If I’m the only one high-fiving me I’m fine with that because I did this for me.

April 10, 2014 in Crap I Was Considerate Enough to Not Bother You with Before Now.,The Very Few Times I'll Admit to Having a Soul

Last night I got a little irritated with the family.

Or maybe aggravated.

(Is there a difference between those two?)

Then I realized I was really irritated and/or aggravated with me and they were just an easy blame.

Let me do a little back-tracking.  I’ll keep it short.

I’ll start with the subject of my irritation with my slightly aggravating family.

It’s here.

SheShines

That’s it.  The book.

I’ve never wanted to sky dive.  Or climb Mount Everest.  Or ride in a hot air balloon.

Or even ride a mechanical bull.

(OK.  That’s a lie.  Since the first of my 72 times of seeing Urban Cowboy, I’ve wanted to ride a mechanical bull.)

(I also wanted my name to be Sissy, but that’s another story.)

Some people probably wanna go gorilla trekking or swim with manatees.  Not me.

Nope.

I just wanted to see my name and something I wrote in a real, live book that real, live people would read.

Last August, I received an email from a friend of a friend of a friend who somehow came across my babbling here (thank you, blog…you finally paid off!) and asked if I’d be interested in submitting a writing to a book she was doing.

A book that would be full of inspirational stories from women who have tackled life and conquered fears and walked away doing ok.

I laughed.  Inspirational?  Really now?

Then I got nervous.

What could “I” possibly write about that would inspire or motivate anyone to do anything other than roll their eyes or punch their monitor?

I politely thanked her for her offer, but felt other women who have maybe, oh I don’t know, maybe survived cancer or survived an addiction or survived gorilla trekking would be of better use to the pages in her book she was offering me.

She refused that drivel and suggested I come up with something and have it in her inbox by the end of September.

Damn.

OK.

I went blank.  It took me over a week to put anything on paper only to destroy it 13 times and re-write it 19 times.

Then I still hated it.

So, I did it one last time.  And I liked it.  I was happy.

I sent it to her.

It was accepted.

I told no one for a while.  I just kept my little happy secret to myself.  I was giddy.  Giggly.  Stupid.  Nervous.  Elated.  Ridiculous.

I was going to see my name and something I wrote in a real, live book that real, live people would read.

Me.  I was.  And so would people I didn’t know and would never know.  And sweet Jesus what if one of them was inspired?  Probably not, but what if?!?

I finally started bubbling over and told momma and the husband and my girl and who ever else was standing around within screaming distance to hear me.

Months went by and editing took forever and I finally received notice it could be ordered.

On Amazon.  And Barnes and Noble soon.

(I crapped.)

(Those are real, live places to get real, live books.  Not just the ones made up in my head.  Real ones.  That real, live people read.)

I ordered mine on Amazon this last Monday.  It arrived yesterday Wednesday.

I was home alone and scratched and tore at the unbelievably great packaging they do to keep those books from getting opened when it arrives.  And I was glad I was alone.  I didn’t know if I’d laugh or cry or crap.

And I wanted to be alone whichever it was.

I’m page 104.  I flipped it open fast.

There I was.

I cried.  A little.  But I did.

(Here’s where the irritation and/or aggravation comes in.)

Keith and Cayla came home.

He had a long day at work and she was exhausted from softball practice and the previous night of late night studying for a test in some class I can’t pronounce because kids take classes way beyond anything I took in high school these days.

I showed them the book.  I showed them my pages.

Here’s what I got.

Cayla:  “How cool!  That’s a cute picture…is my name in there?”

Keith:  “Wow, baby…it’s finally here!  That’s great…let’s go get something to eat and I wanna read it when we get back.”

(Are you kidding me?  This was one of the biggest moments of my life and she wanted to know if her name was in it and he wanted to read it after pizza??)

(I’m not sure what I wanted, but can somebody jump or high-five me or shoot off a bottle rocket or maybe even a weak little ‘whoop whoop’ or a bad version of that little dance PeeWee Herman does on the bar of that biker place to that song “Tequila” in that movie he did???)

It was half-way through that bad pizza dinner, during conversations of what he did at work that day and things that happened at softball practice, that I realized:

I did this for me.  Not for anyone else.  For me.

Then that’s when I got irritated and/or aggravated at me.  For expecting them to provide my happiness and excitement.

Only I can do that.

And I did it.

I made it.  Into a book.  A real, live book that real, live people would read.

(Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not being all stupid and unappreciative.  My family is hugely supportive of everything I do.  Giant-ness-ly.  I think I just got so into it I thought it was as big a thing for them as it was for me.  But hey, I don’t hoop and holler at softball games and I don’t get all goosebumpy over going to the rifle-range.  I guess that makes us all even.)

We got home and I played it cool.  I took a shower, made his lunch for the next day, then hopped in bed.

I put on my glasses and turned to page 104.

It was then I really saw “my” name and something “I” wrote in a real, live book that real, live people would read.

And I high-fived myself.

 

She Shines

Kim Cass & Patti King

http://www.amazon.com/She-Shines-Kim-Cass/dp/1618637762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397140493&sr=8-1&keywords=she+shines

Rachel Brown April 10, 2014 at 9:37 am

Congratulations!!! I’m so happy and proud for you. I’m buying the book. I look forward to reading it and more of your blog. I didn’t know you had one. I’m glad I do now.

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 9:44 am

Rachel, you have always been such a gem. Thank you…love, love, love.

Devin Stelly April 10, 2014 at 9:41 am

I will high five you in a couple of weeks. Awesome job!

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 9:43 am

Thank you!! And I can’t wait!!

Peggy Scarborough April 10, 2014 at 10:07 am

Never had a doubt!
By the way, Mother’s Day is coming up! Lol!
Always proud! Love you to infinity…

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 10:15 am

Thanks, Mom…you and dad have been the bomb tolerating my waiting on this.

Love you back. More.

Jennifer April 10, 2014 at 10:40 am

Y’all should take a visit back to the old hometown for Mother’s Day and come to my show. Hint. Hint. Or you know, I guess you could go to the one in Austin.
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Carrie April 10, 2014 at 10:53 am

Girl, I wish I could. You know, I am so proud of you for tackling this. You are making so many memories for so many people.

This “Listen To Your Mother” that you’re doing will be the best one ever…no doubt in my mind.

DOD April 10, 2014 at 10:23 am

… never ever been more proud of you …
Love you very much,
DOD

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 10:29 am

Awww…thanks, Dad! Don’t make me all sappy.

Love you tons. TONS.

Patti King April 10, 2014 at 10:32 am

I cried and thought OMG!!! I can actually relate to this 100%. I am so proud of you Carrie, on so many accounts! HIGH FIVE TO YOU! the fact that being in She Shines meant so much to you!!!!! Thank you for sharing this incredibly brave story!!!

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 10:48 am

Thank YOU, Patti. You and Kim allowed me to do something I never thought possible. I never even told many people I wanted something like this.

That old fear of “You can’t do it” and “What can you write?” and “Uh, yeah right…whatever.”

So, I thank you and Kim from the bottom of my heart. This is big stuff for me. =)

Love, love, love.

Jennifer April 10, 2014 at 10:38 am

They should have hooped and hollered with you. They just should have. Even if they didn’t get it. Next time call me and I’ll be all kinds of excited with you.
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Carrie April 10, 2014 at 10:51 am

Eh? Maybe. But they are the hoopin’ and hollerin’ that gets me through each day.

They are both so good to me and it was a lesson I needed. I can’t depend on others to provide my happiness. Only I can do that. And I can’t provide it for others. Only others can do that for themselves.

Keith read it and went on and on about it and keeps saying I should write a book. But, uh I don’t think so. Way too much work. Plus then it would become a job and I probably wouldn’t enjoy it as much.

Chrissy April 10, 2014 at 11:16 am

High five, clank of the wine glasses and I’ll throw in a fried chicken leg and chocolate icing! !! This is amazing, I know that you have always inspired, motivated and supported me when I needed it..
So practice your autograph because I want you to sign page 104 of my book.

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 11:20 am

HAHA!!! Fried chicken leg and chocolate icing!

LIFE IS COMPLETE!

Oh, wow. That last line kinda makes me sappy. Thank you, Chrissy…wow.

Love you, sister. =)

Lisa Guedry April 10, 2014 at 12:48 pm

CARRRRRIIIIIEEEEE!!!!! This is A-FREAKIN-MAZING!!!! I am sooooo ordering my copy RIGHT NOW!!!! I’m high fiving you from Silsbee, Texas! You never cease to amaze me….you got more spunk and determination than most and I’m damn proud of you!!!! Keep on keepin on, Sister!!!! Love you!

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 12:54 pm

Awww….thank you, Lisa!! The wait was the hardest part and I kept telling myself it ain’t happening. Something will break and it won’t happen. So, when I got the notice it was ready to order, oh I kinda FREAKED!!

Thanks again. Love you tons!

L. Hewitt April 10, 2014 at 2:41 pm

I am so very proud for you! Of course you can write a book, but I’ll go ahead and order this one till you do. Congratulations and I’m not even gonna be a smart-ass or anything! I am a little weepy and just so proud! tickled pink.

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Aww…God love it!! I’M A LITTLE WEEPY, TOO!

We’ll be weepy together.

And thank you for your encouragement and constant fun you bring to my blog and Facebook! Heck, I talk about you like I know you to Keith!!

Lots of love!!! =)

Avah Helton April 10, 2014 at 8:48 pm

Just ordered the book and cannot wait to jump to page 104~~~may even have one of the girls take a picture of me high fiving you ;) so happy for you friend!!!

Carrie April 10, 2014 at 8:59 pm

OHMYGODTHATWOULDBESOAWESOME!

Thank you, Avah…thank you, thank you!!

The giddiness had just about subsided but you brought it right back to the surface!! =)

JoAnn Sifuentez April 10, 2014 at 9:35 pm

Finally got a chance to read your blog today.

Didn’t finish. Got to where you said you were able to order the book.

Ordered my copy.

And now I’ve finished reading the blog.

Love you and am so damn proud of you! !

Carrie April 11, 2014 at 7:36 am

Thank you so much, JoAnn…you have always been the best. Always.

=)

Adelyn April 11, 2014 at 7:20 am

So awesome!! Congrats. I wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut…(rabbit trail here but I went to the dentist and the hygienist told me I had a small mouth. Ha! Guess she doesn’t know me..)

Can’t wait to read the whole book!
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Carrie April 11, 2014 at 7:38 am

It is really great. Lots of neat and smart women in it. They’ve tackled struggles I would have never dreamed of.

And then there’s me. =)

I’m proud to be amongst such a good group…I think you’re really gonna love it. =)

CarriesExpKtchn April 11, 2014 at 9:41 am

Congratulations Carrie and I can completely relate to your feelings. When my book finally arrived, I was literally shaking with excitement to see my name on something. The family was excited and proud of me, but they didn’t express their happiness like I had hoped they would. I also realized that I did it for me and no one else and I was ok with that. I was happy enough for all of us. So here is a REALLY BIG HIGH FIVE coming your way from me. I’m proud of you and can’t wait to get the book for myself. =)
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Carrie April 11, 2014 at 9:48 am

YOU GET IT!! Thank you! I thought maybe I was being a jerk but that’s when it hit me: WHO did I do this for?

Me. Just me.

There’s something magical seeing your name and words on a page for others to read. Congrats to you, too…and a big, giant high-five right back!

CarriesExpKtchn April 11, 2014 at 9:50 am

There certainly is and thank you!
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Traci Carter April 11, 2014 at 9:54 am

Sweet!!! High-five!! (or low-five in our case) Soo proud of MY cousin the author!

Carrie April 11, 2014 at 11:03 am

LOW-FIVE!! That is hysterical!! And well, so right.

=)

Thank you, Traci…I appreciate it, sweetie!

Val April 11, 2014 at 2:10 pm

BIG HIGH-FIVE! That’s so awesome!
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Carrie April 11, 2014 at 2:42 pm

Thanks so much! It’s a pretty big thing to me. One of those “never-ever-thought-I-could-but-what-the-heck-do-I-have-to-lose?” kind of things!!

katie metzroth April 14, 2014 at 2:32 pm

um.
high fiving yourself is called clapping.

but seriously, WAY TO GO! You’re an author. whee!!!!!
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Carrie April 15, 2014 at 12:10 pm

So, ok. I guess maybe it IS clapping. But do expect anything less from me??

Thank you, thank you! =)

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