I’m going back to my single ways because I’m done and I’m tired and I’m totally over it. And so are my skirts.

February 12, 2014 in Me and My Public Self

This is it.

I’m done.  I’m tired.  I’m totally over it.

And that’s usually the place in life where I gotta get before I realize nobody is gonna take care of crap for me and I’m apparently gonna have to do it myself.

(And you call yourselves friends and family.)


A bed should not be necessary to lay on to zip up jeans.

A skirt should not scream for mercy at the seams of the ass.

Boobs should remain in the bra and not bubble up over and out of the top.

I made an announcement to Keith and Cayla that crap was about to change.  “They” could continue eating the garbage they wanted to eat…but “I” was going back to my single days.

(Of health, that is.)

Days when I had no husband and kid to think about when it came to meals.  I would be eating fruit and vegetables and healthier stuff.

I also told them I was going to start some kind of exercise program.

Monday and Wednesday:  Yoga

Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday morning:  The gym

They were more than welcome to join me, but don’t be asking where I was and when was I coming home and to please stop and pick up something from Sonic.


The better care I take of my health, the longer I will be around to be bossy, fussy and quite delightful.

I think they love me.

I have quietly noticed a change.

Instead of getting a bowl of Bluebell Homemade Vanilla with an illegal dosage of Hershey’s chocolate syrup over running the bowl and going straight to his arteries….Keith has been eating fruit and yogurt and granola and saying, “Oh, my God!  This is friggin awesome!”

I’ve said nothing.  Because you know how it goes.  If I notice…he’ll stop.  Because it was MY idea and well, it’s healthy.  And we don’t do healthy at our house.

And Cayla.  Instead of snacking on those gummy-chewy-sugary-globby-plasticky- tasting snack things…she’s been caught in her room molesting a bowl of strawberries.

And trail mix.

Which is totally unlike her.

They both have admitted to liking this “healthy” crap I’m (apparently) making them do.  They both say they feel better.  Have more energy.  Sleep better.  And so on.

(But, I’m “making” them do it.)


(I can’t “make” her polish her purple chipped up toenails before church, but I can “make” her eat healthy.  Yeah.)

(I can’t “make” him…well, wait.  He does pretty much everything I ask, so…moving on.)

When I’m at yoga, they have a little extra time on their hands to “bond” and well, I think that’s good.  Except when it goes like this:

Me:  Hey, I just got home and my family isn’t here.  Where are y’all?

Him:  Oh.  Yeah.  Uhhhh, we stopped to get a bite to eat.

Me:   OooooKkkkk…what are you eating?

Him:  Not much.  Just a little small plate of stuff.

Me:  What “stuff?”

Him:  Cheese Quesadillas

Me:  **click**

Gotta watch’em like a hawk.  Turn my back for one minute and they’re diving off the damn deep end.

Now?  They’re following me to the gym.

I ain’t there to play.  I toss back a 5-Hour Energy and it’s on.  Get out of my way.

Treadmill…weight machines…the whole ball of sweaty crap.

I hate it.

(But I hate my tight jeans even more.)

There we are.  All 3 of us hovering around the gym doing our thing and sweating enough to fill a giant cesspool.

After about an hour and a half, Cayla comes up to my glistening face and says:

“Homework.  I’ve got homework.  We HAVE to go home!”

Never in my wildest thigh-rubbing dreams did I think I’d hear myself say:

“OK.  Just give me 10 minutes.  I’m not leaving until I do these two leg machines.”

(I immediately looked around to see who said that.)

(Believe it or not…it was me.)

(Yeah, it was.)

For the love of all boob sweat, do not repeat this or I’ll hunt you down, but….I’m kinda liking it.  I’m finding myself looking forward to working out.

Now, I hear myself saying, “I GET to workout today” instead of “I HAVE to workout today.”

(I swear, if you tell a soul I just said that I will have your ass at the gym with me and Keith said I’ve got to be worse than any drill sergeant.)


Even though Keith tells me every day he thinks I’m beautiful (even though we both know at the time there is nothing cute about sweat dripping down my face or mascara smudged under my eyes or legs that shoulda been shaved 4 days ago), I wanna get pretty obnoxiously jealous when I find him oogling and looking at another woman.

Then realize it’s me.

(I don’t know what oogling is either.  It just sounded right at the moment.)

Here.  Want some yogurt and granola?

Bobbi February 12, 2014 at 11:15 am

you go girl. you can do it. I have lost 15 lbs since last summer and that is huge for me and all my meds. If I can’ you can.
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Carrie February 12, 2014 at 11:21 am

Thank you. Thank you, thank you!

That’s all I want. About 15 lbs and I’ll be good to go. And I wanna be healthier. And I wanna have more energy.

Love you for the encouragement!! =)
Carrie recently posted..I’m going back to my single ways because I’m done and I’m tired and I’m totally over it. And so are my skirts.My Profile

Bobbi February 26, 2014 at 11:04 am

I need way more then 15; 30 9s more like what I need.
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Jennifer February 12, 2014 at 11:34 am

I would LOVE some yogurt and granola.
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Carrie February 12, 2014 at 12:58 pm

I’ve all but become addicted. It’s so bad I have to make sure I don’t do too much or I might as well be eating a Big Mac calorie-wise.

Barbara February 12, 2014 at 11:51 am

Get it girl! That’s fantastic.

Carrie February 12, 2014 at 12:59 pm

It feels good.

It’ll feel really good when crap ain’t tight anymore, but I know you gotta start somewhere. And having the fam with me helps tons.

Lisa Hewitt February 12, 2014 at 1:32 pm

“Scream for mercy at the seams of the ass” – That is poetry. What kind of yoga are you doing? I can’t seem to find one that I can actually do. Surprising, I know. I am avoiding the whole “getting sweaty” thing, but I am sure you will (if you haven’t already) get all healthy and crap.

Carrie February 12, 2014 at 2:06 pm

I can be quite poetic if given the opportunity. Ehem.

Hatha yoga. I’m taking a beginner’s class. I did it about 5-6 years ago for several months and it’s one of those things in life I don’t know why I stopped. I didn’t want to jump back in so starting with a beginner’s class.

The instructor keeps telling us to remember you “practice” yoga…you don’t “do” yoga. Meaning, you do what feels best for you. There should never be any judging on how someone does compared to others. THAT helps me.

I don’t sweat in yoga. It’s extremely relaxing for me and mostly just poses and stretching. It makes my “gym” soreness go away quicker so that lessens the odds of me quitting.

Just move to Austin and go with me. Tell your husband it was my suggestion.

Val February 12, 2014 at 3:05 pm

WOOHOO, way to jump on the wagon. I’m climbing back up to the wagon but I’m not telling anyone. That just sets me up for failure lately. I’ll just quietly do it and hope I quietly fit back into my fat pants. I’m really tired of my sweats starting to yell at me.

Proud of you! I can’t wait to start running and get that high again. I’m so out of shape it’s going to take a while for the high to come back lol
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Carrie February 12, 2014 at 3:45 pm

Too late. Now “I” know. You’ll do it.

God knows if I can do it and THEN start to like it, friggin anybody can. I used to drive 3 miles out of my way just so I wouldn’t have to pass the gym and look at it.

I’m no exercise junky. Believe me. But thank you…I appreciate the support, sister.


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