Steer clear of sky-high bookcases and ass-breathers. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

April 26, 2012 in Hit or Miss...kinda like my dating life.,Me and My Public Self,Stuff I Should Think About Regretting Later

“I like how she’s open and real and isn’t afraid to talk about things that affect her.  Like her having depression and anxiety and stuff like that.”

That’s what Katie said about The Bloggess when we were headed downtown Austin last night to see The Bloggess at her book signing.

“Yeah.  I can appreciate that.  I’ve been all eat up with depression before.  Years ago.  It was after my divorce, but I’ve never actually had anxiety attacks though.  Nope.  Never.  Not me.”

That’s what I said about me when we were headed downtown Austin last night to see The Bloggess at her book signing.

Then we get to the book store.

We head upstairs.  To this loft-y area.  Where it is to all take place.

Katie had her book.

I had my book.

And Beyonce.  In my purse.

Sticking her beak out the top and scratching my shiny, silver wallet all to hell in the bottom.

People galore.


I.  Mean.  Friggin.  Everywhere.

Why the shit am I starting to sweat?

Why is Katie knitting a WOOL sock?

Why the fuck are there so many people?

Don’t people go to church on Wednesday night anymore?


Where’s the bathroom?

Oh, my God…is that sweat?

Then I looked around.

Bookcases were like skyscrapers around my 5’1″ looming stature.

People getting all talky and breathe-y around me.  Blowing breath everywhere.  No fans.  No breeze.  No nothing.

Just ass-breath.

(That’s what it had to be.)

I swear I think that’s when I started getting all anxiety-ish.  Didn’t panic.  But seriously….GIVE ME SOME FREAKING AIR.

And The Bloggess is now 4 minutes late.


I’m out of here.

I had to get air.  And I wanted non-previously-breathed-then-pumped-back-out-a-pie-hole air.

So, I went downstairs and sat on the steps under the loft area where The Bloggess would be speaking.

And it was cool.

And I stopped sweating.

And I could breathe.

And all that…that…well, ass-breath was upstairs.

And I was not.

I was good now.

Then I hear laughter and giggling and that wispy, kinda-high-pitchy-soft voice.  The Bloggess had appeared.

I laughed from downstairs.  In the cooler air.  The cooler-non-ass-breath air.

A few minutes later when The Bloggess was done talking about diarrhea, laxatives and such, I snuck back up (is snuck a word?) and got in line with Katie for the book signing.

The line went fairly quick and before I knew it…there she was.

(It was a little like when I stood in line to kiss Jon Bon Jovi.)

(On the mouth.)

(Which I totally did not do.)

(But I have in my mind many, many times.)

There I was.  I was standing at her table and she was signing MY book.


In all her glory.

Couldn't get a picture of her actually signing Beyonce...mostly because I was weepy and child-like at that moment.

(I would say I thought I heard angels, but whatever it was I was hearing was cursing and well, no angels I know of curse so it was probably just me in my  head.)

Pictures were snapped.

Not of me.  Of Jenny.  The Bloggess.

(I wouldn’t take a picture because, well I don’t take pictures.)

(And don’t think Katie didn’t question me up and down with, “Soooooo…you hate taking pictures, but yet you vlog?  Yeah, THAT makes a lotta sense.”)

(And she did it in that I-really-am-trying-to-sound-like-I-don’t-think-you’re-a-jackass-but-we-both-know-you’re-a-total-jackass voice.)


Smiles were traded.  Kind words of appreciation were heartfelt.

A total class act.  The Bloggess has it going on.

(No matter how anxiety-ish she might sometimes get…she’s got it going on.)

Then it was Katie’s turn to get her book signed and well, she wedged those socks in the pic.

Which was completely fantastic to me.

Apparently, the anxiety I still refuse to admit I might have possibly had, was gone by this time.

(Damn ass-breathing people getting me all hot and flustered.)

There are things in life that mean something to you, but maybe not so much to others.

This sweaty book signing meant tons to me.

And it meant even more sharing it with someone else who understands and gets it and knows that excitement and buzz in the air and appreciates it as much as I do.

And I am so glad Katie was there.

And her sock.

Because this is something I will forever remember and having a sweet friend in that memory only makes it better.

And even though I think I know all there is to know about me…I don’t.

Because maybe I do sometimes have anxiety-ish moments.  Maybe I do get that closed-in feeling when surrounded by sky-high bookcases and ass-breathers.

But I still refuse to admit it.

I’ll  just stay clear of sky-high bookcases and ass-breathers.

Because it’s easier that way than admitting it.

So, there.

Kat1e April 26, 2012 at 8:43 pm

If I’d known I was gonna get quoted, I could have said something more eloquent than “and stuff like that”.

I just want to confirm. You won’t let me take a picture of you, but you vlog? I’m going to take a picture of you at some point…..this is like Nathan Fillion and the ball of twine. THINK FAST! We’ll call it exposure therapy and I won’t even bill you.

Thanks for a super fun night! We should TOTALLY do that again sometime!!
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Carrie April 26, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Now…you might get the bottom of my shoes diving under my desk.

I always have that “dumb-huh” look in pictures.

Totally doing it again. You’re not off the hook that easy.

Jennifer April 26, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Carrie April 26, 2012 at 9:30 pm

She was pretty amazing.

And I can’t wait to hear about all the fun stuff Noah and Zoe are going to come up with getting ready for England!!

Those two are a hoot!!
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Kristy April 26, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Ok, so apparently I’ve been living under the big ROUND ROCK here in TX bc I really have no clue who this so-super-important-lady-worth-breathing-ass-breath IS! I really MUST get out more!!

Best post I’ve read all day! 😉

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Carrie April 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Oh, absolutely!!

You have to read her…

Hysterical. I have pee’d more than twice reading her.

Click the link I have tied to “Beyonce” up there. That is the funniest thing I’ve ever read and then you’ll understand why I have Beyonce, my little metal chicken!

Kristy April 26, 2012 at 9:30 pm

omg!!!! i”m an idiot!!!!! You mean, The Blogess… as in.. THE BIG METAL CHICKEN AT THE FRONT DOOR BLOGESS!!!


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Carrie April 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

You on the margaritas again?


Kristy April 26, 2012 at 10:10 pm

hahahaha! No… but obviously I need to be!! My sober brain fails me e’rry time!
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Kristy April 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm

OH and so you know.. I’ve just ordered her book off Amazon! 🙂
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mark April 26, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Jenny’s a hoot! Glad you got autographs and photographs and a story worth of the bloggess-she does spend all of the people’s party at blogher in the bathroom.

Carrie April 27, 2012 at 6:00 am

She was fab…really was a good time despite my crap.


Karine April 27, 2012 at 12:06 am

Those not-panic-attacks attacks really do suck!

But at least you had the courage to go back near the ass-breathers and sky-high bookcases! I would’ve stood outside weeping like a total moron (I’m generally a total moron but at that time I would have been a coward weeping total moron…).

Is it because I’m new to this blogging thing or is it because I’m a total douche that I have no idea about who the Bloggess is? I’m probably a douche.

Well, at least I already knew THAT.

Gonna go read up on the Bloggess now.
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Carrie April 27, 2012 at 6:01 am

Definitely have to read her. She is a riot!!

Puts her own twist on things that are hysterical!

sky554 April 27, 2012 at 4:38 am

Hi Carrie, I really enjoyed reading this post. I’m liking the metal chicken too! 🙂
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Carrie April 27, 2012 at 6:02 am

Thank you…so glad you stopped by!

Barbara April 27, 2012 at 6:13 am

Oh, I love it. What a fun night!! I still need to download her book when I get time to read. I’ve heard it is hilarious.
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Carrie April 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I started it the other day and the girl is a HOOT!

We had a great time. It was the first book signing I’ve ever been to and I will definitely be to more when an author I love comes through here!
Carrie recently posted..Steer clear of sky-high bookcases and ass-breathers. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.My Profile

Maren April 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I’ve never heard of her before either, so I’ll definitely check her site out. Also, that metal chicken is to die for!
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Carrie April 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Oh, she’s hysterical! You will love her!

Rob R April 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm

When my blog becomes famous like that and I write a book, I will personally come to your house and sign whatever you want. Microwave. Kitchen floor. Toilet seat. Whatever.
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Carrie April 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Now that would be ridiculously awesome. I will totally hold you to it.

And I suppose I should offer the same thing back.

Ooohhh….and we can call friends and go eat and drink wine and laugh and people watch and…well, now I’ve gone completely off track.

Jennifer April 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

“I had to get air. And I wanted non-previously-breathed-then-pumped-back-out-a-pie-hole air.”
OMG, I have felt this way so many times in crowds. Thank you for putting it so eloquently!! 🙂
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Carrie April 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I would have preferred to include a few more choice words because THAT’S how I really felt.

I did tell Katie before we got there, “How cool would it be if there were only like 5 people that showed up and we had like a one-on-one chat with her?!?”

She just looked at me and said something about how The Bloggess probably wouldn’t really appreciate that, it would be totally uncool and how this book signing wasn’t all about me and to stop wishing for only 5 people to show up.

Not all about me.

She apparently doesn’t know me.


Carrie's Experimental Kitchen April 27, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I would have wanted to get air too! lol So glad you got to go and great post as usual!
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Maggie S. April 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Congratulations on a great event. I know. I ain’t trying to wait in any milion person line to meet my folk. I hate crowds. I especially hate crowds all up in my bookstore. WTF is that?

My life really is probably just one extended anxiety attack, so, really I have no business commenting at all.

I love you. I miss your funny.
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Kim @The G is Silent April 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm


Karyn April 27, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I cant believe you went to see her, how fun! I also cant believe she’s hit the big time and is doing book signings! I used to read her way back when. Good for her. BTW girl I wrote a new post – that’s 2 in 2 weeks. Uh-huh, I know you’re impressed.
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Carrie April 27, 2012 at 8:54 pm

She was pretty fab…that’s for sure.

Oh, I read you earlier today at lunch. I just can’t comment from the office. (I’ll be back over to comment though!)

And it appears I’M not the only one who harps on you for not blogging more.

Definitely GOOD to know. =)

Keitha April 28, 2012 at 8:43 am

Love your description of Book People Wednesday night. I was one of those heavy, sweaty breathers in the crowd. But, Jenny was so worth the wait! She graciously accepted the Hamlet Von Schnitzel sandwich I made for her with a smile and a laugh, she even tweeted about it the next day. I would certainly brave the crowds to hear her speak again.

Carrie April 28, 2012 at 8:57 am

She was pretty fantastic…and definitely worth the wait.

And how fun! A Hamlet Von Schnitzel sandwich! I bet she had a field day with that! I love it!

jennie April 28, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Awesome!!!!!!!!! I love her book! I had her book signed but didn’t actually get to be there myself… Thanks for sharing!
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Carrie April 28, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I was cracking up while reading it last night…she’s a damn nut!

Fashionista Era (@Fashionistaera) April 28, 2012 at 2:39 pm

awww wow!! looks like you had a great time…once you got past the ‘ass=breathers’ (sorry i laughed my heart out when i heard this phrase) – i can apply this phrase to a lotta losers I have met who get on my nerves!! They all are sure ass breathers hahah!

btw, sweetheart thanks for your adorable words on my last post! Arent you just pure honey!!!! Adore you always..and the best part about you, i know your real when u speak so you meant what you said, unlike random ppl who just stop by so that I would check their blogs lol…!! thanks sweetie!! your so so adorable!!

Btw Jon Bonjovi! you didnt kiss him! come on! 😀 hehe….i went for his concert oh how gorgeous is he, ii could have met him backstage – my dad had VIP passes. ( Welli turned up late. so much for BAD LUCK) lol.. tats life. Hahaha!! Mwah love always!! hanz
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Carrie April 28, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Well, I did see Bon Jovi a couple of years ago.

Floor seats.

Which totally reminded me that Richie Sambora is getting old and so am I.

(Your words are so sweet…can’t say thank you enough!)

LeAnne April 29, 2012 at 10:01 am

Ok closed in spaces and ass-breath totally scare me now. I am glad to know that I’m not the only one cause I have been seriously considering becoming a hermit.

Looks like a ton of fun, I have GOT to get her book!!!!! congrats on the Beyonce signing :0

Did you see where she is now the most beautiful woman in the world? People magazine got her picture wrong though. 😉
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Carrie April 29, 2012 at 10:14 am

I know, right!?!

I was all up in that magazine looking for her little beak and tailfeathers and they kept showing pics of some chick who is a singer married to Jay-Z and has a baby now.

I don’t get it. How do magazines stay on the shelf with such big screwups like that??

Jennifer April 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

YAY! How cool that you got to meet her in person. I wanted to meet her so bad last year at BlogHer, but the line was just so long and I felt kind of ridiculous so I just skipped it. Maybe this year.
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Carrie April 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

It was really exciting once I got past all the sweaty crap.

I do think next time though, that book store will be a little more prepared. I don’t think they realized she would draw so many people on a Wednesday night.

Connie Weiss April 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

I feel like I was THERE with you!
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Carrie April 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Trust me. You were probably much cooler and less sweatier.

But she was totally worth a few sparkles of perspiration.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell April 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

So freakin’ cool and especially since you only had to suffer through a partial ass-breath time period to make it happen.
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Amanda May 1, 2012 at 9:06 am

I AM SO FREAKING JEALOUS!!!!!!!!! I was going to go see her and she was only 30 minutes from my house which says a lot about Dallas and I was bedridden with bronchitis. The only thing I could think about was that it would be horrible if I ended up being the douche that got Jenny sick enough with my ICU funk that she ended up in the hospital and had to put her tour on hold. So I didn’t go. Dammit. I’m glad you got to see her though, even if more than 5 people were there.
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Carrie May 1, 2012 at 12:55 pm

She was phenomenal!

And yes. I’m glad you didn’t go getting her all infected with funk. Cause hospitals probably don’t take too kindly to hoards of people lined up down the halls holding books and metal chickens and other taxidermied animals.

Though SHE would have had a total ball with that!! And probably included it in her next book!

L.Hewitt May 1, 2012 at 11:52 am

Hey there,
Just popped over from the Bearded Iris. Loving your blog. I subscribed and will be back. (that’s sort of a warning – in a totally I’m not a troll, you just made me spit coke you are so funy sort of way.)

Carrie May 1, 2012 at 12:54 pm

YAY!! That Iris. Is she a friggin nutcase or what??

She better thank her lucky stars she lives in Atlanta or I’d pester the hell out of her.

And I’m so glad you love it! I love you being here!

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