In a perfect world, I’d be hairless and always have gas.

February 1, 2012 in Crap I Was Considerate Enough to Not Bother You with Before Now.,Hit or Miss...kinda like my dating life.

I begged.

I mean beggggged to shave my legs when I was young.

Could not wait to sit in that tub and run that fancy schmancy razor right up my fuzzy little 8 year old legs.

(I was so advanced for my age.  In this area only.  Don’t ask about school or terrorizing a little sister or lip gloss application.)

Why?  No clue.  It was just something big girls did and I was dying to be a big girl.  I’m talking DY-ING.

Momma always said no to shaving my legs anytime I asked.

So, I shaved my left arm.

Yes.  From shoulder to wrist.  Just went right straight to town on it.

(There’s just some crap that sticks with you over the years and you don’t know why.  Shaving my arm sticks with me.)

She said I couldn’t shave my legs.

She said nothing about my arms.  I stopped at one arm though.

(Apparently, I’ve been a jerk since the beginning.)

Just one more reason a mother should never leave her child unattended in the tub.  Especially if that child is hell-bent on being a big girl.

A big girl with fuzz-less legs.  (Or in my case…left arm.)

Now?  Hate it.  I’d rather poke my rabid ex-husband in the ass with short stick while he slept.

(Oh, who am I kidding?  I’d rather go with a hot-metal-poker-stick-thing I just pulled a hot marshmallow off of after the hot-metal-poker-stick-thing turned yellowish-reddish-blue from sitting in flames for way too long.)

(Like I always say:  Go big or go home.)

(Plus, why waste THAT opportunity on a twig-ish sized stick?)

Anyway.

For those women who say they shave their gams every day of their life:  I salute you.

Ya’ll are probably the same women who always have gas.

Me?

The Gas Gods hate me. They have to. And they laugh. Bastards.

Never.

I don’t care what day of the week or time of the day.

This picture was taken this morning.

That bad boy needle is dying to hit the red.  Just screaming.

And I used to get grounded pretty regularly because of this when I was 16ish and still at home.  Dad would do random gas checks.  If he popped his head in the car and it was below half a tank…it was, “Hand over the keys.”

(As he would radio checks.)

(If he randomly started the car and the radio was thumping in my little blue hatchback Corolla (as much as a little blue hatchback Corolla could thump)…it was, “Hand over the keys.”)

(He never was a Van Halen lover.)

(Or Bon Jovi.)

(Or Guns and Roses.)

Back in good ol’days when he paid the gas card…he said there was no reason for a daughter of his to be with less than half a tank.  I mean, what if there’s an emergency in the middle of the night?  Last thing you need to do is look for a gas station.

(Just as he said there was no reason to have the radio so loud while driving you couldn’t hear an ambulance coming.)

(WHOOOOA, WE’RE HALF WAY THERE….WHOOOO-OOOOA LIVING ON A PRA-YER….)

(God I hope he isn’t read this.)

(Dad.  Not Bon Jovi.)

(OH, MY GOD!  BUT WHAT IF HE IS?!?)

(Jon, if you’re reading this, I have loved you my whole life.  MY.  WHOLE.  LIFE!  And I swear I would shave my legs for you every day.  EVERY.  DAY.  Except for when you’re out on tour.  I mean, cause really?)

So.  After work, I’ll be filling up once again.  I think I did just that 3 days ago.

I know.  Maybe I do a lot of running around and buzzing here and there.  I know.

And.  Tonight I’ll be shaving these prickly gams.  I think I did just that 3 nights ago.

I know.  Maybe I do a lot of running around and buzzing here and there. I know.

But this isn’t a perfect world, so it is what it is.  I need to just accept the facts I’ll be gassing and shaving forever.

Forever.  And sweet heavens…it’s gonna be a long forever at this rate.

(TAKE MY HAND, WE’LL MAKE IT I SWEAR….WHOOOOO-O LIVING ON A PRA-YER…)

Jennifer February 1, 2012 at 5:37 pm

“Go big or go home.” That’s a fantastic life philosophy. I need that on a poster.

I feel like I always need gas too, an I only shave my legs when I’m going to be wearing a dress or a skirt… or if I’m going somewhere in the summer that requires showing my legs.
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm

You’re better than me. I wear skirts 5 DAYS A WEEK.

And every blue moon I’ll wear slacks. And somebody inevitably will say, “Didn’t shave, huh?”

A sign I share way too much.

Breane Dooley February 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Girl – I filled up at the ghetto Exxon by the office today. Always nice to wonder if your gonna get shot, mugged, or carjacked a block from the office. Ahhhh I feel safe.

Anyway – I must say, I’m a hair disappointed that you aren’t from Alaska. Hair on them legs keeps ya warm. Once it gets real long, it starts looking like fur. It’s elegant.

PS – I really was expecting a blog about how no one reads your emails at work… and that it takes some girl on a different floor to tell you that your damn font is like 2pt on your emails. And that no one can read ‘em. You’d think those editor people in your area would be all up on that. Guess that’s what I get for thinkin’. :)

Carrie February 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

The only time I know an email gets read is if I put “Free Food” or “Want my Job” in the subject line.

Fashionista Era February 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

HAHAHHA!! Carrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Yet again im rolling off laughing! you seize to surprise me now. I know what you mean tho, i went for JOn Bon jovi concert with my friends and we were like 18 or something but dad came along hah…my poor dad had to sit thru that rock music with me lol…!! hes a sweetheart for me i guess :p hehe…but oh my was he ROcking!!

Dont need to shave your legs girl, do it for special occasions *wink* for all you know, bon jovi might just happen to meet you after this post ;) hehe

Btw, i would loveeeeeee for you to guest post on my blog whenever u feel you would like, any topic of your choice. Just one request make it funny as HELL! haha :) Lemme know, my email is fashionistaera@yahoo.com

hugsssssssssssssssss
hanz
http://www.fashionistaera.blogspot.com
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm

HAHA!! Your dad must be superiorly cool!!

My sister and I went to see them in Dallas a couple of years ago and let me tell you…they are still hot. Jon gets better looking with age. I screamed like a giddy 3rd grade girl the whole time.

Floor seats, too. Heaven.

I am beyond words at your offer. I would be honored. Absolutely honored to guest post on your fab site!! But wow…the pressure is on now! Yikes!

Fashionista Era February 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

take your time sweetie…no worries at all :)) im travelling this week back after almost 10 days so i might MIA but ill try to keep logging into my bloglovin roll :)) hugss!!
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Mandy February 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Ok- you HAVE to laugh at this! Remember when we’d sneak to Nederland to cruise the strip? Well, mom always busted me. Not that night or the next day, but she ALWAYS found out I’d been down there! I couldn’t understand who was ratting on me!!! Until I got my very own gas card – AND bill. It listed the gas station and town for every transaction! DAMMIT!!!

Carrie February 1, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Uh, nice job on BUSTING ME ON MY OWN BLOG!

Thanks to you, I’m probably frickin grounded this weekend now.

(And to think we thought the folks were so dumb they’d never find out! Well, MINE didn’t…until now.)

=)

Mandy February 1, 2012 at 7:17 pm

OOPS!

Bella February 1, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Go big or go home. I love that. My favorite saying is Fake It Till You Make it. Funny how shaving your legs went from being a joyous activity to a pain in the ass huh? I shave…..everyday……if my husband complains lol.
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I know, girl. Begged my ass off.

I think it’s part of that “be careful what you ask for” stuff I used to get warned with.

Amanda February 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm

I started shaving my legs when I was 8. My parents were newly divorced and my mother allowed so many more freedoms than we were used to having. Shaving was one of them. She told me I would need to shave my legs about once a week. That may have been true for her. I, however, am a hairy beast. By day 6, I looked like a wild Big Foot in minature. Is it bad that I want my thyroid to go out so my legs will stop growing so much hair?
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 8:04 pm

STOP! What are you doing to me?!? A wild Big Foot in miniature?!?

My God it hurts to laugh this hard!!! That is friggin awesome!

A Boy's Mom February 1, 2012 at 8:02 pm

So this is not the time to tell you that I just gave up on that whole shaving thing? I hardly have eye brows much less hair on anything else. It’s kinda nice actually. Oh and that my hubby doesn’t really care if I have hairy legs. hee hee.
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A Boy's Mom February 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm

ok wait. I didn’t toally give up on the shaving thing. But pants make it easier LOL :)
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Carrie February 1, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Ever heard of this little thing called ENVY?

Yeah. I kinda got it now.

You lucky dog.

Chrissy February 1, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Girl, if I don’t shave when I’m in the shower I feel like I have forgotten something. Even if I take 2 showers because of working out later in the day I’ll shave both times..

You made me laugh out loud as always …

Carrie February 1, 2012 at 8:40 pm

OH. MY. GOD.

Get off my blog. And take your razors and smooth ass legs with you.

=)

The thought of shaving twice in one day makes me a tad dizzy.

Kika February 2, 2012 at 12:27 am

Never.
You Never Fail me.
You hear?
I’m still rolling over here, I mean where to start, the shaving of the legs/arms (or is it arm?) jk, the poking of the ex, bon jovi?! LOL could this post get any better?

Thanks for always swinging by :D
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Carrie February 2, 2012 at 1:44 am

It’s ridiculous that real life is funnier than fiction, huh??

But I wouldn’t have it any other way. No other way to have it. =)

Lisa Guedry February 2, 2012 at 5:53 am

Ahhhhh….the blue corolla hatchback!!! You forgot HEART! We blew the speakers out listening to ALONE by HEART!!!!!

Carrie February 2, 2012 at 6:13 am

Oh, yes. Such the rocker chick, here. =)

Jennifer February 2, 2012 at 7:50 am

Wow! You just gave me reasons to hate the things about my life that normally annoy me. The fact that I spend all winter freezing my arse off in the northeast= I don’t shave my legs. I just don’t- no need. The fact that Uncle Sam says I have to live in this expensive-ass state= in New Jersey it is illegal to pump your own gas. The entire state is full service (except on the military base which is federal property and we can do what we want- but you better believe when it is freezing/raining/snowing/I’m just too lazy, I go off-base and let someone do it for me. Which is pretty much all the time) I also have a little VW Beetle that takes diesel instead of gasoline- so it gets 45-50 mpg. I only have to have someone else fill up my car every two weeks or so.
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Jennifer February 2, 2012 at 7:51 am

That was supposed to be “LOVE the things about my life that normally annoy me.” but I am sitting here, wrapped in a blanket freezing right now, so that may have been a Freudian slip. ;-)
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Carrie February 2, 2012 at 7:59 am

Believe me….I go “off-base” all the time. Not the same as you, but you know me well enough to confirm that yes…I go off-base. Lots.

Seriously, NJ is a full-service state? If it was later in the day and I had a glass or four of wine, I could really take that to a whole new level.

And, sister…you got puh-lenty to love. Your son quite possibly could one day be president and your daughter has a strong chance of being a hot little redheaded cage-fighting champion. If they were MY kids…I’d be on the campaign trail for them BOTH right now!

Love. =)

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell February 2, 2012 at 9:55 am

OH MY GOSH! I begged and pleaded for that too, and it must be universal to females because my daughter did the same thing. It’s just there’s no going back when you start, and that totally stinks!

Unlike you though, I waited until I had approval, lol! I was a rebel, but I guess I rebelled in more illegal ways. I wish I had just rebelled with leg or arm hair.

PS. I shave 365/365. The prickles make me lose my mind so I can’t have any!
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Carrie February 2, 2012 at 10:08 am

Yes. Universal is a rather good word in this case. Very good.

365/365?!? Help me.

I confess. I didn’t last night. I’m staying at my desk most of the day fo sho. If I get in the sun, it’ll be all sparkly.

No shame, sister…no shame.

Elaine February 2, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Gas (or petrol, just to clarify) lasts me a while in this small town. One good thing about it. But the lack of good shopping?! Not so much.

And shaving!?!? HA HA HA! I finally do it when the hubby drops a hint. Or I’m going for a pedi. :)
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Carrie February 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I just do way too much running around and I know it.

And ain’t that sad? If I know I’m getting a pedicure, I smooth those puppies up like nobody’s business.

And they don’t even care.

Maggie S. February 2, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Thanks for making me smile today.
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Carrie February 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Well, I can’t smile alone…that’s for sure! =)

Maren February 2, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I seriously suck in the shaving department. But I rock in others, so it’s all good :p
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Carrie February 2, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Thank goodness I’m not alone! Way to come through for me, girl!!

Becca February 3, 2012 at 2:20 am

If you shave every few days you are doing way better than I am. I shave once a month sometimes in the winter. I shave way more in the summer because I wear workout shorts.

I am really lucky my parents never did gas or radio checks. I think I would have always been handing over my keys LOL
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Carrie February 3, 2012 at 6:02 am

Well, I can promise you if I didn’t wear skirts to work it’d be less than that.

Britt February 3, 2012 at 9:07 am

I’ll be honest, I totally thought you meant that frequent-shaving women are also frequent farters. Even though you clarified that it’s gas in a car… I still think those shaving freaks probably fart a lot. They’ve got to be compensating for something, right?

When I was a ‘kid’, I shaved my armpits before I shaved my legs. Turns out, I was a savvy kid that realized you get fewer dirty looks with hairy legs vs. hairy pits. The only problem? I went swimming in a chlorine-filled pool immediately after the first shave. The burn taught me to avoid STD’s at every cost. If burning hurts that bad under the arms… I don’t want to know what it’s like between the legs!
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Carrie February 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Well, now that you mention it…frequent shavers might possibly be frequent farters. I’ll go with that!

Oh. And the chlorine? OUCH.

Jamie February 3, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I begged to shave, too! My mom always said no, so one day I just got smart and asked my step-dad. He said, “Sure, go on in there and do it.” Whoa was he in trouble that night. :)

And, I never have gas in my car. I think it just leaks out because I really don’t feel like I drive that much. Whatever, I guess. I can practically tell you my dad’s lecture word for word about not having less than a quarter tank and how bad it is on your car. I never learned. :)
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Carrie February 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm

It’s the same thing for me! I will admit I’m on the go all the time, but hell it sits in my garage at home for 10 hours then the garage at the office for 10 hours…how much running around can I possibly be doing in FOUR hours??

Jessica February 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

God I love that song. I sing it so loud every time.

What else did you say???

Oh. Yeah. Leg shaving sucks hiney.
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Carrie February 3, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I know. Say anything about Bon Jovi and I can’t remember what I just said.

Show me a picture and I don’t remember who I am.

The Zadge February 3, 2012 at 9:15 pm

When I was 12, I tried to pluck my (barely there blond) eyebrows and decided it hurt too much, so I picked up my mom’s electric razor she used on her legs. For the next 12 months, I sported only 1.3 eyebrows.
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Carrie February 3, 2012 at 9:39 pm

THAT, my friend, deserves an award of some kind!!

1.3 eyebrows for 12 solid months absolutely calls for recognition!

Karyn February 4, 2012 at 5:23 am

“In a perfect world I’d be hairless and always have gas.”

You might want to sit back and reread that post heading from the perspective of a person who has no idea what the blog post is going to be about. I was in stitches. Hilarious.

Moving on. Bon Jovi is mine, all mine. And I won’t share, well maybe with you, maybe.

I got married for a few key reasons, one of them being someone to fill my car up with gas – which he does, 90% of the time. It’s the worst job EVER. I’m thinking men could have businesses going around to office block and offering to take all the single ladies cars out to be filled up. They’d be millionaries. $10 a pop? Sure!

On another note, feel sorry for my Aussie gas prices. I just spent $92 on filling up my car from empty today (hubby is out of town, and it was PAST the red, so I had no choice). $92!!! That’s highway robbery! And its a SEDAN for Gods sake, not even a truck or SUV!! Bastards.

NB< I know, I know, I'm wayyy… overdue for a post. x
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Carrie February 4, 2012 at 8:16 am

You’re beyond WAY in the overdue section. WAY.

But I know you have tons going on. But again, way.

To spend that amount of money on gas is a sin. That’s more than my grocery bill for 2 weeks.

And the idea of paying a man to do it…I SHO WOULD!

That is a brilliant idea…and I’m telling you, I’d probably pay more than that if I knew I was sitting on empty but also KNEW someone would come by the office during the day, get my keys, fill it up while I worked and I didn’t have to do it on the way home.

That is simply brilliant. Somebody needs to jump on that idea.

Carrie's Experimental Kitchen February 4, 2012 at 9:20 am

You always know how to put a smile on my face! I hate filling my tank up too. It’s just one of those mundane things I have to do I guess if I want to go anywhere. lol And….JON!!! LOVE HIM and have seen him many times. I’m from Jersey and you’re either a Bruce fan or a Jon fan…never did get much into Bruce! Have a great weekend Carrie!
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Carrie February 4, 2012 at 9:47 am

Now, see…Bruce has never done much for me either!

And girl, Jon gets better with age. Sounds better, looks better…everything.

And you’re from his neck of the woods!! Lucky dog….=)

Poppy February 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I’d rather poke my rat bastard with a hot poker than do a lot of things. I’d even give up a pedicure for that kind of fun.
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Carrie February 5, 2012 at 10:18 am

I agree. That’s the kind of fun that really just doesn’t compare to anything else.

Claire Lopez February 5, 2012 at 9:54 am

I was dying to shave too. Like many things that I’ve wanted in life, shaving was not nearly the wonderful, glamorous adventure I thought it would be! lol
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Carrie February 5, 2012 at 10:20 am

Ain’t that the truth. I’ve learned the older I get…most things in life aren’t really as fab as they look.

Or maybe that’s some dates I’ve had that I’m thinking about.

Farah19 February 9, 2012 at 8:26 am

Ahahha… This so funny! Thinking why I started shaving my legs was because of my awful mannerism pulling my leg hair before. Then later I realized, the newly hair growth becomes thicker than the others. So to make them even, I started shaving my hair legs and it becomes a habit.
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Carrie February 9, 2012 at 8:40 am

There is just nothing fun about leg hair. Nothing. But even less is fun about shaving. There’s no way to win. =)

mark February 9, 2012 at 12:06 pm

So much excitement can be had in seeing how far you can get on a tank of gas.

Our car tells us the range we have remaining until it hits 50 km… then it’s a guessing game. If you remembered to, you add the range to the overall kms before 50km range so you know where it will run out. When the situation is really dire the last bar of the gas gauge starts blinking. I do that as much as possible.

Bitsy doesn’t enjoy the thrill I get of getting as much out of a tank as I can.
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Felicia February 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I, too, hate shaving my legs. And, I know it’s bad for my car, but I usually don’t fill up until that helpful little light comes on. God, I’m lazy.
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Queenie February 10, 2012 at 7:58 pm

That was indeed a funny stuff that teens and even matured women do to their legs. But what about showing the world about the real you and in a way that you totally expresses yourself? I mean it’s not a crime to be different for we are all created to be different from each other. It doesn’t mean that once you have a lot of hair then you must be an outcast, oh, that will be so stupid. For me, I don’t care on what other people think or says about me, as long as I didn’t hurt anyone that will be more than enough for me to stay happy.
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Kirsten February 11, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Girlfriend, you kill me every time! I was such a hairy beast that at age 9 my mom went out and bought me one of those Flicker razors that were impossible to cut yourself on, and made me shave. After that, the hair came in blond and she tried to back off, but I already had the razor and I knew how to use it. So much so that I showed all of my friends that came to the house the razor and how to shave their legs, too.
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