Thank goodness for the internet.
Especially web sites on the internet.
Those web sites on the internet with information. Informative stuff. The can’t-go-another-minute-without-knowing-this-crap-or-you-will-forever-not-know-this-crap kind of stuff.
A. What color some Kardashian paints her toenails
B. How to know if you’re in a good relationship or if you should get a dog
C. What percentage of water to look for in your celery
Because of the internet and the web sites on the internet that have the articles with such informative information, I now know how to keep my job and stay on good terms with bosses.
Because it said so.
(Like “I” need more know-how on how to know if the bosses love me?)
According to this little informative informational article with the informative information that I felt compelled to jam between my ears, if I say these things at the work joint, the bosses are sure to hate me.
1. “That’s not how we did it at my old job.”
I’ve been at my current job for over 79 years. This IS my old job. Therefore, this IS how we did it at my old job. I’m safe on this one.
2. “So-and-so isn’t doing his work.”
I’m too busy trying to look busy to be concerned with whether anyone else is busy or is not busy doing their work. Plus, I really don’t care if anyone else is busy as long as they’re not busy bothering me while I’m trying to look busy. Therefore, safe on this one, too.
3. “How’d I do? How’d I do? How’d I do?”
Never in my 207 years in the workforce have I ever uttered these words. And don’t plan to. Still safe.
4. “That’s not my job.”
No one is really all that sure exactly what my job is, anyway. Though I’ve never spewed these words out for any other ears to hear, it would do me no good. It’d be more like me to ask, “Is THIS my job?” Apparently, safe again.
I will sleep much better now, my family will continue to have A/C, the car will not be repossessed, the dog will continue to eat, and that bottle of chardonnay will be bought, all because I now know what not to say to stay on good terms with the bosses.
So, many thanks to the internet and the web sites on the internet with the informative informational information.
May the bosses continue to tolerate me for another 94 years.