And here’s what man shoes left on the floor by the bed in a hotel room will get you with me.

May 20, 2013 in Stuff I Should Think About Regretting Later

So, I was in the hotel room this last weekend with my husband and it was late so I was kinda a little bit asleep because we’d been driving for 5 hours and living on gas station snacks because I’m just like my dad and believe in not stopping until we get there and we were miserably tired and he apparently had to pee so he thought he’d sneak to the bathroom, in the scarily dark room, without turning on lights or waking me up, because either he:

1.  Didn’t want to wake me

2.  Didn’t want to get me talking

3.  Didn’t want to get me talking

Or:

D.  Didn’t want to get me talking

He tripped.

Sweet Holy  Mother of All Men’s Shoes Left On the Floor On His Side of the Bed and Not Put Over By Mine Like I Told Him….he tripped.

OK…maybe it was more like a hugely loud thud of a stumble.  Nevertheless…the wall was slightly slid down partially.

By a grown ass man.  Scantily clad grown ass man.

(In my mind.)  (Remember.  It was scarily dark.)

(And he may or may not have pooted.)

I’m sure your first thought is:  OH, MY GOD!  TELL ME…IS THAT SCANTILY CLAD GROWN ASS SAINT OF A MAN YOU’RE MARRIED TO OK??

Well, I didn’t immediately know.

Not a word was said.  By either of us.  Instantly, there was complete stillness in the room.  For the 14th time in my 44 years of living and pestering others, I was unable to say one word.

Because I couldn’t breathe.  Or see.  Because my eyes were scrunched so tightly closed.  Because my hands were over my eyes.  In the scarily dark room.

And I was doing my best to ask (with the utmost concern and then with even more utmost concern):  OH, MY GOD!  ARE YOU OK??

But all I could do was flop.  On my back.  Under the covers.  In the bed.  With my hands over my eyes and over my mouth and back over my eyes and I couldn’t stop…

SNORT LAUGHING.

LIKE A FRIGGIN’ BULL.  A BULL WITH SMOKE BILLOWING OUT OF HIS SNORT HOLES LIKE YOU SEE ON CARTOONS.

IF YOU WATCH CARTOONS.

WHICH I DON’T.  ANYMORE.  VERY MUCH.  DON’T JUDGE.

(Sorry. Excitement.)

Anyway.

It was obvious I was screaming in my mouth.  I swear I could feel him glaring at me.

In the scarily dark room.

(Hearing is way better than seeing.)  (I can howl for days over something I heard rather than something I saw.)  (Makes no sense to me either.)

(Just move on.)

By the time I heard the flush I was able to somewhat compose myself.  Somewhat.

(He knows how I am.)  (He fully expected my reaction.)

I laid there.  He palmed his way back down the wall on his side of the bed.  Got under the covers.

And very quietly said:  Go ahead.  It’s killing you, I know.  Laugh your ass off.

Which is, precisely, juuuust what I did.

For the next 20 minutes.  Because it was in my mind.

Annnnd again at breakfast over two eggs sunnyside up with two slices of bacon and wheat toast.  Because it was in my mind.

Annnnd again several times on that 5 hour drive back home while living on gas station snacks because I’m just like my dad and believe in not stopping until we get there.  Because it was in my mind.

Thank God that scantily clad grown ass saint of a man loves me.  Because right now, right this very minute, he’s sitting in his recliner and I’m starting to snort laugh.

And he knows why without even asking.

Because it is STILL in my mind.

So, the next time we’re in a hotel room after we’ve been driving for 5 hours and living on gas station snacks because I’m just like my dad and believe in not stopping until we get there and we’re miserably tired and you apparently have to pee…make sure you don’t leave your shoes on the floor by your side of the bed instead of putting them over by mine.

Like I told you.

kk May 20, 2013 at 9:27 pm

My stomach is hurting from laughing…God love him!! He (hubby) (not God) must be a saint! And he GAVE YOU PERMISSION to laugh…for hours or days or whatever! Sooooo funny!

Carrie May 20, 2013 at 9:37 pm

I’m telling you…he’s the best sport! Doesn’t even get knotted up when I call him “my material” instead of “my husband”…

DOD May 20, 2013 at 9:46 pm

… hmmm … of the many things I can’t seem remember anymore … “not stopping” is one of ’em … what I do remember about our early road trips is … “paint the road” …

Carrie May 21, 2013 at 9:50 am

Yeah. Charades in the car with the fam.

And the smart sister is gonna go acting like she’s painting the road and wants us to guess.

What a dork.

hollie May 20, 2013 at 9:49 pm

That is so frigg’n hysterical! I love it!…and now it’s in MY mind! Love, Love, Love! :)

Carrie May 21, 2013 at 9:49 am

HAHA!! Love, love, love right back.

I’m telling you…the visuals are soooo much better than real life!

Peggy Scarborough May 20, 2013 at 10:47 pm

I just woke your daddy up with my hysterical laughing and shaking of the covers.
He grunted, turned over and said, “You just read Carrie’s blog, didn’t you?”
While tearing up I let out a laughing snort!
Welcome to your father’s-in-law world Keith!

Carrie May 21, 2013 at 9:49 am

It’s your fault. This is all your fault why I’m like this.

And you love it.

katie metzroth May 22, 2013 at 10:58 am

I love it! :-)
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Adelyn May 21, 2013 at 5:12 am

I spent most of my childhood in trouble/grounded/yelled at because I was “enjoying the misfortunes of others”. Quotes because that is what my parents called it. BUT I wasn’t enjoying that they were hurt (if they were, which most of the time they weren’t…so how is that misfortune I would ask all the time…) it was the situation that was funny. Always funny. Always. Even when I didn’t want it to be. Even when it was my Grandmother. Even when I broke my own leg riding a bicycle in 3rd grade. Always funny.

So fast forward to now…at 43 I still do it. My husband is not as understanding as yours…but he manages to lovingly put up with me! Lucky girls…you and me!
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Carrie May 21, 2013 at 9:48 am

Well, thank the stars in the heavens I’m not the only one.

My mom tripped over a curb stop when I was probably 16ish and I took off running. Left her with a bloody knee on the ground and I ran like a pack of rabid dogs was after me.

Screaming laughing the entire time.

Peggy Scarborough May 21, 2013 at 9:59 am

…and I’ve not forgotten it, either! Still have the scar on my right knee to prove it; it’s the only thing on my leg that ‘won’t tan’…It looks like a ‘heart’…so much for spreading the love….ha!

Barbara May 21, 2013 at 7:35 am

…and I just snort laughed here. Thank you for making me belly laugh. I needed it.
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Carrie May 21, 2013 at 9:46 am

Everytime I think about it, I still laugh.

He’s eventually going to pay me back, I’m sure.

Melissa Kirby May 21, 2013 at 11:33 am

Goodness Carrie; You always know how to keep us in stitches. I love you for it!

Carrie May 21, 2013 at 12:32 pm

HA!! This time, it was allll Keith. He knew it when he did it I was gonna write about it.

As a matter of fact, on the ride home he said (when I was again laughing), “This is blog stuff, huh?”

I couldn’t even answer. =)

(Love you more.)

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell May 21, 2013 at 1:13 pm

That’s definitely the kind of thing that requires follow-up bursts of laughter for pretty much the rest of time.
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Carrie May 21, 2013 at 2:57 pm

Amen, sister…you said it!

Jef May 21, 2013 at 1:43 pm

You know, you might want to lay off the Corn Nuts on your next road trip.

OMG!

I just snort-laughed!

Carrie May 21, 2013 at 2:57 pm

CORN NUTS!

Ahhh, hahahahah!!!

Jennifer May 21, 2013 at 4:25 pm

Love this. Love you. Love your entire family for being so awesome. I really need to come back to Austin and see y’all soon!
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Carrie May 22, 2013 at 7:34 am

Yes, yes, yes. You really need to make a visit this way!

Lisa Hewitt May 21, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Does he know how many people are also snort laughing? ( and I will remember this tomorrow, in a public place, and laugh some more. I’m having a hard time stopping now, matter of fact. And I could not help but notice you have excellent bladder control (5 hours). Bless his heart (really, he’s gonna need it)

Carrie May 22, 2013 at 7:35 am

I told him at the table last night he was the best material I could ever hope for.

He just laughed and said he kinda thought that.

And my bladder is the size of a car. I can go for hours. He can’t though. Hence, the gas station snacks. =)

Fashionista Era (@Fashionistaera) May 22, 2013 at 9:59 am

Hey girl!! hahaha totally loved the post haha…i know what umean though, its better to be prepared and esp on the road haha..!!!
fashionistaera.blogspot.com

Carrie May 22, 2013 at 10:11 am

You got that right! Preparation is everything. Especially with a man!

And me. Who is most of the time much worse travelling than any man, kid, or dog.

katie metzroth May 22, 2013 at 10:55 am

I’m interested that you laughed. My general reaction to being woken by a LOUD noise in a pitch black room is to assume I’m being murdered. The Husband quietly woke me up at 1am to tell me it was snowing one night and I VERY NEARLY had a heart attack! I’m not high strung at all. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
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Carrie May 22, 2013 at 11:18 am

Well. Dude is a cop so I knew I wasn’t dying. And I was only kinda-ish asleep. More like delirious.

Doped up on gas station snacks such as Buccees’ Nuggets.

That my darling husband referred to as Buccees’ Balls. Which threw me into a catastrophic fit of screaming laughter. Because he was serious. And I kept picturing him going into Buccees’ and requesting a bag of Buccees’ Balls.

And now the laughter starts allll over again.

Meghan May 22, 2013 at 1:49 pm

I have to say that a scenario quite similar to this has happened to my DH….only when he fell it was with one of my kids in his arms…..and after ascertaining all was well, I couldn’t help but laugh either…..and tell him “Like I Told You”. I guess it is a universal truth.

Carrie May 22, 2013 at 3:03 pm

Well, it’s a sad truth that I get as giggly and as stupid as I get. Days later. It’s like wine that gets better the older it gets. Same with watching someone trip.

As long as they aren’t seriously hurt.

(AND YAY FOR ME! I am thrilled you clicked over here!!! THA-RILLED!)

Jessica May 22, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Your story telling is phenom. Really. And what I need is a moment where I laugh uncontrollably like you’ve described. I cannot, for the life of me, remember the last time I did so. My life is too serious.
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Carrie May 25, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Since the day I said, “I do” we do that daily.

He is my best friend. I never knew how fun this being married stuff could be!!

Carrie's Experimental Kitchen May 23, 2013 at 8:53 pm

First, they never learn and the shoes, clothes, computer bag, etc will ALWAYS find its way in a walking path and after 18 years of marriage I still find myself giggling and thinking I told you so every time. And about the driving, I totally get it. When we drive from NJ to FL at least once a year, we have been “trained” to only stop once per state so you better fill up, pee and get snacks/food to sustain you until the next state! Lol

Carrie May 25, 2013 at 5:42 pm

YES! Only one stop on a long road trip is necessary! Are you sure we’re not related??

Gene May 24, 2013 at 7:55 pm

You are lucky that Kieth wasn’t wearing one of those “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up” pendants. You could have had 4 of his fellow cops and 6 EMS people banging down the hotel room door. That would have been a LOL situation in that scarily dark room.

Carrie May 25, 2013 at 5:41 pm

OMG! THAT WOULD HAVE MADE IT EVEN FUNNIER!!

Life Alert. He is totally getting one when the time is right! Brilliant idea, Mr. Gene…he will so thank you for this!!

Amanda May 24, 2013 at 11:03 pm

I ALWAYS laugh when people fall. I can’t help it. It’s just my natural reaction. And I snort laugh too.

I’m glad you’re back to blogging. 😉
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jennie May 24, 2013 at 11:36 pm

Snort! I love it! I would have pooted too!
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Carrie May 25, 2013 at 5:39 pm

It was pretty priceless…=) Especially that part!

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