…and this is why you’ll probably ask yourself later, “Hmmm…why is she posting her resume’?”

July 2, 2014 in Me and My Public Self,Stuff I Should Think About Regretting Later

Because the office sent out an email.

And I responded.

Which was my first mistake.

I’ve worked with these people for nine heavenly years so they know me like a well-read-then-thoughtlessly-discarded-and-tossed-on-a-dusty-bookshelf-then-later-pulled-back-out-to-read-with-delight-again book.

It’s their own fault if they’re ever shocked, surprised or caught off guard.

Nothing should ever surprise them.

(Sweet Mother of Corporate America…come on!  Nine years!)

Though I work in a professional atmosphere and there’s always suits roaming around looking all business-y and busy and like they’re thinking about golf, the following may or may not have been said in meetings or in my cubicle of maturity:

“Carrie, please say nothing and keep that ridiculous comment that we can read all over your smirky face to yourself.”  (When the word ‘dongle’ was mentioned.  And I still don’t know or care what it is.  I just couldn’t help it though.  Dongle?  Really?  That is the universe begging me to say something.)

“No.  Nobody wants to feel how long the hair on your legs is.”  (I was just simply trying to break the ice during a long lull of serious quietness.  And some intense staring across the conference table.)

“We’re trying to start this meeting.  Could you not have buttered your toast before now?  And stop slurping that coffee.  It can’t be that hot.”  (I was hungry.)

“Can you please turn your radio down?  We appreciate you know the words to Rappers Delight, but we’re trying to conduct a conference call in the next office.”  (Sometimes I need a cubicle party.  Pardon moi for trying to stay awake on your time.)

You get it.

Nine years of this.  It’s their own fault.

They’re the ones who hired me.  Not me.


Prior to entering my cubicle of maturity….here’s what they must pass by.  So they know what they’re in for.

I’m simply doing THEM a favor:

Signs 1


Listen.  I’m just trying to be a good corporate citizen so no one is caught off guard and fully prepared at all times.

Name Plate

(And you know that vacation sign stays up year ’round.)

(Because year ’round, I’m on vacation.)

(And they will all totally vouch for that.)

But now, let me tour you through the inside of my cubicle of maturity and you’ll see that there ARE co-workers who DO appreciate me and my display of competence:

Love Comments

One of those little love notes may or may not be from a vice-president.

So, there.

It may be nine long years for some of these fools, but there are some who seem to understand my mental status.

And appreciate it.

Anyway.  Back to the possible need to update my resume.

An email was distributed to a group of us.  About 12 folks on that email.  Folks of all ranking.  Senior vice-presidents, vice-presidents, management, admins, and then me.

It was asking if we all wanted to go out for lunch Thursday or would we rather have lunch brought in and eat at the office.

(We get to ditch this juke joint early on Thursday and the office is closed on Friday for the holiday.)

(Thank you, sweet Jesus of lean brisket and baked beans.  Cause that’s what we’re having.)

It’s a common, unspoken rule that you are usually safe if you DO NOT hit “reply to all” when replying to an email.

Which is precisely what I did.

On purpose.

With this.  And this only.

Lunch With Coworkers

So, should I include a list of references or wait until they’re asked for?

And what about history of employment?  How many years back do I list?



Hey, remember…if you want me to wake you up every time I spew something out into the universe here, just enter your email up there in the top right corner, where it says “email” (duh) and I’ll blow up your inbox with my wisdom.

Cause really…who doesn’t want that??

Email Blog

Lisa Hewitt July 2, 2014 at 11:21 am



1st link is for today.
2nd link is to my humor board.
You can use me as a personal reference and now you know why I am not in the “public”

Carrie July 2, 2014 at 11:29 am

THIS is sure to get me that once-in-a-lifetime gig.

I am sure to be forever in your debt now.


regina July 2, 2014 at 12:24 pm

Um yeah. Can’t wait to see what they have to say about that. I’m sure they are giggling. But what exactly is that one nice in your face, meanie in email chicka gonna say?
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Carrie July 2, 2014 at 12:28 pm

She loved it.

I could hear her giggling. She emailed me back with “I love this!”

She’s so evil in a pure and sweet kind of way.

It’s pretty genius. =)

Joy Christi July 2, 2014 at 2:35 pm

hahahaha Oh I remember all the “Reply to All” abusers, at least if they were FUNNY we may have appreciated some of those! I would LOVE to work with you, though we probably wouldn’t get much done! Either that or we would become so super efficient, getting 8 hours of work done in 1 hour, so we could focus the rest of the day on office pranks!
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Carrie July 2, 2014 at 3:08 pm

Oh, I’m quite sure we’d have a ball. But believe me when I say, I don’t have to work with anyone to NOT get crap done. =)

And I will confess. When I’m the ONLY one in the office, I can get what feels like a week’s worth of stuff done in about 1/2 a day.

Odd how that happens. =)

Beth July 2, 2014 at 7:25 pm

I NEED the sign that says: “Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9.” NEEEEEED it. It would not only explain some of the people I come in contact with, it will also confuse the hell out of them too. 2 birds with 1 stone.

Carrie July 2, 2014 at 7:29 pm

….and THAT is exactly what it does.

As well as weeds out the ones I really don’t wanna spend much time chatting with.


Caroline July 2, 2014 at 7:41 pm

Oh Carrie!! I bet your job is safe, for now. I’m sure that everyone got a good chuckle. I said it before and will say it again, we’d make great office buddies.

Did you hear about the time I asked my boss “which Dick do you want?” Yeah, that was an awkward moment.
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Carrie July 3, 2014 at 8:12 am

HAHAHA!!! “Which Dick do you want?!?” Priceless. Classic. Epic. Friggin awesome.

You’re the bomb, girl…love!!! =)

Adelyn July 3, 2014 at 8:25 am

I would work with you in a minute. A. Minute. My school is looking for a 6th grade teacher…can you imagine?!?!
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Carrie July 3, 2014 at 8:39 am

Girrrrrl…”I” am the last person you’d want teaching 6th graders!

Can you even imagine!?!

You’d have parents calling all day with, “Why is my kid saying ‘friggin’ all the time now?” and “Since when did ‘asshat’ become an appropriate word for left lane drivers?”

I don’t think you realize just how easy you have it right now!


Adelyn July 3, 2014 at 11:07 am

Yes….but we would have so much fun in the meantime. 😉 But yes, point taken. 😉
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Carrie July 3, 2014 at 2:10 pm

You ain’t kidding…the kids would be terrorized, but WE’D have a ball! =)

Hanz Fashionista Era July 3, 2014 at 11:06 am

Well All i can sayis your company is damn lucky to have the funniest and cutest person like you workng for them. SO yeah its a favor haha..!! Crack me up as always…sorry darling i havent been as regular. motherhood has taken over and i promise to drop by more….hugsssssssss

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Carrie July 3, 2014 at 2:12 pm

Girl, you’ve got your hands full!! Love hearing from you anytime…=)


Amber July 3, 2014 at 7:42 pm

Ha, I think we all need a cubicle party once in awhile 🙂
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Carrie July 4, 2014 at 12:16 pm

You ain’t kidding.

The boss would just like for me to maybe not have quite so many. =)

Lisa Newlin July 5, 2014 at 8:19 pm

First off, don’t you know there’s spray butter? Why do the work with the knife when you can just spray instead?

And yes, I do want to see how long your leg hair is. I also want so many more of those signs. Please keepu us updated with your musings. They’re brilliant.

Smell the number 9….hilarious.
Lisa Newlin recently posted..The First Edition of Tinder Tuesdays!My Profile

Carrie July 8, 2014 at 8:34 am

Girl, after reading about some of the stuff your husband says, YOU if anyone would find humor in that stuff!

And the leg hair? I finally put an end to that. Starting all over with the new growth this week.

connie July 7, 2014 at 1:24 pm

How did that go over? HA!
connie recently posted..My Last Text to my BrotherMy Profile

Carrie July 8, 2014 at 8:38 am

Nothing surprises them.

It’s like I’m the stepchild in the office that everyone just tolerates.

To the best of their ability.

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