that’s just what I did. Friggin hilarious!

Her humor is insane!

mark February 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Right there with you, Carrie. On my previous blog the negative, threatening comments that turned up on my blog near the end were from my next door neighbours. The interface between real life and the blog life is complex and when things go wrong, it can really get ugly. My readers defended me too, but it ruined blogging and that blog died because of it.

I’m guilty of falling way behind on reading and blogging too, but at least I can rest assured that I didn’t add much to your 129 unread subscriptions :).
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Melssa Placzek February 11, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Now I’m going to start reading Iris too 🙂

I have had a few HORRIBLE comments on my blog. At first it completely wrecked my day (possibly week.) Now when it happens I just ignore. It’s MY blog. Don’t like what I have to say? Don’t read.

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Kristy February 21, 2012 at 9:19 pm


Your Love Shit aka. Kristy

Carrie February 21, 2012 at 9:23 pm

You’re totally friggin awesome.


katie metzroth October 23, 2012 at 8:05 pm

My withdrawal symptoms were getting bad, so even though I have 800 unread blogs (not even kidding) in my reader, I’m in here reading your old stuff I haven’t read before.
cry for help? I think so.
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