I was just one big vacation all rolled up in…well, sweat.

June 24, 2013 in Me and My Public Self

There’s no doubt if you’re on my Facebook…personal page or blog one…you have heard enough of my yammering on my vacation.

(I mean, I figure if “I” have…then you probably have.)

The new fam flew to DC for 3 days, then Amtrak’d it to NYC for 3 days.

(Lots of together time.)

(Lots of together time.)

(Lots of together time.)

I used to fly professionally so I got that flying gig down.  Cayla had never been on a plane.  So, at 15 years old this was a whole new world for her.

“Do I reeeeally need to take my shoes off or are you just wanting me to look stupid in front of all these people?”

(Yes, dear.  I’m standing here barefooted on this swamp ass floor and my main concern is to make you look stupid.)

“Do we go to baggage claim before we go to the gate?”

(Do we go to baggage claim BEFORE WE GO TO THE GATE?)  (Scrunch your forehead up, say it again jutting your head forward and voila’…you’re me.)

“Did that security dude touch your boob?”

(Don’t judge me, child.  And get out of the way, I’m circling back through.)

It was one of those vacations where you never stopped, but then feel like you missed out on doing so much.

Let me break that down for you on our DC portion of the trip.

We walked.

On our very first night in DC, we took off headed to the sites.

(By foot.)  (OK…feet.)  (Well pedicured and pretty feet, mind you.)

At one point, (and by “at one point” I mean 6 hours and 93 miles later) we were walking through that big, gigantic mall thing with the reflecting pool and the monuments and the muggers.

(I say muggers because it was dark and I saw shady characters walking.  Really fast.  Or maybe jogging.  Possibly exercising.)

(I don’t know.)

Cayla Lincoln

My feet had to be bloody stumps at this point but I was sweating so much I was afraid to look down for fear of my face falling off.

But Keith was walking like his ass was on fire.  He wouldn’t slow down and was trying to take in as much as he could before I demanded to head back to the hotel.

I prayed.

I prayed that I would soon be mugged because then I could lay down and rest.  I found myself lurching in front of anyone who looked remotely criminal-ish.  Or human.  And even some who didn’t.

I didn’t care if my purse was taken.  Hell, I could have had my kidney in it and I would have gladly given it up just to lay down, get that damn pebble out of my shoe and stop moving for 7 minutes.

Day #2 in DC was about the same.  Walking and sweating.

(And I ate a hot dog on the street.)

(Let’s keep that right here between us.)

(Best damn hot dog ever.)

Here they are in front of some monument.

(I am so monument-ed out by this point, we could be standing in front of a giant moon pie factory and I wouldn’t know.)

(Or care.)

Cayla Keith

Here’s Keith at the National Law Enforcement Memorial.  He worked with a deputy who was killed in the line of duty.  We found his name on the wall.

(I ‘thought’ I had an uncle from way back in the day who was killed in the line of duty, so I called mom to get his name so I could look for it.)

(Needless to say, he was crooked.  Of course he was.  I’m from a line of criminals.  Thanks, mom.)

Keith Law Enf Memorial

On a serious note, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and the Marine Barracks were the highlights for me. 

Tomb of Unknown Soldier

Next, we Amtrak’d it to NYC.

Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac
All dressed in black, black, black
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons
All down her back, back, back.

Why do I give you those lyrics, you ask?

Because I sat on a train and listened to a grandma and her granddaughter sing the whoooole friggin’ song for three hours.

Right there across the aisle.  From me.

(Three hours.  Uh, huh.  Threeeeee hours, people.)

Moving on.

NYC was fabulous.  We did the typical NYC stuff…Times Square, shopping, eating, people watching, Broadway shows.

And of course, more walking but a little less sweating.


On to some NYC sightseeing.

(It’ll be better with photos than my endless yammering.)

Johnny Depp will sleep better now that he has a photo with me.

Johnny Depp

(Why hello, Redneck.)

(What the hell is up with that?)

Here we’ll find a couple of hot cops.

(One said, “Yo” when we chatted.)  (I swear.)  (Yo.)  (It wasn’t mine.)

Keith NYPD

Now let me tell you.

I can get all over a Papa Murphy’s pizza like white on rice.  I’m talking rolling around and wrapping up in it.

(Not literally.)  (Ok, sometimes.)

But this pizza, was by far the best food to ever pass through my shiney red lipsticked up lips.

I could have easily embarrassed myself with it.

And maybe I did.  Afterall, this IS a vacation.


Again.  Best trip ever.  The fam was fantastic.  We all got along great.

(Except for when I barked out “It’s too early, get back to sleep!”)

(At 9:30 am on morning #2.)

(Well, and except for when I teeth-gritted at Keith, “You’re outta your mind!” after he said we had walked less than a mile when my feet had been moving for over 6 hours and I was drenched in my own sweaty-ass sweat in places sweat should never, ever be found.)

(And, well except for when I said, “Oh my GOD…enough, dude!” after the 76th time Keith said, “Fuhgeddaboutit!” when we were in Little Italy.)  (To people we didn’t know.)  (I ain’t kidding.)

We tried all kinds of food.  We laughed at all kinds of stuff…and each other.

There was hand-holding, winks and lots of smiles.

My husband is the best travel partner ever.  He never once rushed us or got frustrated.  He always asked us what we wanted to do….never demanded or expected anything for himself.

My girl is the best teenager ever.  No attitude.  No back-talk.  No eye rolling.  (OK…maybe a tad.)  Always willing to do more than we asked.  And she always had a smile.

Me?  The best southern, redheaded cab-hailer you’ll find this side of the Mason-Dixon line. 

Let me leave you with this little photo.

This little photo sums me up.  To a tee.

I will walk and I will sweat.  But somebody must pay.

Keith My Feet

Connie Weiss June 24, 2013 at 5:38 pm

Fun! I want to go to DC someday!

We rode the Amtrak from San Fran to Fresno and the girl next to me kept putting perfume on!!!!
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Carrie June 24, 2013 at 8:10 pm

I, personally, am more of a NYC fan, but I gotta tell you…DC is friggin awesome. I would definitely go back but stay at least a week longer.


Amanda June 24, 2013 at 5:52 pm

I’m a little surprised you don’t have that post sweating foot rub in a contract. At least he knew what to do! I followed your vacation on facebook and loved every minute of your vacation and vicariously enjoyed NYC through you. Thank you! I’ve been to NYC 3 times and still haven’t had the opportunity to go makeup shopping there. I think another trip is in order.
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Carrie June 24, 2013 at 8:12 pm

HAHA!! That foot rub was so needed. My feet hated me to the core.

NYC is just a life of it’s own. No place like it. I vote you put it in future vacation plans NOW!

Barbara June 24, 2013 at 6:18 pm

Awww, looks like you had a great time. I can’t wait to see NYC some day. I’ve done D.C. twice but never made it to the Big Apple!
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Carrie June 24, 2013 at 8:12 pm

You know, we could have spent another week in DC and STILL not see everything. We’ve already mentioned trying to do it again.

Regina June 24, 2013 at 7:59 pm

Awesome trip! We have been to DC, ok I was 16 so it was just me. We spent all of 2 hours there I think. I hope you got lots of pictures and sounds like you walked that hot dog off.

That pizza was healthy too. I saw veggies on it. I would have said enough of the fugethabout it crap after the 10th time and then went to grumbling.

And your train experience…wow! There seems to be at least one annoying person on the train and they will always sit by you.
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Carrie June 24, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Girl, you ain’t kidding. Keith was sitting directly across from me and I just glared so hard at him. He knew EXACTLY what was going through my mind.

I figured after the 17th serenade, they’d be done. But hell to the no.

Regina June 24, 2013 at 8:31 pm

I would have asked if they had any duct tape. and then said. No reason. 🙂
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Carrie June 24, 2013 at 8:37 pm

HAHA!!! On my next train ride, I’m packing YOU! That’s brilliant!

Lisa Hewitt June 24, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Your love story just gets better and better. If you can travel together without massive fighting ( and a foot rub) definite keeper. We took a little trip too – just to the coast – stayed a the Hard Rock – yes hubs rocked the do-rag and I wasn’t even embarrassed. I was quite shocked (hard to do) that parents brought children, small children, small, whinny children. My favorite pictures (besides Johnny and your foot rub) are Tomb of Unknown Solider and Daughter and Abe. I am sorry you sweated. And – I Saw A Giant Chicken. – not even lying. (it’s for sale)

Carrie June 24, 2013 at 8:17 pm

Let me tell you…the changing of the guards at the tomb was terribly moving. All I kept saying was, “There’s some proud momma’s out there somewhere.” Those young men were the picture of perfection.

But let’s get to this giant chicken stuff. (I’m telling you, one day there WILL be one perched in my backyard next to the hen house. Keith will crap but that bird will be there.)

Melinda Stanton June 24, 2013 at 9:21 pm

I’m still laughing. I had to read it then read it out loud to my husband… So much fun!
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Carrie June 25, 2013 at 7:51 am

It was fun! So much fun that I forget all we did until I start talking to someone and they’ll ask something like, “Did you see the House or Senate?” and I’m all “YEAH!! Totally forgot that part but we did!”

I seriously needed to get back to work so I could rest.

katie metzroth June 25, 2013 at 2:03 pm

I did not need to see him rub yer feets! Rip back to the Ribbing! Rip back to the Ribbing!

jk – Thanks for sharing all your deets so FAST! looks like ya’ll had a blast! I’m glad your feet were able to last. Maybe one day a monument of you will be cast.
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Carrie June 25, 2013 at 2:39 pm


Girl, the world ain’t ready for that. No way, no how.


Carrie's Experimental Kitchen June 26, 2013 at 1:05 pm

Sounds like a whirlwind of a trip, but I bet you had a ton of fun! They’re both great places to visit. So much to do and see. You have a real gem there if he’s rubbing your feet..I think he’s a keeper. 🙂
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Carrie June 27, 2013 at 12:41 pm

He is a gem. I’m keeping this one. Fo’sho.

And ‘whirlwind’ is the perfect word for it. Non stop and on the go, but still relaxing in a way.

Whirlwind. That’s it. =)

Nancy June 27, 2013 at 6:57 pm

DC is exhausting. Mom and Janet will be there in a few weeks to visit Dad at Arlington. I think they are going to picnic there at his grave everyday.
NYC does have some great little pizzarias! So glad the new family had fun !

Carrie June 27, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Boppa is in a fine place. I must say, Arlington is breathtaking. It was by far one of the most peaceful places I’ve ever been.

And knowing Boppa was there, well…it kinda made me smile. He was a good, good man.

Chantelle June 28, 2013 at 8:13 am

I feel for you on that Miss Mary Mac song. My niece sang that song over and over and over again when she was little. I still hate that song.
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Carrie June 28, 2013 at 9:28 am

Girl, after 10 minutes…I was praying to die.

It felt like an episode of Twilight Zone.

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