Well, his chickens have much more than hair now.

January 23, 2014 in Stuff I Should Think About Regretting Later

This day of my life has involved chickens more than any other day.  I’ve never discussed chickens more than I have today.

(Thank you, Keith.)

I’m sitting in my office area and it’s around lunch.  And the sweet girl around the corner says, out loud, where the world can hear:

Sweet Girl:  “Hey, Carrie.  You have chickens right?”

(Wow.  Not one of my prouder moments.)

Me:  “Uh, that would be a ‘no’.  My husband, Keith, has chickens, but I do not.”

Sweet Girl:  “Well, do you know if they have, like, hair?  I mean I know they have feathers, but I’m talking hair.”

I had to get up and go over to her at this point.  I could not risk my flawlessly professional and mature reputation being completely and devastatingly destroyed by anyone hearing this conversation about my husbands chickens having hair or not.

(Flawlessly professional and mature reputation.  Wanted to make sure you got that part.)

Anyway.

I’m now at her desk and I just blankly look at her.  She flings a big, greasy, cooked chicken wing towards my face.

Sweet Girl:  “Here.  Look at this.  Do you see those little hairs on there?  I know chickens have bumpy skin but I didn’t know they had hair.  That right there is hair, Carrie.  Not feathers, but hair!”

Me:  **crickets**

Sweet Girl:  “Can you just ask your husband?  I mean, I had no idea and now I’m curious!”

Me:  “Yes.  I’ll ask him.  But he’s not gonna know.  All he does is feed them and well, I think that’s it.”

Sweet Girl:  “Here.  I’ll send you a pic to show him.”

Chicken Hair

(Yeah.  Like THAT’S not gross.)

(No way am I keeping this crap to myself.  Oh, no.  If I gotta live it…so do you.  You ain’t getting out of this unless you just stop reading and run.  If I’m in this, you’re going with me.)

After work, I went to my nieces soccer game.

(Go catch up on that bag of fun on Facebook.)

(No, really…you gotta see what she told her mom by text about me showing up.  I was there because my sister is on vacation and somebody had to be there for the game because well every kid deserves to have somebody cheering for them in the stands and since my sister couldn’t be there I said I would go and well, just go read my crap on Facebook and if you don’t already “like” me there on Facebook, you should so just click here and it’ll take you there:  A Sassy Redhead and if it doesn’t which it more than likely won’t because I am not a technology whiz…click that Facebook tab up there on the right hand side of this page.)

(Yeah, there…that button-thing.)

Anyway.

I get home and remember about this chicken hair thing.  So, I asked Keith.

He was off work so proceeded to tell me how he emptied the ice cooler that had all that water left in it from a week ago and how he cleaned out his shed outside and how he emptied the trailer of all the hay and put some hay in the dog’s pen and then he stacked the firewood again because it was starting to fall over and how he also put hay in the chicken coop and cleaned out their messy messiness and now they have fresh hay and crap crap crap.

He seemed very down in the dumps.

Me:  “Is something bothering you?  Did I do something because if I did I wanna know because I didn’t mean to and I don’t want you all dumpy over something I did and didn’t mean to do.  I only want you dumpy over crap I mean to do.”

Keith:  “Yeah.  Sometimes during all that stuff I was doing between the garage and the shed and the dog’s pen and the chicken coop, I…well…I…I’m sorry I just feel so bad and I looked and looked for more than an hour and I’ve never felt so bad in my life and I just don’t know how to tell you.”

(Dude was sounding like me with all these run-on sentences and cheesy excuses.)

Me:  “What?  What happened??  Did you gamble away the money I’m going to travel on when you die?  Did you sell a kidney for cheaper than what market value is?  Did you trip and fall and I missed it??  WHAT?”

Keith:  “I lost my wedding ring.”

**CRICKETS GALORE**

I thought he was going to cry.  God love that man.  He was devastated.  His head was hanging and it was just pitiful.

I thought “I” was going to cry.  Then it hit me how important this was to him.  And how upset he was.  And that made my heart swell with love.  I mean, I KNEW it was important but I have never seen him this visibly upset about something.

Me:  “Well, you know what.  It’s just a ring.  It’s not your heart and it’s not your soul.  It’s simply a symbol that can be replaced.”

Keith:  “I think it happened in the chicken coop.  I looked and looked and looked until I couldn’t look anymore.”

(THOSE DAMN CHICKENS.)

Me:  “Baby, don’t worry.  We’ll just get another one.  It could certainly be worse.  I thought you were going to tell me you were considering trading me in or you spent the money I’m gonna travel on when you die.  This is small potatoes and it’s nothing we can’t fix and get through.”

(Where the HELL is all of my compassion coming from??)

(After the 3rd apology I asked him to politely shut up.  I didn’t want to hear another apology for there was nothing to apologize for.  I was not upset and it wasn’t worth him losing sleep over.)

(However, those chickens are on borrowed time.  THEY better sleep with one beak open.)

As we got ready for bed and I was turning off the laptop, I remembered:

Me:  “Hey.  Do chickens have hair?”

Keith:  “I don’t know…where is this going?”

Me:  “A girl at work wanted to know.  It’s no big deal.  I’ll just tell her I’m not sure if they have hair but they do have a ring.”

(Then I laughed.  I couldn’t resist.)

Keith:  **Crickets**

The lights went out.

Barbara January 23, 2014 at 4:46 pm

Hairy ring eating chickens……yep, sounds about right. 😉 Hope the ring turns up!

Carrie January 23, 2014 at 7:28 pm

It is absolutely NEVER ending around here. Friggin’ never.

Lisa Hewitt January 23, 2014 at 6:11 pm

You just hold up with your chicken embrassment sister! I will have you know my mamma and pappa were chicken farmers (eggs actually, but chickens were involved) lots and lots of chickens. Chickens do not have hair. Chickens have feathers. AND -I probably know where that ring is, but I will be damned if I’m going to tell you Miss Flawlessly Professional Mature Fancy Pants. And – I left you alone on FB so you could cheer your dear niece on and not wet your pants. That won’t happen again. Furthermore – you are banned from eating chicken. I’m calling the National Chicken Assocation on you.

Carrie January 23, 2014 at 7:31 pm

Yeah, I’ll be checking chicken poop for days now.

And if that ring doesn’t surface…I’LL BE HAVING FRESH CHICKEN WINGS FOR DAYS.

I had two missed calls on my phone. That NCA is already after me apparently.

=)

Jessica January 26, 2014 at 9:15 am

When we are just a wee bit older (like rockers on a porch and too old to travel on your old man’s money old), I want to live near you. I want you to tell me stories. That is all.

Carrie January 27, 2014 at 3:02 pm

Jessica…I’m writing this down. Actually carving it in my wall.

YOU are the first person to ever want me to talk. Ever. And I will hunt you down and talk to you all day. Giant compliment to me. Huge.

And my husband will profusely thank you for giving his ears a break.

Love and love. =)

Amber January 27, 2014 at 5:55 pm

Do chickens have hair? Ha, I’m amused.

I hope the ring does turn up though.
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Carrie January 28, 2014 at 10:16 am

I called him yesterday on my way home from work. He gets in earlier than me…he was in the yard still looking.

I kinda still sometimes want to cry because it has upset him that much.

(My first husband would have probably thrown a party if he ever lost his ring. But he was a giant douche king.)

That’s why it hits my heart that this really means something to Keith. I’ve never had so much love in my life.

(Sounds corny, know.)

Alex January 29, 2014 at 7:58 am

Lol. Yes the chicken from my local chicken shops tend to come with a certain amount of hair on them. So sad to hear your husband he lost his wedding ring, but you are totally right when you say it’s just a symbol that can be replaced, poor guy :(
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Carrie January 29, 2014 at 12:47 pm

Well, we’re going this weekend to look for a new one.

He misses wearing it and I miss seeing it.

And I’ll pass the word on that the hair stuff on the chicken is the norm. She’ll be glad to finally get some kind of answser!! =)

Fashionista Era January 30, 2014 at 2:17 pm

awwww sorry to hear about the ring sweets…hope u find it. the hair thing so funny…lol
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Carrie February 4, 2014 at 7:53 am

Girl, you just can’t imagine some of the questions that get thrown around the office…but that one tops them all!

=)

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