I know, I know. Get off my back. It’s been ages.
Somebody punch me in the neck or something. Where have I been? What is wrong with me?!?
I’ve been…well, busy.
Good busy…but busy.
I’m just gonna throw out a random sampling of things that have either been going on, happening, making me gripey or just for lack of better words…keeping me away from you:
(And I have missed you horribly. I have. I don’t lie about stuff like that.)
1. A man cooked for me.
2. I check the medal count for the Olympics online at the work joint no less than 84 times a day. Anytime the US is ahead of China on the count, I feel it is my duty as an American citizen to alert my co-workers in a loud, unexpected squeal of, “We’re back on top!”. They don’t seem to care. However they now seem to hate me.
(Big deal. It ain’t their first time and I can assure you, it won’t be their last.)
(I physically can not wait till the boy’s start up the basketball and it’s televised! This will be the ONLY time I’ll cheer for LeBron James. Write that down.)
C. A man’s sweet little girl gave me the most perfect pair of earrings. Just because.
4. A red wasp (approximately the size of a Fiat) was hovering above me one afternoon while I was totally engrossed in an episode of Judge Judy. I high-jumped the sofa to get into the bathroom for safety and this took approximately .04 seconds.
As I slowly open the door and see it looking for me, I grab the nearest weapon.
As my shoe was in mid-air, I prayed it wouldn’t sail straight through the huge ass window it was headed straight for and plummet to it’s death 2 stories below. It was muddy out. It was my favorite shoe. It was safe.
5. I went to church and glared at a small, helpless infant that wouldn’t shut up 2 rows over. I am evil and must be destroyed.
6. A man kissed me.
7. I picked up breakfast at a nationwide chain place on my way to work one morning and the dude cashier said, “Ma’am…you are very well put together.”
I focused more on the “Ma’am” part but thanked him anyway. It was totally the good bra.
H. I was in a cop car on Friday night. Handcuffs weren’t needed…I went willingly.
9. I kinda got on a small rant at the work joint about all the stupid shit going on with the don’t-eat-there-because-they-said-some-shit-I-don’t-agree-with crap going on. No one is right as far as I’m concerned. And this is as political as I’ll ever get here.
Therefore, here’s the last thing I’ll say about all that:
10. A man has officially become The Man.