It’s I-Don’t-Have-To-Be-Me-Weekend and you can bet that’s just who I’m NOT gonna be.

November 12, 2014 in Crap I Was Considerate Enough to Not Bother You with Before Now.

I’m a bit nervous.  Or scared.  Or puzzled.  Or something creepy feeling and unsure and skeptical.

My main squeeze and I are going to the Renaissance Festival this weekend.

With friends.

Dressing up in full costume, as always.

FULL.  COSTUME.

(Because even though I’m not athletic, I’m gargantuanly competitive.)

(Go big-ass big, or go home.)

In the past, our hormonal teenager has called us the following for no reason other than the fact that she is 16 and that alone makes her so wise and worldly and knower of everything there is to know on the face of the Earth:

Old-school
Weirdos
Out of Date
Old folks
Nerds
Losers

Then there is the ever-present eye-rolling and huffing and puffing at almost every move we make.

The reason I am feeling all that crap I started this off with?

She, out of the blue, asked if she could go with us this weekend.

(There goes my weekend of unladylike behavior and debauchery.)

(I don’t know what debauchery means and not even sure I spelled it right.)

I kinda crapped a little.

I mean, I love her and all…but this is my adult weekend to not be me and just throw caution and my bra to the wind.

(Don’t visualize that.)

I can be ridiculous to the hilt and no one cares.  I can be silly and no one stares.  I can use my fake British accent and no one knows any different.

(OK.  We all know they do know different because my southern twang is so heavy there is no way I can pull off a Princess Diana accent.  But I try and the more wine I have the better it gets.)

There’s a festival during the day and masquerade ball at night and you know I’m going to out royalty anyone who has ever thought of donning a tiara.

(I’m unsure on ‘donning’, too….roll with me.)

(NO ONE UNDER 21 ALLOWED AT NIGHT AND YOU MUST HAVE A MASQUERADE MASK TO ENTER.)

(Thank you, Jesus!!  Finally.  I am seeing being old pays off and I promise I won’t point and laugh and sing-song “You’re too young to get in!  You’re too young to get in!!”)

(I kinda promise.  Don’t be watching me around 8:00 Saturday night though, just in case.)

Why?  Why would she want to waste a weekend with US??

Is this some kind of set up?  Is this some kind of plot to make my right eye constantly twitch the whole weekend??

My reply was my mother shooting out of my mouth before I could even realize it:

“You can go, but there are rules.  Not one condescending word is to leave your pie hole.  You will have fun.  You will laugh.  You will smile.  You will NOT roll your eyes at us and you will enjoy yourself whether you like it or not.  You will question nothing we do and you will go in costume.  Yes, you will dress up.  I’m not paying for you to go in those stupid leggings that are not pants and a t-shirt.  No.  You WILL be in costume and you will like it.”

Her reply?

“Great!  I’ve already picked out a costume from the theater department at school!!  They said I could use it just to bring it back clean!”

You’re kidding?

I mean, I just KNEW the going-in-costume part was my saving grace.  My way out without being an old school, out of date, nerdy loser.

My way of saying “NO!” without saying “NO!”

She can only go during the day to the festival.  She can’t go at night to the masquerade ball.  What’s the point??  Why waste a day when you gotta blow off the night?

Keith, my husband, thinks she secretly likes us and sees all the miserably ridiculous fun we have and wants a part of it.

Me?  Not so much.

I was a 16-year-old girl once and hanging with the old folks was NOT my idea of a tea party.

(Unless that tea party was really a beer party in disguise.  Then, fine.)

Then it hit me:  SHE’S GOING BECAUSE OUR FRIENDS THAT ARE GOING ARE BRINGING THEIR KIDS FOR THE DAY AND THEY HAVE HOT SONS.

That’s my girl.  There she is.  She’s going so she can oogle the eye candy.

And all this time, I thought she was out to kill me.  Ruin my life.

When really, she doesn’t give a rats ass if I’m there or not.  Just as long as the hot dudes are.

I must be rubbing off on her.

(Thank you, Jesus!)

Teri November 12, 2014 at 11:30 am

LIGHTBULB Moment. That makes PERFECT sense. I was almost going to say maybe it’s because she secretly LIKES you and really DOESN’T think you’re nerdy old school losers. But it’s obvious, it’s because BOYS.
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Carrie November 12, 2014 at 12:43 pm

Dudes win out over the old folks every single time.

Which is fine. She can be off oogling the dudes while I’m having my chalice refilled with wine.

=)

Lisa Hewitt November 12, 2014 at 1:15 pm

Please tell me you have seen her costume and it has been parent approved. And I Need to see your mask. Now. And, of course, pix of the actual event. By the way, I had to read the title 3 times, you win that sister, by a mile.

Carrie November 12, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Oh, yes. I’ve seen the costume. Very renaissance-y era-ish. It’s good.

I have two masks. Not sure which I’m going to wear.

And I can assure you….you WILL get pics.

Galore.

Adelyn November 12, 2014 at 5:55 pm

Ok. I clearly know teenagers because less than a third of the way in I was saying…”boys. This is about boys”. And then I thought why would she want to dress up in costume?!? And then thought of all the “outfits” I have worn in my day to meet boys. It was the 80’s so you can only imagine….they were definitely costumes.

And thank God for the adult only parties. That is where “you old people” get to drool over your hot dudes. :-). Enjoy.

Carrie November 13, 2014 at 7:17 am

Sister, I’m telling you…I KNEW there was a catch. I mean, just the weekend before we ALL went out in the RV and I finally had to say, “Just be happy. One of these days you’re gonna wish you still had us here to be with. Just be friggin happy.”

She perked up after that.

And to think for a brief moment Keith thought she actually liked us.

Pfft.

Caroline November 13, 2014 at 5:27 am

As a mom with 2 kids out of the house and third on her way out, I thought your teen might want to go because she knew she needed you. I was imagining some friend issues that might be bothering her and she just wanted to hang with mom and dad. Of course, she’d still be a pill because teenagers are jerks and can’t articulate their emotions well.

BUT, you mentioned boys. Cute boys.

I retract all previous assumptions.

You know this means someone has to chaperone the teens, right?
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Carrie November 13, 2014 at 7:19 am

See? You moms are the bomb. Y’all make me see IT AIN’T ME. I’m not the crazy one.

I think we’re just gonna tie’em all the teenagers to trees when we go to the Masquerade Ball that night. And maybe put some bread out.

(Kinda kidding. Kinda.)

=)

Belinda November 13, 2014 at 5:37 am

omg! Have a great time! We took the kids (a once in a lifetime thing…seriously, next time we go alone) to NYC ComiCon this year and we went full costume! Have fun!

Carrie November 13, 2014 at 7:21 am

I’m telling you, last year was the first year Keith and I had gone and we did the full costume. ONLY WAY TO GO.

We had more fun and more laughs NOT being us for a weekend. It was fantastic.

Then the teenager sees all the fun and either:
1. wants to be in on it
2. ruin it

I can’t figure just yet which. =)

Val November 13, 2014 at 9:57 pm

DAMMERS! How do the twerps always know exactly which times to barge in and ruin the fun?

I can’t help but laugh. I bow to you. My kids are a lot like me because I’ve had since birth to ruin them. You have had less time and she’s still turning into you! WAY TO GO!!!

But seriously, I hope you post a family picture. Because how adorable! I hate when it’s super cool they want to do stuff with you (even though we know it’s for a different reason) but you don’t really want them there. File that under: #parentingproblems
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Carrie November 14, 2014 at 8:41 am

You know, this honestly started out as our adult weekend. I can get a little tipsy, a little silly, a little too laugh-y. And now? But I know the day will come when we both wish she was still around to do stuff with us rather than off at college or something.

You’ll definitely get pics. I can assure you that! =)

katie metzroth November 14, 2014 at 3:44 pm

Thank goodness you figured it out bc I was so confused. I hope you all enjoy yourselves and I look forward to the pics!
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Jessica November 22, 2014 at 10:10 am

What is with these kids and leggings? Wait, it’s not just the kids. The moms are wearing them too. DRIVES me INSANE.

She is going to find that, even beyond the hot boys she’ll googly eye, she’s going to have a ton of fun. I can’t wait to try and get back and read the recap. I say try because I’ve sucked at blogging or reading any blogs in the last…oh, 2 years. But I’m here and anxious for the recap.

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