Because that girl of mine is 15, I gotta be all motherly and act like I know what I’m doing. Damn it.

June 9, 2013 in The Very Few Times I'll Admit to Having a Soul

That girl of mine wants so bad to grow up.

When it’s convenient.

And when it’s not painful.

And as long as it happens after she wakes up at noon.

(And when it doesn’t cost her money.)

Otherwise, being a punk kid with ass breath until noon is perfectly fine.

Her daddy has done a fine job of raising her.  There’s no momma.

(Hasn’t been since she was 14 months old.)  (Long story…she just left.)  (Never looked back.)

That girl of mine is 15.

She can shoot a gun.  She can swing a golf club.  She can cook a mean meal.  She can spike a volleyball.  She can hit a homerun.  She can ponytail it .07 seconds flat.

She can live in her room that I swear smells like dirty scalp and not bat an eye.

(Gag.)

But there’s another side to being 15 that daddy has no clue about.

“How do you walk in those heels?  My God they’re huge!”

“Why do you wear lipstick and why that color?”

“It cost HOW MUCH to get your nails done?  I’m never doing that!”

“Why are guys such jerks?”

“When did you get to date?”

“Are my boobs supposed to stick up like this in this bra??  They look too big now!  Make them go down!”

I give the best advice I can.  And I usually shoot from the hip and Lord knows….I keep it real.  Her daddy ain’t too keen of my so-called advice, but so far it works.

“Keep your clothes on and don’t smoke dope.”

“If he gets frisky, punch him in the nuts.”

“There are just things girls have to do that guys don’t.  It’s just the way it goes.  Trust me…there ain’t a man alive that could afford to be a woman.”

“Don’t be putting stupid ass pictures on Facebook.  They will show up 15 minutes earlier than you at any job interview.”

Every day of my life, Keith thanks me for taking on this task of instant motherhood.  And he’s genuine.  And he’s sincere.

(Cause he doesn’t want to discuss Kotex and boobs.  I’m no fool.)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  I AM FREAKING LOVING IT!

Don’t give me an infant with a green diaper and spit-up…give me that teenager I can yank around by the ponytail and get nose to nose with while showing her how to balance and walk in heels without looking like a bobble-head penguin.

Still though.  She whines about some of the stuff she wants to do but doesn’t want to admit she wants to do it because then that might make her kinda grown-uppish and heaven forbid she actually admit to wanting to be grown-uppish.

I felt it was time to do something with that brushy growth over her eyes.  So, I wanted her to get them threaded after her haircut this last Saturday.

Not waxed….threaded.

She wasn’t too hot on the idea because:

1.  She’d never heard of threading (Big, hairy deal.)

2.  She flounced around like she was dying and on her last breath the one time she tweezed one little bitty stray hair  (Big baby.)

3.  It was my idea  (I have to look at those things.)

4.  It was my idea

5.  It was my idea

Needless to say…those hairy little bad boys were threaded.  Oh, yes they were.

She did good.  Better than I expected anyway.  No kicking or screaming for Jesus.  I was so proud.

So after that….I took her to get her pedicure because I was over looking at those 10 little chipped up purple toenails from 3-1/2 weeks ago.

(Plus, we have a big fat vacation coming up and chippy purple ain’t gonna work for me.)

And I picked out a really pretty red that almost looked like hot pink and well, I loved it.  Feminine and bright and shiny and perfect for our big summer trip coming up.

(I had a gut feeling she was going to go in just the opposite direction.)

(Just because that girl of mine is 15.)

Me:  “Oh, look at this one.  I love it!!  You like it?”

Cayla:  “Uh….”

Cayla:  “What about this one?”

Feet

Of course she did.

Because that girl of mine is 15.

Later that night, I was just getting into bed and was totally pooped from being on the road all day and fighting feet and hairy eyebrows and haircuts and traffic.  She walked in, plopped a big ol’mug of ice cold milk on the nightstand and 3 warm, freshly baked, made from scratch, chocolate chip cookies were laid right next to it on a napkin.

Cayla:  “Here.  This is for you.  Thank you for today.  I had fun.  I love you.”

Me:  Totally speechless.  A little teary-eyed…but speechless.

(Which her father was immensely excited about.)

Because that girl of mine is 15.

Damn it.

Melinda Stanton June 9, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Carrie I stalk your blog all the time… Love it and I’m so glad for ALL of you that your little family found each other!

Carrie June 9, 2013 at 8:37 pm

Knowing you stalk this is music to my ears. Seriously. I love that. It’s big stuff to me.

I’m blessed. Way more than I ever thought was possible.

Ever.

Amanda June 9, 2013 at 8:47 pm

Omg, Carrie! You almost got me a little teary eyed! She sounds perfect!
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Carrie June 10, 2013 at 7:23 am

We do have fun together…and as soon as I think she’s a typical ungrateful teenager, she throws me for a loop!

Jessica June 9, 2013 at 9:18 pm

35 and no idea about threading. I mean, at least I know it exists, but I don’t really know how it works. 🙂 And that green is fun…I wouldn’t choose it per se…because of that 35 thing, but I like it. You are a rock star mom. I just know it. Slightly jealous I can’t either be your kid or be a mom like you. Too high strung and a lot less cool.
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Carrie June 10, 2013 at 7:25 am

Threading is the bomb. Except for when I get my whole face done and look like a 12 year old pimply face boy for a day. After that, it’s fantastic.

I can’t do the green either. Something about my toes…they’re just not that cool and fun. Some women my age can pull it off. I just look like a 44 year old doof.

Hollie June 9, 2013 at 10:30 pm

LOVE!! — As usual — You are blessed…and a blessing! And you deserve it!! 🙂

Carrie June 10, 2013 at 7:27 am

Aww…thank you, Hollie! I love when you comment…you’re such joy.

I have it good. I’m not sure if it’s luck or what. But I’m taking it and not looking back. =)

Barbara June 10, 2013 at 6:19 am

Such a wonderful story. Are you going to teach her how to drive? Thanks for paving the way on those teenage years for me.

Have a fantastic vacation!
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Carrie June 10, 2013 at 7:28 am

Her daddy is doing the driving thing. He’s a cop so he knows the rules. Me? I see nothing wrong with blowing through yellow lights.

I just belly-flopped into this stuff. I shoot from the hip and hope something sticks. But we have fun and that’s what really matters.

Lisa Hewitt June 10, 2013 at 6:36 am

Dammit Carrie – I’m all weepy and laughing at 6:30 in the a.m. You’re a great momma and she is a great daughter and why didn’t you go with the green too? This is just the best love story in the entire universal world. Thank you.

Carrie June 10, 2013 at 7:30 am

I love Lisa Hewitt. I do, I do, I do.

Thank you for that. I’m going to need to remember those kind words today because we’re finishing up our vacation shopping. And I am trying to solve the mystery as to why it takes a 15 year old girl over 20 minutes to try on ONE PAIR OF SHORTS.

Not kidding at all.

I’m going to have to print out your words and stick them in my purse.

Jennifer June 10, 2013 at 10:57 am

I am so happy for you (and your family)! I think it is wonderful you are so excited about becoming the mother of a teenager. Honestly,the thought of being the mother of my daughter as a teenager scares the shit out of me.

Also- I have heard of threading but never seen it done. You see, I practically have no eyebrows. Seriously. It is sad. Once every 6 months or so I have to pluck one stray hair and that is it. Which I know some say I am lucky, but that just means that I am going tone that little old lady that has to draw her eyebrows in because they are gone. And also, it made me bitter when I used to have pedicures in the States and they always asked if I wanted an eyebrow wax. I wanted to just tell them yes to see WHAT they would wax, but I was afraid I would end up completely hairless. And now we are back to little old lady drawing in her eyebrows…..
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Carrie June 10, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Jennifer…all I gotta say is I CAN NOT WAIT TO HEAR YOUR STORIES OF YOU AND ZOE WHEN SHE’S A TEENAGER!!

I’m serious. I can’t wait. Those stories will be prime time sitcom making stuff.

How wrong is it to be so excited to see your little redhead grow up???

katie metzroth June 10, 2013 at 2:55 pm

Lordy, I wish someone had told me to do something about my eyebrows when I was 15. I’m quite sure my eyebrows were the reason I could not get a date.
(note: I’ve now decided that my mother made me leave them natural on purpose to keep me out of trouble)

I love the Breakfast at Tiffany’s toes! You’re priceless and she has excellent taste in colors!
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Carrie June 10, 2013 at 5:54 pm

I wish I was cool enough to do the green toenails…or purple toenails…or blue toenails, but I just can’t do it.

You’re pretty priceless to me. =)

Adelyn June 10, 2013 at 10:37 pm

Ok. So I started a comment…and then got so teary that I couldn’t finish. And then forgot to finish….

So now I am starting over.

This is so awesome…and the experience I wish for all mom and daughters. My daughter is 7 and I let her pick the color of nail polish that we will use. She thinks it is awesome to have the same toes as mom and I figure that might last only for awhile…so I am all in. I also try to be aloof about it some so that she doesn’t start to think it is not cool. I will be tickled pink if at 15 she still crawls up into my lap and snuggles. 😉
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Jennifer June 11, 2013 at 3:43 pm

She is so lucky to have you. And you are so lucky to have her. Forget about him. The two of you needed each other. 😉
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Carrie June 11, 2013 at 5:53 pm

We do have fun. She’s old enough to not get in my feet but young enough to make me feel a little needed.

It works. =)

wendy June 18, 2013 at 10:08 am

this is what grace is, I think, when the right thing happens to us at the right time. i’m going to come right out and admit this, too–on your blog, not mine 🙂 –that i think i may be more suited to parenting my children as teens than the babies they were. i loved my little babies but, lord have mercy, it is certainly a different kind of work. and i can’t help but feel this rush of relief when i see someone carrying their beautiful two-year-old that i’m not the one doing that kind of work anymore, you know?

and I do love me some carrie-and-cayla stories, can I just tell you? keep ’em coming.
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Fashionista Era (@Fashionistaera) June 21, 2013 at 3:24 pm

Hey carrie!!! its been a while ive visited but sorry abt that…the lil one keeps me on my toes, but yes motherhood is a fab experience and im glad ur enjoying it. You are a fine parent im sure and as always i had a great laugh reading your blog post…love it!!
http://www.fashionistaera.blogspot.com
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