Where the hell have I been this week??
I look up and it’s Friday and I’m all, “Whaaaat?? It was just Sunday and I was eating cake at mom’s! Now it’s Friday?!?”
Yeah. Cake. But not really. But kinda really.
Mom made a cake. Out of meatloaf. I swear to you it HAD to be a Pinterest thing. Had to be.
She kept saying, “I think we’re gonna eat dessert first today.” And of course, my nieces were all over that shit.
And she pulls out this big round “cake” with what appeared to be white icing.
It was mashed potatoes. On the meatloaf cake.
Yes, it was.
(I don’t know why I didn’t get a picture, either.)
(Probably due to the state of confusion I was in.)
(And state of pissiness I was in when I discovered it was not red velvet.)
However, it was pretty scrumpt. But mom has always been a shorter, hotter version of Emeril.
(She could cook a shoe and you’d swear it was the best you’ve ever had.)
Oh, I have 2 new additions to my cubicle at the work joint.
Along with my 6′ life-size stand-up of Captain Jack Sparrow, my 6′ life-size stand-up of Rhett and Scarlet, Beyonce’ my little metal chicken, my hot pink pageant sash with “Fabulous” on it, and a big, dumb stuff pillow fish (that was here long before me)…I have my 2 pink flamingos:
I mentioned on Facebook the other day how I love me some pink flamingos (don’t be acting all surprised) (and don’t hate)…
These just showed up in my cubicle.
(Even though I do think I know who left them.)
I love them.
(And so does Captain Jack and Rhett and Scarlet.)
(Scarlet probably a little more cause she’s a girl and all.)
(My cubicle is huge. I could skate in that bad boy if I wanted.)
(And if I could skate.)
I also read a book.
In less than 18 hours.
Yes, I did.
I couldn’t put it down and I can’t talk about it much. Or I’ll totally tell way too much for anyone who is reading it or might read it.
Fifty Shades of Grey.
(Oh. My. God.)
(I’m weak and dizzy and quivery just thinking about it.)
And that’s about all I can say about that.
Other than SWEET JESUS SOMEBODY FIND ME A MAN WHO WEARS HOT WORKOUT SWEATS LOW ON HIS HIPS AND NO SHIRT.
AND HAS GOOD HAIR!
(Actually…I do have more requirements but I just can’t say anymore or I’ll totally say too much!)
(So, stop reading this and move along or I’m gonna keep talking about it.)
And he flys a helicopter.
(It’s pure porn.)
(And I’ve already pre-ordered the next two books in this trilogy.)
(I don’t know what a trilogy is.)
(But right now, I don’t friggin care.)
(I asked you to move along a few lines ago.)
(In my mind, Christian Grey is the hottest man to ever live between my ears.)
And of course, I had a little time to whip out the ol’Silly Putty this week.
And get a little arteeeestic on you.
I have just been swamped with being busy this week.
(Stop thinking about that book!)
(Wait. Nevermind. It’s me…not you.)