If there is anything you need to know about keeping your job and I’m not around you can always hit up the internet and see if she can help.

August 20, 2014 in Crap I Was Considerate Enough to Not Bother You with Before Now.

Thank goodness for the internet.

Especially web sites on the internet.

Those web sites on the internet with information.  Informative stuff.  The can’t-go-another-minute-without-knowing-this-crap-or-you-will-forever-not-know-this-crap kind of stuff.

Like:

A.  What color some Kardashian paints her toenails

B.  How to know if you’re in a good relationship or if you should get a dog

C.  What percentage of water to look for in your celery

Because of the internet and the web sites on the internet that have the articles with such informative information, I now know how to keep my job and stay on good terms with bosses.

Because it said so.

(Like “I” need more know-how on how to know if the bosses love me?)

(Or not.)

According to this little informative informational article with the informative information that I felt compelled to jam between my ears, if I say these things at the work joint, the bosses are sure to hate me.

(Oh, reeeeeeeally?)

1. “That’s not how we did it at my old job.”

I’ve been at my current job for over 79 years.  This IS my old job.  Therefore, this IS how we did it at my old job.  I’m safe on this one.

2.  “So-and-so isn’t doing his work.”

I’m too busy trying to look busy to be concerned with whether anyone else is busy or is not busy doing their work.  Plus, I really don’t care if anyone else is busy as long as they’re not busy bothering me while I’m trying to look busy.  Therefore, safe on this one, too.

3. “How’d I do? How’d I do? How’d I do?”

Never in my 207 years in the workforce have I ever uttered these words.  And don’t plan to.  Still safe.

4.  “That’s not my job.”

No one is really all that sure exactly what my job is, anyway.  Though I’ve never spewed these words out for any other ears to hear, it would do me no good.  It’d be more like me to ask, “Is THIS my job?”  Apparently, safe again.

I will sleep much better now, my family will continue to have A/C, the car will not be repossessed, the dog will continue to eat, and that bottle of chardonnay will be bought, all because I now know what not to say to stay on good terms with the bosses.

So, many thanks to the internet and the web sites on the internet with the informative informational information.

May the bosses continue to tolerate me for another 94 years.

Lisa Hewitt August 20, 2014 at 3:13 pm

I’m going to keep this somewhere, just in case I ever work again. And what kind of asshat says that sort of stuff?

Carrie August 20, 2014 at 8:32 pm

Asshats on Yahoo…that’s who.

I was kinda insulted just reading it.

Joy Christi August 20, 2014 at 3:32 pm

hahaha OH if I had even a nickel for every STUPID Facebook quiz people post everywhere, “Which letter of the alphabet are you?” WHO CARES????
Remember when the internet was full of useful information?
Oh that was the day.
(And probably only ONE day.)
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Carrie August 20, 2014 at 8:35 pm

I know.

I think I took a quiz the other day to help me determine what SONG I am.

Song. Yes, song.

Put me away, will you?

Adelyn August 20, 2014 at 6:52 pm

I am truly amazed the type of advice that is out there. It is so obvious…but then I do hear people saying these things…ugh.

Carrie August 20, 2014 at 8:33 pm

Yep. You can find advice and info on just about anything. Who needs Dear Abby?!?

Caroline August 20, 2014 at 7:03 pm

I’m so confused. You look barely over 21. How is that you’ve been working there for 198 years?
Caroline recently posted..Orange Is Not The New Black.My Profile

Carrie August 20, 2014 at 8:34 pm

I moisturize. A lot.

=)

(21? Yes, I love you for that.)

The Shitastrophy August 21, 2014 at 11:22 am

I am always shocked what people search to get to me – are brains not used at all anymore? Wait don’t answer that…I’ll google it.

Carrie August 21, 2014 at 11:46 am

It’s all mush upstairs when you can just do the Google.

Why think at all?

=)

Teri August 21, 2014 at 3:52 pm

I read on The Google that it’s okay to slap a co-worker if they piss you off. It was on the internets, so it must be true. I read on the internets that they can’t put anything on the internets that isn’t true. Right?
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Carrie August 22, 2014 at 8:10 am

And that would be correct.

If it’s there…it’s true.

Yes. =)

katie metzroth August 21, 2014 at 5:13 pm

totally.

I did think the other day when LinkedIn had an article on, “How to Be a Work Superstar.”

Here’s how that article would look if I’d written it:
1. Stop reading articles on how to be a work superstar and get to work.
The End.
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Carrie August 22, 2014 at 8:11 am

Brilliant.

That would have been one brilliant article.

Michelle August 26, 2014 at 10:04 am

I need to print this out and post it on the office bulletin board..
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Carrie August 26, 2014 at 6:17 pm

I’m seeing there are more than I thought who need to know this stuff.

Which makes me wonder….

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? August 27, 2014 at 2:21 pm

It’s a good thing the internet tells you these things, because I’m sure in another 500 years, you would be out a job!

In the mean, time, my current employers pay crap (moneywise), but pay well with other things (hugs and kisses), but I think I’ve uttered “that’s not my job” a time or two!
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Carrie August 28, 2014 at 7:51 am

And you have, by far, the cutest little employers around.

From employers like yours, hugs and kisses are worth way more than money. =)

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