“Oh, my GOD! You will go to the movies alone??” Totally by yourself??”
More than once I’ve heard that crap when I say I don’t mind going to the movies alone.
That reaction comes with the same disbelief as if I just said I’ve got a rash with burn.
(Or a date.)
But anyway. Yes. I don’t have a problem with going to the movies alone.
(Nobody yammering in my ear, nobody crunching a chip bag, nobody sticking that popcorn trough under my nose with, “Here. You want some?” in that hideously loud whisper that every other fool within 4 rows can hear.)
(Nobody with a jackass laugh that makes me want to stick a fork in my temple.)
Mid-afternoon last Saturday, I decided on the 3:45 showing of Rock of Ages.
(Fully expecting to be repulsed by Tom Cruise’s nipples. And leather-clad butt cheeks. Because I heard all 4 of those things are on display.)
There’s a theater here in Austin that isn’t your typical theater.
(And by ‘isn’t your typical theater’, I mean ‘you can do beer there.’)
It has a full menu and loooong list of beverages. Beverages of the adult persuasion, that is.
While waiting on the movie to start, this supremely cool theater is showing old rock videos.
(And by ‘old’ I mean from 1987.)
I order my potato skins.
(Don’t judge. I ain’t walking my balls off and sweating like two hamsters doing it in a wool sock just to eat lettuce.)
And ranch dressing to dip them in.
And here comes this big ol’family of five to sit beside me. With one empty chair between us. Because my purse is in it. Kinda looks like I’m saving that chair. As if I’m waiting on my date to arrive.
(Which I’m totally not. He talked way too much about his ex-wife and brought up sex on the second date. I mean, really? How fucking lucky did he think he’d get? Mentioning the ex-wife more than 4 times within 6 total hours of being around him THEN casually asking if I enjoy sex? I don’t know about you…but a discussion on what great friends a man is with his ex-wife has never been an aphrodisiac for me.)
This family had 3 boys that looked to be about, well…younger than Bieber. And when I first saw them slithering down the aisle to take a seat, in a very judgementally way I thought, “No way these kids know this music.”
I love being right.
More than those potato skins…I love being right.
Remember they’re showing old rock videos? Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Poison, Quiet Riot, Bon Jovi…the stuff with hair higher than mine.
I look to the screen and what do I see? David Lee Roth. Oh, yes I do. The man I swore to marry when I was a high school senior.
Back in 1987.
(Any man with hair THAT good and pants with the butt cheeks out…was husband material for me at that time.)
(Priorities, my friends. Priorities.)
Van Halen ruled my heart back then.
The kid seated closest to me wearing the chewed-up looking rubber sandals and jeans just a little too short because they looked like kinda-too-long-and-too-baggy jorts, leaned over and whispered so that every other fool within 4 rows could hear, “MA’AM. Excuse me…MA’AM.”
(That little mofo. Ma’am? Really?)
(I mean, it was kinda dark. Shouldn’t the dimming of the lights and the reflection of the black and white video soften my appearance down to at least the “hey hot stuff” level?)
Well, here’s my Facebook posting after later that day. I think it can explain better than I can here:
(Read this next line really, reeeeally slooooow.)
(And with a twang.)
He asked me who that was up there on the screen.
I mean, I really think the rating on this movie shouldn’t have been PG-13 or whatever it was.
The rating should have been:
IF YOU KNOW THE HAIR BANDS IN THE VIDEOS BEFORE THE SHOWING YOU CAN STAY.
Van-friggin-Halen. Never heard of’em.
(Kids these days. WTF are we raising, I ask you? What is our future to be??)
I went back to my potato skins after that little exchange of words.
Thank God for potato skins. With ranch dressing.
(That I dripped on my damn shirt.)
(So not cool.)
Anyway, the movie was really, really good in a Grease-is-the-word kind of way. I mean, it IS a movie based on a musical so there’s well, lots of music.
(That was corny. Sorry.)
And the lead dude is hot. Which is a plus.
But if you’re an 80′s hair band lover…you’ll feel 17 again.
I wanted to clap and cry when it was over!
(And maybe I did or didn’t throw my bra at the screen.)
OH!! Almost forgot to tell you!
I am thrilled, flattered, ecstatic, out-of-my-mind excited about this fabulous opportunity I heard knocking!!
Please take a look over at Lux Magazine and see if anything looks familiar.
(I KNOW, RIGHT?!?)
That posting? It’s me. Yep. Scroll to the bottom and see for yourself!
Please leave me some comments and show some love…then browse around the magazine and love it as much as I do!
(I apologize in advance for any obnoxiously excited behavior that might spring forth unexpectedly in the near future.)
(And I promise to get back on my meds so I’m a tad bit more tolerable.)
(For your sake.)
TWINKIES AND MOONPIES FOR EVERYBODY!!