I might not have kids but I’ll embarrass them anyway. And others as well. But I can take it, too.

August 28, 2012 in Crap I Was Considerate Enough to Not Bother You with Before Now.

Sometimes I embarrass my family.

(OK.  Maybe more than ‘sometimes’…maybe.)

Because I told people on Facebook this was my family:

 

And it’s not.

That right there is good stuff to me.  Really good stuff.

And I probably even embarrass the kids I don’t have.  Because I put this on Facebook yesterday:

And the kids can just cut any attitude they might have because of this.  I’m not putting up with it.  I’m their almost-could-be momma.

Deal with it, kiddos.  Deal with it.

(Though that pic probably ain’t too far from what the truth would be.)

Then there was that time the sister and I took the shortest long-ass road trip ever and I took Beyonce and she placed her order at Sonic:

Yeah, I was kinda hated for that.  Amongst other things.  Like when I was gonna get the cop that pulled us over on that trip to let me get Beyonce’s picture with him but then I got scared to ask because he stuck his head in the window barking about the sister having a suspened license or something like that and now I don’t really remember too much about that part because I was too busy trying to cram Beyonce back into my purse so he wouldn’t confiscate her.

Because she is much like a weapon.

Her beak is ridiculously sharp.

It’s like a shiv.

Actually, I think it IS a shiv.

(I like that word.)

(Shiv.)

 Anyway.

Sometimes the tables are turned and it’s my turn to maybe be a tad embarrassed.

(Not really.)

(I haven’t found that shame yet I keep saying I need to find so I could even be embarrassed.)

(I sometimes kinda procrastinate.)

(No shit.)

Anyway.

Had dinner with a friend last night.  Who I might add…blogs.

Katherine the Great.

Once I was seated in the booth and my vino was ordered, I texted her to let her know I was there and to not rush…show up whenever.

Boy, did she show up.

IN FULL HARLEY DAVIDSON GEAR.

Oh, yes she did.

And yeah.  Texas.  101*.

Now, ok.  Once upon a time I rode my own Harley.  And she just wanted to bring back some old memories of those days for me, I’m sure.

(Yes, I did.  Here’s proof:)

(Yeah.  That’s mens underwear up top.  I don’t know why either.)

But back to Katie.

She doesn’t ride ON a Harley.

She rides IN a Nissan Leaf.

Which was really friggin hysterical to watch this badass biker chick swag her way out to her Leaf in full gear to leave the restaurant.

People kinda stared.

(What did I ever do in my previous life to deserve this?!?)

I laughed so hard…I kinda cried.

Maybe pee’d.

Maybe.  A little.

(And don’t look at the arm flap up there in that underwear pic.)

(When the shit did THAT start growing?)

(It looks like a damn bat wing.)

Holy schmoley.

Barbara August 28, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Love it! Still, I think if you had a baby, she’d be a little miniature Sue Ellen. Sassy and drunk in her younger years and then she’d run for Governor. ;)
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Carrie August 28, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Girl, don’t you KNOW IT!

Kinda like her make believe momma.

Except for the running for governor part. Eh? I’ll pass. Texas really ain’t ready for that just yet.

=)

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell August 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm

That combination is too, too fun! Love it!

Carrie August 28, 2012 at 2:46 pm

She’s a hoot. Driving an electric car in FULL motorcycle garb.

There is nothing, NOTHING, that girl does that surprises me.

NOTHING. =)

Connie Weiss August 28, 2012 at 3:35 pm

That sounds like something I’d do! HA!

Carrie August 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

That right there proves the best people to have in life are those who are…well, not too right.

=)

Jennifer August 28, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I would have probably pee’d myself a little too.

Carrie August 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I swear…double-take just isn’t enough to describe the look I gave when she walked up to the table.

Maggie S. August 28, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I like ‘shank’ better than ‘shiv’. It’s a finer point, but not one missed on sisters who point out ‘bat-wings’.

The fam is still speaking to you after that first one. You are blessed indeed.

Leaf. I may pee, too.
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Carrie August 28, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Now, shank is another good one. I do like that, too.

I’m sounding kinda violent, aren’t I? This is a whole new side of me.

(Not really.)

Yeah. The fam is speaking to me. Again. But if they read this it’ll more than likely remind them of why I’m X’d off the Christmas list.

Jennifer August 28, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I see no bat wing! I have also never heard of a Nissan Leaf. Just the name is hilarious.
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Carrie August 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Oh, there’s a bat wing. Trust me on that one.

That little car is the neatest thing, too. I always tell her to start it…but then she says it IS started. You hear nothing when it’s running.

Nothing like a LOUD Harley with Screaming Eagle pipes that she was attempting to portray she rides. =)

Holly from 300 Pounds Down August 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

This might be my favorite post EVER of yours!! Closely tied with the time you handed money to that guy right outside a hotel and the bystanders thought you were paying him for services hahaha. By the way, I have four kids which you are more than free to embarrass anytime you feel the need!!! I’m pretty sure I do a bang up job of it myself but with the above resume you have going I might have to pay for extra help!
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Carrie August 29, 2012 at 7:18 pm

HAHA!! Well, girl…I am always up for helping a sister out!

I have officially hit the “totally uncool” level with my nieces so I pretty much got this stuff down pat!

=)

katie metzroth August 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I was just illustrating that there are many reasons a person might show up in full Harley gear when they didn’t arrive on a Harley…I wonder if the guy at the doctor’s office was headed to lunch with someone and they had written a blog…nevermind…I couldn’t find any Nissan Leaf chaps.
Ps. Now, what AM I going to wear next time we’re out together?
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Carrie August 31, 2012 at 8:23 am

Now THAT’S a good question!

However, I have no doubt in my mind you’ll be able to either find or NIT some Nissan Leaf chaps.

Not a doubt at all, sister.

=)

L.Hewitt August 30, 2012 at 8:11 am

There is just too much to love about all this. And you on a Harley (nevermind the mens underwear). Well just damn.

Carrie August 31, 2012 at 8:24 am

HAHA! Yeah…just sold it 2 years ago. I sometimes kinda miss it.

mark September 1, 2012 at 12:54 am

Nice. It’s been too long since I got up to those kind of shenanigans.
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Candice September 2, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I learned that “that” stuff started growing on me round about the time I hit 29. I was playing trains with my son and happened to glance down right as I was flinging my arm around and I noticed that it stopped moving 3 seconds after my arm did. I was like, WHA??? Now I try not to brush my teeth in front of the bathroom mirror!

Jef September 4, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I really think you should organize your blog posts by topic and put on a one-woman show.

Really.

But you probably think I’m kidding.

But I’m not.

Maybe you could even pull kids up from the audience to embarrass.

Except you would probably be performing in adult venue where kids are not allowed.

And by adult venue, I don’t mean a place where you can view a donkey show.

Hey, I’m starting to type like you.

I think you’re rubbing off on me …

(Not really.)
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Karyn September 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm

OMG I cant believe you rode a Harley! You’re my new superhero, how awesome is that? As for your friend decked out for her car…hilarious! You should totally run a kids camp, people could send THEIR kids to you for training on behavior and etiquette.

You’ll be rich! (You’re welcome.)

Karyn September 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm

OMG I cant believe you rode a Harley! You’re my new superhero, how awesome is that? As for your friend decked out for her car…hilarious!

You should totally run a kids camp, people could send THEIR kids to you for training on behavior and etiquette. You’ll be rich! (You’re welcome.)
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Jamie September 11, 2012 at 11:10 pm

As usual, this was hysterical!!
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Bella October 22, 2012 at 9:18 am

Hey girl! Awesome pictures. I embarrass my kids too. Just for fun lol.
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Karyn December 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

August 28, really? C’mon, you have to at least pop in and check out all the love you;ve been receiving….where the hell are you girl?
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Karyn April 13, 2013 at 4:58 am

I read somewhere online the other day (Facebook??) that you’d got married! I was pleased because I actually assumed you’d died in a tragic accident and no one had the password to your blog to update us all…. now I realise you’ve been too bust ‘gettin some’ to join us in the blogosphere – which is lucky, its probably the only excuse I’d accept for you not having responded to you copious messages! (You go girl!)
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