I felt old. I felt young. I saw Tom Cruise’s nipples. All in the same 2 hours.

June 21, 2012 in Hit or Miss...kinda like my dating life.,Me and My Public Self

“Oh, my GOD!  You will go to the movies alone??”  Totally by yourself??”

More than once I’ve heard that crap when I say I don’t mind going to the movies alone.

That reaction comes with the same disbelief as if I just said I’ve got a rash with burn.

(Or a date.)

But anyway.  Yes.  I don’t have a problem with going to the movies alone.

(Nobody yammering in my ear, nobody crunching a chip bag, nobody sticking that popcorn trough under my nose with, “Here.  You want some?” in that hideously loud whisper that every other fool within 4 rows can hear.)

(Nobody with a jackass laugh that makes me want to stick a fork in my temple.)

Mid-afternoon last Saturday, I decided on the 3:45 showing of Rock of Ages.

(Fully expecting to be repulsed by Tom Cruise’s nipples.  And leather-clad butt cheeks.  Because I heard all 4 of those things are on display.)

There’s a theater here in Austin that isn’t your typical theater.

(And by ‘isn’t your typical theater’, I mean ‘you can do beer there.’)

It has a full menu and loooong list of beverages.  Beverages of the adult persuasion, that is.

While waiting on the movie to start, this supremely cool theater is showing old rock videos.

(And by ‘old’ I mean from 1987.)

(I know.)

I order my potato skins.

(Don’t judge.  I ain’t walking my balls off and sweating like two hamsters doing it in a wool sock just to eat lettuce.)

And ranch dressing to dip them in.

And here comes this big ol’family of five to sit beside me.  With one empty chair between us.  Because my purse is in it.  Kinda looks like I’m saving that chair.  As if I’m waiting on my date to arrive.

(Which I’m totally not.  He talked way too much about his ex-wife and brought up sex on the second date.  I mean, really?  How fucking lucky did he think he’d get?  Mentioning the ex-wife more than 4 times within 6 total hours of being around him THEN casually asking if I enjoy sex?  I don’t know about you…but a discussion on what great friends a man is with his ex-wife has never been an aphrodisiac for me.)

Anyway.

This family had 3 boys that looked to be about, well…younger than Bieber.  And when I first saw them slithering down the aisle to take a seat, in a very judgementally way I thought, “No way these kids know this music.”

I love being right.

More than those potato skins…I love being right.

Remember they’re showing old rock videos?  Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Poison, Quiet Riot, Bon Jovi…the stuff with hair higher than mine.

I look to the screen and what do I see?  David Lee Roth.  Oh, yes I do.  The man I swore to marry when I was a high school senior.

Back in 1987.

(Any man with hair THAT good and pants with the butt cheeks out…was husband material for me at that time.)

(Priorities, my friends.  Priorities.)

Van Halen ruled my heart back then.

The kid seated closest to me wearing the chewed-up looking rubber sandals and jeans just a little too short because they looked like kinda-too-long-and-too-baggy jorts, leaned over and whispered so that every other fool within 4 rows could hear, “MA’AM.  Excuse me…MA’AM.”

(That little mofo.  Ma’am?  Really?)

(I mean, it was kinda dark.  Shouldn’t the dimming of the lights and the reflection of the black and white video soften my appearance down to at least the “hey hot stuff” level?)

Well, here’s my Facebook posting after later that day.  I think it can explain better than I can here:

Mofo called me MA’AM.

 

Yep.

(Read this next line really, reeeeally slooooow.)

(And with a twang.)

He asked me who that was up there on the screen.

(See?)

I mean, I really think the rating on this movie shouldn’t have been PG-13 or whatever it was.

The rating should have been:

IF YOU KNOW THE HAIR BANDS IN THE VIDEOS BEFORE THE SHOWING YOU CAN STAY.

Van-friggin-Halen.  Never heard of’em.

(Kids these days.  WTF are we raising, I ask you?  What is our future to be??)

I went back to my potato skins after that little exchange of words.

Thank God for potato skins.  With ranch dressing.

(That I dripped on my damn shirt.)

(So not cool.)

Anyway, the movie was really, really good in a Grease-is-the-word kind of way.  I mean, it IS a movie based on a musical so there’s well, lots of music.

(That was corny.  Sorry.)

And the lead dude is hot.  Which is a plus.

But if you’re an 80’s hair band lover…you’ll feel 17 again.

I wanted to clap and cry when it was over!

(And maybe I did or didn’t throw my bra at the screen.)

***************************************************************************

OH!!  Almost forgot to tell you!

I am thrilled, flattered, ecstatic, out-of-my-mind excited about this fabulous opportunity I heard knocking!!

Please take a look over at Lux Magazine and see if anything looks familiar.

(I KNOW, RIGHT?!?)

That posting?  It’s me.  Yep.  Scroll to the bottom and see for yourself!

Please leave me some comments and show some love…then browse around the magazine and love it as much as I do!

(I apologize in advance for any obnoxiously excited behavior that might spring forth unexpectedly in the near future.)

(And I promise to get back on my meds so I’m a tad bit more tolerable.)

(For your sake.)

TWINKIES AND MOONPIES FOR EVERYBODY!!

Jennifer June 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I’m casting a vote for your rating system.
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Carrie June 21, 2012 at 7:03 pm

And for that, I thank you.

And so does every other Van Halen loving 1987’er in this world.
Carrie recently posted..I felt old. I felt young. I saw Tom Cruise’s nipples. All in the same 2 hours.My Profile

Connie Weiss June 22, 2012 at 9:36 am

I really want to take my husband to see this movie because he is STUCK in the 80’s.

And the benefit of having parents of advance age….is the my children LOVE 80’s music. LOVE.
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Carrie June 22, 2012 at 10:23 am

Go. Now. Immediately and get your ticket.

And be prepared to see Cruise’s butt cheeks. But they’re really not bad at all.

It is great. I found myself stifling “HELL YEAH” when they’d start up with all that good music! iKeith will LOVE it!

Chrystal June 22, 2012 at 10:12 am

God I love you Carrie! I want to see that movie too, but can’t talk hubby into it. I guess it will have to wait until it gets to Redbox.

Love your blog and your craziness!

(((smooches)))

Carrie June 22, 2012 at 10:25 am

If he won’t go…GO ANYWAY. I’m telling you, it is fabulous! In a musically kind of way.

I’m a tad on the corny side though (this, you already know) so I totally got into it.

Love you back. And more. Lots more.

=)

Barbara June 22, 2012 at 11:54 am

I need to go see that movie! It will cheer me up after the Thunder’s loss last night.

P.S. Did you see Cliff Barnes this week?!?! I…died! Now, if they can bring back Pam, my life will be complete. lol
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Carrie June 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Girl. I know. And I am lame to say…I fell asleep before the game was over.

What a jackass fan I am, huh?

I so wanted it for Durant.

I DID see Cliff! When he spun around and looked at JR, I yelped! I just can’t see how they can’t somehow get Pam to make an appearance sooner or later. Once these ratings sky-rocket (like they are) I’m sure if they throw enough bucks at her…she’ll do it.

L.Hewitt June 22, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Congratulations! Going back to read more. You are not going to believe this but I was watching the same movie at the same time two states over. No kids to bother us. (babysitter people, tickets aint cheap and I get pissed and will tell you to make your children be quite) Us is me and the hubs – He thinks he is Bret Michaels sometimes and rocks the bandana. On “bandana days” I just pretend I am doing charity work for some prison release program or something. I want to go back and sing every song (loud this time). I am typing this in twang. Now when are you going to see Magic Mike????

Carrie June 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

“I just pretend I am doing charity work for some prison release program…”

OH MY GOD! That is the funniest thing ever in my life I’ve heard!!!

Sister, Magic Mike is on the agenda FO SHO.

I’m hoping to get a bunch of girls together for a Saturday afternoon showing with wine and giggles and pointing!

You should totally be 2 states closer this way….you could join us!!!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell June 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I believe you that it was good, and I’d probably like it too because I lived the 80’s, but I wasn’t a hair band fan, so I don’t know…
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Carrie June 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Hair band fan or not…you’ll enjoy it even if just for the story.

And the acting. Russel Brand is hysterical! And I’m no Alec Baldwin lover, but even HE had me cracking up!

Jennifer June 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Sad that these kids today are growing up without Van Halen. I’m making sure to educate my kids on 80s music. In fact, my daughter has the B-52s and the Go-Go’s on her ipod…ha! :)
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Carrie June 22, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Ooohhh…you are starting that sweet girl off right!

Love Shack?? Fabulous!

We Got the Beat? Hellz yeah!

You totally deserve Mother of the Year for that. =)

Jef June 25, 2012 at 12:18 am

We must be psychically connected because I just finished writing a blog post with the word “butt cheeks” in it, too.

I also had a “Born in 1989” encounter this weekend. I asked for ID while ringing up a credit card purchase at the bookstore, I saw that this guy was born in my junior year of college and I almost cried out, “My god, I could have spawned you!”

When it comes to Van Halen, I’m Team David Lee Roth–even though I despise “California Girls/Just a Gigolo.”

Rock on, Red!

Carrie June 25, 2012 at 7:49 am

“We go together like….nipples and butt cheeks!”

Wasn’t there a song that went something like that?!?

I have to agree…we do kinda think too much alike and I’m not sure if that’s good for you or not. =)

Same here. DLR all the way. Hagar is great on his own…but it’s gotta be DLR in the group for me.

Becca June 25, 2012 at 12:28 am

I’m excited at how much you liked this movie because I am seeing it on Tuesday! :)
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Carrie June 25, 2012 at 7:50 am

I really, really enjoyed it. And would probably see it again.

And that’s something I just don’t seem to do much is pay twice to see the same movie. But this one, I probably would!

Angelika June 25, 2012 at 11:34 am

Wait -he asked YOU who Van Halen was and not his own parents? Do these parents teach their kids NOTHING.

I’ve never understood why people think it’s “weird” to go to the movies by yourself. They obviously don’t pay attention to the disclaimers before the movie, to “Not talk and not Text.” They should add “And chew with your mouth shut and don’t mouth breathe” to the list as well.
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Carrie June 25, 2012 at 11:48 am

Yes, yes….YES!! The theater here says if they have to tell you twice to shut up, they’ll take your ass out. And they use those words on the screen! I love it.

I still am in disbelief. Who is Van Halen? I mean, who is raising these heathens??

=)

Maren June 27, 2012 at 3:46 am

Hahaha! Well I was born in 1985 and I still know who those bands are…. so I guess I was raised right! 😉

I’ve missed you! Feels good to finally be back in the blogosphere!
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Karyn June 28, 2012 at 7:52 am

You and I might really be separated twins. I love going to the movies alone, love. People don’t understand it. But I have to tell you that I didn’t want to see this movie (not a Tom Cruise Fan, definitely not a fan of a singing Tom – I don’t think??) but after seeing this posting I’m totally going to see it – I loved the 80s and if I can go back there (alone) for a few hours in a theater, well, I’m in!

Congrats on the Lux mag gig, I liked them for you from your FB post! You go girl!
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carol June 28, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I found my way to you via Kristy @ livinglife(un)simply.

I personally think TC is a douche and as much as I love 80’s music, I will wait for the movie to come out on dvd.

I decide if I am following a blog in the first couple of posts. You either “have me at hello” or I move on. Yes, that is a Jerry McGuire quote, I said TC was a douche, doesn’t mean I don’t watch his movies :)

I am going to go follow you on FB, now ok?

Stay sassy!!!

Carrie June 29, 2012 at 7:53 am

YAY!! I love, love, love Kristy! That is a fun girl!

And yes. TC is a douche. And douche is one of my favorite words to use. Which is odd, I know.

I’m overjoyed you’re here, Carol. But be glad at the moment you’re there because otherwise, I’d hug you.

=)

Krystyn July 1, 2012 at 11:28 am

Seriously..why would those kids go to that movie anyways? And, at Alamo Draft House (okay, I’m assuming here), none the less?

I don’t get it at all.
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Carrie July 3, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Yep! The Drafhouse! Love me some Alamo Drafthouse!

Regina July 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I have so missed reading your posts. I wondered about this movie, but am so not a Tom Cruise fan, I haven’t watched it.

Totally wrong for people who dont know who these people are to even be in the theater!

Glad you enjoyed it and got your rock on, with adult beverages!
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Carrie July 3, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Aww, thank you sweet girl! And I’m not a Tom Cruise fan either…but after Def Leppard sinks in and Quiet Riot starts floating around in your head, you don’t even realize it’s him!

And that’s the best part!

melissa July 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Went to see this movie because my 12 year old daughter is in love with Tom Cruise. She is super excited this week because she heard about his impending divorce. nope. not kidding :) and…in defense of the little twits going to see this movie…Gracie (my daughter) is pretty hip to all of the 80’s music. But not because she listens to it…because she is a Guitar Hero fanatic 😉

LOVE your blog Carrie. this post was hilarious. spit wine on the computer screen after reading “I ain’t walking my balls off and sweating like two hamsters doing it in a wool sock just to eat lettuce.” LOL!

xoxo,
~Melissa
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Juliann July 4, 2012 at 8:13 am

Like you, I don’t mind going to the movies alone at all, and I had mixed emotions about this movie. I thought Tom Crusie did a good job. I loved the music. It made me feel like a teenager again, especially since I also lived in Los Angeles during the 80’s.

My son (born in 1989) loves this mucis and knows it even better than I do. But my daughter was clueless and got none of the music or cultural references. That made me feel old. I couldn’t even explain it to her. It’s that much of a generational gap.

sigh…
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Carrie July 4, 2012 at 9:02 am

Tom did do good. I liked how the movie wasn’t made out to be “all about him” too.

Yep. The 80’s music is either something you get or something you don’t. No in-between kind of stuff, huh?

=)

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