My leap to stardom could happen this week. Probably won’t, but it could so shut up.

May 22, 2012 in Me and My Public Self

I know.

Total asshat.

If I’m honest, I do think I just came out of hibernation.

I am a creature of habit.  I don’t love that about me, but sometimes the truth hurts.  Or sucks.  The big one.

I’ve been thrown off kilter for the last couple of weeks and am finally getting my groove back.

(Stella…I am not, however.)

Between the trip to Abilene then a trip back home for a funeral of a friend entirely too young to leave us…I’ve been scrambling.

(And yes.  43 is entirely too young to leave a husband of 20+ years and a 15 year old son.  And loads of friends.  And tons of co-workers.  And a family of love.  Too young.)

Anyway.

I figure here is the best place as any to announce my possible leap to stardom.

OK.  Maybe not a leap.

(Cause really, I’m too old to leap for anything.)

(And you know me way too well to even think I’d leap at anything.)

(Other than maybe a rich man with a bad heart.)

(But that’s another post altogether.)

(And well, there’s the boobs, too.)

Anyway.

Diane, that friend who wanted to hear nothing about my new pretty bras and bountiful bustline?  Yeah.  She likes me no matter what she might say otherwise.

She called me the other day in her monotone twang and said, “We’re going to The X-Factor live taping next Thursday.  Wear something bright and fancy.  And act your age for once.  And don’t even think about getting close to the stage.  And you’re keeping your top on.  And my husband will not bail you out this time.”

She then hung up.

(OK.  Maybe I threw in some of that…but she was totally thinking it, I’m certain.)

Yes.  I will be in the audience for the LIVE taping of The X-Factor.  I sho’ will.

(I know.)

(You should really wish to be me right now.)

(OK…I take that back.  I’m having some seriously suck-ass bad hair days so really, don’t wish to be me until after Friday.  When I get this wig back under control.)

Anyway, because I’m not as hip as I tend to let others believe…I had to Google it.

I mean, I know Simon Cowell is the lead dude but I wanted to know who else I’d be gracing with my presence.

(Sit.  Down.)

(Now.)

(You probably already are.  Who reads this shit standing up?)

Who did I find would be there?  In the same room with me?

(Besides Diane, of course.)

(And several kadillion screaming fans.)

(Not my fans.  The X-Factor fans.)

BRITNEY SPEARS.

DEMI LOVATO.

Uh, huh.

Now this might not totally excite you enough to squeal like the 3rd grade girl who just got kissed by the cute little boy in the cafeteria after she gave him her roll, but it did me.

(And yes.  That roll-giveaway tactic always got me some action.)

(Though it no longer works.)

(Just trust me.)

(It’s kinda creepy now.)

My nieces are dying.  Demi Lovato.  Apparently she is someone I need to know more about.  But really, it’s kinda fun to call the younger niece and when she answers say nothing but, “Demi Lovato” and then hang up.

And not answer when she calls back.

Squealing me a voicemail.

(I love terror.)

But Britney.

I know me some Britney. 

And yeah.  Ol’Britney has had her share of el-problem-os.  But haven’t we all?

I mean, who hasn’t shaved their head?  Who hasn’t been out partying with their hoo-hoo shining?  Who hasn’t married some random dude from their high school in Vegas only to divorce him minutes later?

That’s what I thought.

Which is why I forever say DON’T JUDGE.  We’ve all been there.

Right?  Haven’t “we?”

Remember how I’ve said in the past I get to the office and one of the fabulous people in my life has left me a little surprise?

For no reason?

It happened again.

I’m in love.

Remember how Diane was rather strict and demanding that I “Wear something bright and fancy” to this gig Thursday night?

Uh, huh.

These were on my desk.  And I’m wearing them.

Cause they’re “bright and fancy.”

She is totally gonna hate.

 So, should you not hear from me after Thursday night it can only mean a few things:

1.  I’ve been discovered.

(For what?  No friggin clue.)

2.  A rich man with a bad heart was there and I leapt.

(Odds are that ain’t gonna happen…but so what.)

3.  Britney needed a back-up dancer and I happen to be close to the stage.

(I have the rhythm of a 43 year old white girl.  Let’s not touch that.)

3.  Diane couldn’t take it anymore and jammed my glasses down my throat.

(Could.  Totally.  Happen.)

Rob R May 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Lol. I was in the audience of The Price is Right a few times. Got real excited when I saw them swing the camera my way until I realized how many chins they added.

I conveniently told nobody what day the show was going to be on TV.
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Carrie May 22, 2012 at 3:10 pm

In the audience of The Price is Right??

I would be in heaven. Sheer heaven. Screaming out prices to people I don’t even know.

And I’d probably rush the stage when Bob called me up.

Cause you KNOW he would. =)

Maggie S. May 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I guess you’ll follow-up with airtimes for this foolishness?

It’s only a matter of time until you leap.

How old is Simon? He’s rich. And you’ll be RIGHT THERE.
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Carrie May 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm

You know I’ll be barking out airtimes the minute I know!

Simon? He’s just so…so…stick in the mud. I don’t think I could tolerate him for long.

My fingers are crossed maybe Johnnie Depp will, for some freakish reason, be a judge, too.

I don’t know why I think the things I think either. Don’t ask.

Jennifer May 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Love the glasses!! Hee-larious. Be sure & tell us when your Discovery episode will air.
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Carrie May 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Yeah, Diane is gonna die when I whip those bad boys out of my purse and say, “Here’s your bright and fancy!”

Jennifer May 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Those are definitely bright… {ahem} and fancy.
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Carrie May 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm

You know, you’d think I would eventually outgrow silly stuff like this.

But nope. I’m hopeless. =)

Chrissy May 22, 2012 at 7:16 pm

You know that Diane will have the same glasses.
I’d add some more bling to them!!!

Carrie May 22, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I thought about that, but figured they’ll have to do.

And she’s already nixed them.

Or so she thinks.

Britney is gonna love’em. =)

Jef May 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I bet you could pole vault your way to stardom and a rich man with a bad heart. I have faith in you, girl.

Carrie May 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Ooohhh…now THAT has me thinking!

You’re good, Jef…really good!

Karyn May 22, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I don’t watch X Factor, but of course now I will. Not for Britney or Demi – I thought Demi Lovato was Demi Moore who changed her name to get away from the whole Ashton Kutcher thing – turns out not. (Demi Moore is much more my era.)

I will be watching just to see you in your outfit and glasses, and when I do, I will scream and point at the TV and slap my thigh like a retarded seal, while my husband looks at me (again) perplexed at what the hell I am going on about.

I cant wait.
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Carrie May 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

HAHA!!! I was lost on Demi Lovato, too. Until my niece set me straight.

I do believe I lost major hip-points for that.

And even more when I started singing, “HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME” at her. Her poor eyes couldn’t roll far enough.

Jamie May 22, 2012 at 11:33 pm

I just love you. And so maybe I was reading it standing up. Ok, who am I kidding.

I hope you have lots of fun and those glasses get you “discovered.” 😉
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Carrie May 23, 2012 at 6:16 am

I just love you back and can’t wait till that baby girl is here!

I’m sure those glasses could get me discovered…but probably not the way I’m thinking.

=)

Fashionista Era May 23, 2012 at 4:16 am

Hey sweetie! well being in audience is as good as part of event and celeb right 😀 well they should be honored to have you! I love britney music yah personal stuff with her was a mess..I guess most of them cant handle the pressure of stardom at such a young age.

Big hugs!!!
http://www.fashionistaera.blogspot.com

Carrie May 23, 2012 at 6:17 am

I can’t wait…I’ve never done anything like this so I’m pretty excited!

Diane May 23, 2012 at 8:18 am

Everyone really needs to pray for me. I’m going to worry all night what you might possibly do to get us thrown out of the building. It’s going to be a long 5hrs. But I cannot imagine going to this thing with anyone but you. Just try to compose yourself when Brittney walks onto the stage.

Carrie May 23, 2012 at 8:24 am

Forgot to tell you. I’m bringing a snake in case she does “I’m a Slave for You.”

And I’m wearing my Catholic school girl outfit should she do “Hit me Baby.”

You’ve been warned.

Lisa Guedry May 23, 2012 at 9:08 am

All you need now is some big bright flamingo earrings!

Carrie May 23, 2012 at 9:25 am

I’m telling you…when I’m about 78, I’m gonna be stylin’!

Yes. I’m gonna be “that” lady.

Connie Weiss May 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

You are going to have sooooo much fun and those glasses are PERFECT!

I knew you when…..
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Carrie May 23, 2012 at 6:16 pm

You “knew me when” nothing!! You’ll totally be in my entourage.

I’m gonna need somebody to sit by the pool and drink with me!

Karine May 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

You are totally gonna rock the place with those glasses… and the snake… and the school girl outfit! (Ok, now I might be scared for Diane… but at least you’ll be easy to spot!)
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Carrie May 23, 2012 at 6:16 pm

HAHA!! “Scared for Diane” is right!

Hell, DIANE is scared for Diane at this point!

Barbara May 24, 2012 at 10:04 am

Oh you are going to have so much fun!
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Carrie May 25, 2012 at 10:40 pm

It was FABULOUS!

katie metzroth May 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I heard Britney was crazy. Can’t wait to hear your recap. OR are you done with us cuz you’re all famous now and stuff?
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Carrie June 1, 2012 at 9:38 am

Britney was a bit of a diva.

Ok. More than a bit.

Like…a lot. But I ain’t hatin’.

Holly from 300 Pounds Down June 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

Oh my gosh!! I thought you were going to be ON the X-factor..as one of the contestants!!! I seriously thought that when I first followed the link! I thought maybe you would do stand up. I totally think you could by the way!
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