I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.

March 28, 2012 in The Very Few Times I'll Admit to Having a Soul

I think the first time I was around maybe 34ish.

Or so.

Newly divorced.  And swore I just could never see myself being in my 40’s.

Then I did it again when I was maybe 39ish?  Maybe?  I just know I was not 40.

Yet.

(Thank you, Jesus.)

Then I did it again yesterday.  And I’m now 43.

(OK.  I said it.  It wasn’t that hard after all.)

What I did was…I read that letter that Andy Rooney supposedly wrote but now I find out supposedly didn’t.

But I don’t really care who wrote it.  It makes all the sense in the world to me now.

It’s called “In Praise of Older Women.”

(There’s no way “I” can be considered an “older woman.”  No fucking way.)

(Uh, way.)

I will never claim to know much.  I’m a bumbling idiot most of the time, I’ll admit.

Usually don’t know which way is up.

Have been guilty of not knowing my ass from a hole in the ground.

Have even thought if I could do “it” over again…my, my.  Oh, what I’d do different.

(Very little, if I’m to be honest.)

(Actually, I don’t even know what “it” is.)

(But there ARE big chunks in my life I would like a do-over on.)

But there are things that I wish I could say to the younger versions of me out in the world.

Things that I have learned.  Discovered.  Stumbled over.

(Thank you, Jesus.)

Now that I’m an “older woman” according to Rooney or whoever wrote that letter, I’d say stuff like:

Wear sunscreen.  Always.  You don’t want to look like a leather glove when you’re 45.  And never go to bed with makeup on.

Stay in touch with the folks.  They’ll save you when you don’t even realize you need saving.  And they’re fucking brilliant no matter what you think now.

Get to know you’re siblings.  There might come a day they are all the family you have.

Have your own money.  He might make more and he might not want you to work.  But have your own anyway.  It’ll either come in handy for you later or be a nice little goldmine for ya’ll later.

Don’t eat cheese on everything.  That shit hangs on to your thighs for life.

When people show you who they are the first time, believe them.

(Thank you, Oprah.)

Be proud of your feminine shape.  You’re a woman.  Curves are good.  Don’t hide it and don’t be ashamed of it.  Work it, baby.

Regardless of how perfect he might seem, that line he uses?  Odds are he’s used that same line on 14 other women.  Face it, it’s your 3rd date.  At this point, he’s not THAT positive you’re the most amazing woman he’s met.

Enjoy what you do for a living.  But more importantly, enjoy who you do it with.  The ones you spend 8-10 hours a day with are really an extension of your life.  And you.  You gotta pretty much love those asses.

Learn how to be alone.  If you can’t enjoy time with you…no one else can.

Pray.  Pray.  Pray.

Forgive.  Always forgive.  For you.

Love.  Hard.  With everything you’ve got.  Even if it’s not appreciated at the time, it comes back in ways you can’t begin to imagine.

Yeah.

Here’s the letter that supposedly Rooney wrote.  But I find out supposedly didn’t.

Anyway.  It finally makes sense.  To me, anyway.

As I grow in age, I value older women.

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her.

An older single woman usually has had her fill of “meaningful relationships” and “commitment.” The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are dignified. They will never have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Most older women are generous with praise. They know how it feels to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn’t care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido’s stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she’s lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.  For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed older single babe, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for all of us.

That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to appreciate the exquisite woman you’ve become, without the distraction of some demanding old man clinging and whining his way into your serenity.”

(Thank you, Andy.)

(Or whatever brilliant man that finally came to his senses.)

(And had the balls to say it.)

D'Anna Lundstrom March 28, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Laughing, laughing, laughing!!

Carrie March 28, 2012 at 7:27 pm

And that laugh says you’re close to 40 because you get it!!!

=)

Amanda March 28, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Every workl of that is the truth!!! My Momma always told me to work, no matter what my financial situation was. As I’m nearing middle age, I understand completely.

Don’t you hate it when the “facts” you knew to be true are proven wrong? (Like with Andy Rooney not being the author of that letter even though it sounds just like him and when I read it, I picture him in his 60 minutes segment.) I just found out that Daddy-Long-Leg spiders are not poisonous and you can’t crush them up and put them in someone’s soup and kill them or even cause them an upset stomach. I’m so disappointed.
Amanda recently posted..Logan the Story TellerMy Profile

Carrie March 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm

That saving your money thing is the one thing I reeeeally wish I would have done a little better. Or a lot better.

(Or maybe should have just raked the ex over the coals.)

AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN DADDY LONG LEGS AREN’T POISONOUS?!? That is apparently the reason I ended up having to divorce over bury.

Where were you with all this wisdom 8 years ago?!?

Kat1e March 29, 2012 at 10:26 am

I always thought only the striped daddy-long-legs were poisonous. Turns out pretty much none of them are b/c they either can’t or don’t bite humans but if you crush the spider and put it in soup, all you’re going to have is gross soup. :) I bet if you tell the person you crushed a spider in their soup, their stomach would then be upset. :) This is fun to think about. :)
Kat1e recently posted..Five-thirty and Five trees.My Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 11:07 am

It’s fun to think about when it involves an ex-husband.

For me, anyway. =)

Chrissy March 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I’d love to be able to talk to the younger me!!! I love my life now but in my 20’sthoughts there are a few things I’d do differently!

Carrie March 28, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I hear you…I’d probably yack my own ears off.

fashionista era March 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm

HAHAHHA!!! Totallyyyyyy with you, i think I always look back on my life and wonder about it. How can I make it better and how to improve it and ive learnt things that I think I can help kids know someday! They should know to handle life and i guess we all do stupid stuff we just need to get wiser and wake up. THANK YOU OPRAH! I agree!! Oprah has really saved my life at a very young age she influenced me in so many ways and has been such an inspiration!! Love her!! :))

THanks for all your wonderful comments on my blog Carrie, your such a doll. Bless you and thank you for all the laughs!!
fashionista era recently posted..Soul Quotes : Mother TeresaMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:31 am

I agree…and as much as I hate to admit it, Ol’Oprah threw some good wisdom out there. Lots of things I heard her say has stuck with me.

You’re too sweet…much love. =)

Rach (DonutsMama) March 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I like your list as much as I like the fake Andy Rooney letter. Actually, I like your list more.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: NosyMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:32 am

I just wish I would have listened to my own list sooner. But you know…in my 20’s I was gonna rule the world and already knew everything there was to know!

=)
Carrie recently posted..I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.My Profile

Claire Lopez March 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Love this and I can sooooo relate (especially since I am ever-so-slightly older than you)! I’ve read Andy Rooney’s (or whoever’s) article and loved it. We are FABULOUS!

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:33 am

Yes, we are.

And if we don’t think we are…no one else will think we are. It’s not arrogance and it’s not over-confidence. It is what it is.

By 40 we’ve been through enough to warrant wearing that title!
Carrie recently posted..I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.My Profile

jennie March 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

LOVELY really! It’s ok he didn’t write it! It’s awesome!
jennie recently posted..Big OuchyMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:34 am

Yep…totally ok. I just appreciate the fact someone DID write it.

It said things I knew, just didn’t know how to ever say about us girls.

=)
Carrie recently posted..I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.My Profile

Becca March 28, 2012 at 11:46 pm

It’s true about being alone. I know some people who are unable to be alone and they don’t always keep the best company unfortunately :(
Becca recently posted..Santa Barbara Axxess Blogging…Year 3 #7 – China PavilionMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:40 am

Becca, that is probably my favorite one. I’m very fortunate in the fact that I have always been able to do things alone.

I don’t mind doing dinner alone (with a good book in hand), or a Saturday afternoon movie or shopping or a road trip or just hanging out at home.

Actually, sometimes I prefer to be alone. It’s when I can really face the shit life is throwing at me and figure out what to do with it…if anything.

But I do think women need to know how to be alone so they can see who they really are.
Carrie recently posted..I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.My Profile

Jamie March 28, 2012 at 11:58 pm

This is amazing! Love love love this! And your points are all SO true! If only I could make myself take my makeup off every night. It’s horrible, I know!
Jamie recently posted..The Go Anywhere Baby MonitorMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:43 am

Girl, I fought my momma for YEARS over that. She was strict. If I was gonna wear it, I had to remove it at night.

Now, I am so thankful. And really way anal about my skin care. Especially when I hear, “SHUT UP….YOU’RE over 40?!?”

Even if they’re lying…I don’t care. I like hearing it. =)
Carrie recently posted..I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.My Profile

Barbara March 29, 2012 at 5:32 am

You are so right. Personally, I find this to be a great age range. Hmmm, I think I need to rediscover bright red lipstick!!
Barbara recently posted..Finding A New NormalMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:45 am

I wouldn’t go back one year. I love getting older and though I might be dumb as a box of rocks at times…I’m street-wise as shit.

And I like those lessons only life can teach you. I’m a much better woman now than I was at 30 and even 35.

“I” like me now…and as far as I’m concerned, in that area, I’m the only one that matters.
Carrie recently posted..I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.My Profile

Nathalie March 29, 2012 at 7:30 am

Well, I’m fairly younger than you, but I know one thing: I like 30 so much better than I did my twenties. My mother in law has told me that 40 is awesome, so I’m looking forward to it, lol.

There’s one thing that I’m not sure is true. I can pull off red lipstick. Of any color. ;0)

I attribute to my “classic” looks.

Meaning to say, I’m chubby. LOL!
Nathalie recently posted..This Week On Pinterest: Home EditionMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 9:48 am

Your mother-in-law is right. Your 40’s ARE awesome. Each year gets better. I promise.

There’s no such thing as chubby. You’re fluffy and fabulous. You’re the best you that you can be.

And I love it. =)
Carrie recently posted..I never thought a man would understand women. Until I became, well…older.My Profile

Maren March 29, 2012 at 11:42 am

Every time you post you crack me up! I LOVE coming here because you are so spot on about everything you have to say! ♥ you!
Maren recently posted..Bummed..My Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 11:50 am

Well, now EVERYTHING is a big word for me.

You’re the real deal. You got it going on, Tutz!!

Jennifer March 29, 2012 at 1:42 pm

The 40s are just wonderful, aren’t they??!! :)
Seriously, it is quite liberating to be a wise “older” woman.
Jennifer recently posted..Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 1:59 pm

For reelz…they totally are.

There’s something about being able to speak your mind and not give a rats ass. And that first time you do it…and you realize your tongue or larynx isn’t going to burst into flames?

That shit feels good.

Carrie's Experimental Kitchen March 29, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Oh I get it all too well and it’s so true. I LOVE being in my 40’s so much better than my 20’s. I’m much more confident in myself and could give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about me. I like me, my family and friends like me…that’s all that matters. :)
Carrie’s Experimental Kitchen recently posted..CEK’s 2012 Home Grown Chef ContestMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Amen, girl. You’re right…that’s all that matters.

It was pretty eye-opening when that time hit for me. Hell, who am I kidding…it STILL is.

LeAnne March 29, 2012 at 6:43 pm

You, as always, make me think…

YOU ARE F****ING brilliant.

And how far is it to Austin????

This is all so true, older women, they know what they’re doing.

Don’t mess with them.
Trust them with your life.
Respect them as if your life depended on it.
Run like hell if you don’t.

You wear 43 way too well my friend.

We all might need to watch out ;)
LeAnne recently posted..I don’t want to! and other sayings from a three year oldMy Profile

Carrie March 29, 2012 at 8:21 pm

“Don’t mess with them.
Trust them with your life.
Respect them as if your life depended on it.
Run like hell if you don’t.”

I LOVE THAT. Speaking of brilliant…uh, you got it going on.

Austin ain’t that far. And I’ll be in your area in September!

And I CAN’T WAIT!

(And anytime you wanna just blow it all to hell and say the “F” word…you can come over here by me.)

Love. =)

Bonnie March 30, 2012 at 8:20 am

I can’t see myself being 30. I’m 23 now.
Does that make you hate me?

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88
Bonnie recently posted..Alice + Olivia + MrGlamKittenMy Profile

Carrie March 30, 2012 at 9:01 am

Hate you?? Never ever. Never. You’re too precious.

It makes me excited for you. You have so much more wisdom and smarts at your age now than I did at 35. (And probably even at my age now!)

You have been able to witness strong women rise above situations that weren’t talked about or acknowledged much when I was your age.

When I was 23, I married. When I was 30, he cheated the first time. I should have left then. But instead I didn’t know how I’d make it day by day without him to support me, so I stayed. When he cheated for the 2nd time when I was 34, I left.

I was forced to choose between my marriage and my self-respect and “I” won out.

(Finally. It was about time.)

Your generation of women is much more independent and much stronger than mine ever was. And us girls in our 40’s applaud you girls in your 20’s and get excited to see you succeed and tackle the world on your terms.

You make us proud.

So, hate you? Never. Cheer for you and the future you’re building…ALWAYS.

=)

Connie Weiss March 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

I pay people to tell me that I don’t look 41.

I don’t feel it and I don’t act it.

And at this very moment….I might be pregnant. Or in menopause.
Connie Weiss recently posted..Why I Really Can’t Go back To FresnoMy Profile

Carrie March 30, 2012 at 10:04 am

Well, honestly from the pics I’ve seen…you DON’T look 41.

And God knows you don’t act it. It takes a young, feisty spirit to tackle the Easter Bunny and Santa.

(Checks in the mail.)

And on that menopause note…I can not WAIT to hear the shit you do when you’re riding THAT pony! Hysterical!

Krystyn (Krizzy Designs) March 30, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I just love yours! (As I just noticed this week that WOW, I need to start putting lotion on my skin..it’s begging for it!)

And, keeping in touch. So important.
Krystyn (Krizzy Designs) recently posted..A little photo catch-up | PSFMy Profile

Carrie March 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I sometimes feel like I live in a tub of lotion.

Could be worse, I guess. =)

Karyn March 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I’ve never seen this, but I love it! I want to know who wrote it – I may need to leave my husband for a man such as this!
Karyn recently posted..Sneaking in the Back DoorMy Profile

Julie March 31, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I love your thoughts! Absolutely perfect….all of them. I can’t even think of anything funny to say because you hit the nail on the head.

Julie
Julie recently posted..I Went To College For This? RevisitedMy Profile

Holly from 300 Pounds April 1, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Oh yes this is so true!!!!!!!!!!

Felicia April 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

AAAAAAAAAAmen, Brother Rooney (or whoever wrote it).
Felicia recently posted..Signature or Rut?My Profile

Jessica April 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Happy BELATED birthday, I believe. :) I’m sorry I am so late to the party.

Ami April 20, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Miss Carrie, I’m impressed! :-)

I ain’t 40 yet, but I’m seeing this. I’m feeling this. I love this.

Carrie April 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Oh, it’ll hit you soon. And when it does…AMEN!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: