I don’t ever really try for funny. More than anything I just do my best to keep it real.
Just keep it real as best I can.
Today? There’s no funny. At least not for me. There really hasn’t been since that midnight showing last week.
I think I’m officially old.
For the first time in my life, I heard myself say outloud, “What the hell is wrong with these kids these days?”
My momma used to say that.
(Daddy just shook his head.)
And when she did…in my mind (and I say ‘in my mind’ because momma didn’t raise a fool) I replied with some immature, asinine, mouthy-teenagery comment of, “It’s you old people that’s what is wrong with us. You’re all driving us over the edge. Get off our backs.”
(Because I knew everything and had all the answers.)
So, if I’m saying now what my momma said when she was “old”…that means I’m a friggin fossil. Because I do believe I was around 13 when I remember momma saying that stuff and so that would have made her around 33.
Jokes on me now, huh?
The most my momma and daddy had to worry about with me while I was growing up was stuff like:
Roughing up the younger sisters. Till they screamed for help.
Skipping school with friends and floating down the creek with no sunscreen then coming home crispy and telling them I’m crispy because we played softball in PE.
Sneaking on too much makeup after leaving for school.
Cheating on my stupid algebra tests that to this day I’ve never needed that stupid crap for.
Coming home 72 sheets to the wind because a friend and I buried a bottle of Jim Beam in the woods across from her house then went out and dug it up one Friday night.
Looking out the back window of our uncool wood-paneled station wagon trying to look smooth as a 12 year old smoking a fake candy cigarette that I was sure the cars passing would think was real. Then eating it.
Pointing at things with my middle finger but swearing I was just using it as a pointer.
Sneaking out of a friends house on a Saturday night and driving 30 minutes down the road to see the midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. And with a toy gun at that.
So, in light of things that have recently happened: Momma and Daddy, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I made you worry. I’m sorry I made you cry. I’m sorry I made you shake your head and wonder where you went wrong. I’m sorry there were times you were sure you had failed.
And, in light of things that have recently happened: Momma and Daddy, I thank you.
I thank you for teaching me how to embrace my struggles and not cause others to suffer instead. I thank you for teaching me the importance of tolerance and accepting the fact that only I can make me a better me. I thank you for teaching me how to love others in spite of themselves.
Also, in light of things that have recently happened: Mr. and Mrs. Holmes, for you I pray.