This Daniel is probably part of the reason my hair is frazzled and I’m living in a fog and I don’t even know who this Daniel is.

June 25, 2015 in Stuff I Should Think About Regretting Later

Here’s just a few snippets of stupid crap that’s happened around the house over the last few days.

(And if you think that hormonal teenager was involved in this stupid crap, you’d be right.)

(What gave it away? The ‘stupid crap’ part?)

Anyway.

ME: “You want me to bake you a potato?”

HER: “Yes, and don’t forget to poke holes in it with a fork. Wait…I’ll just do it.”

ME: “Uh, trust me. I know to fork the potato then wrap it in foil.”

HER: “No, I’ll do it. I can do it better.”

ME: “Good. Maybe you can do the dishes and sweep the floor better, too.”

(WHAT THE WHAT? She can fork the potato BETTER?)

(Who, with anything more than tree sap for brains, says that?)

(Coming from the one who wrecked her daddy’s truck after driving it less than 2 miles down the road.)

(Coming from the one who has a room that smells like feet.)

(Ehem.)

ME: “Sweetie, can you please wipe off the table and put the place mats and flowers back on it?”

HER: “Sure.”

(Why is this stupid crap? Because she did exactly as she was told.  And not one iota more.)

(Iota – [ahy-oh-tuh] – not one ounce more.)

(I failed to also ask her to also remove the two water glasses prior to wiping the table.)

(So, she simply wiped around the two water glasses, put the place mats down, put the flowers back in place, and went to her room.)

(To rest.  Because she worked four hours that day.)

(Four.  Hours.)

(Four.)

(Leaving the water glasses untouched on the table.)

(How do I spell out the huge eye-roll I promptly did at that time?)

ME: “Oh, I’m supposed to find out for your dad, about this dude you went out with last night, but we’ll just tell him I nosed around because I already know all I need to know.”

HER: “What? How do you know I…wait, I never told you I went out with a guy.  And I didn’t go out with a guy.  What are you talking about?

ME:  “Yes, you did.”

HER:  “How do you know then?”

ME:  “Because you ran out of here to pick up your dry cleaning and paid for it yourself.  Then before you left for work, you put on makeup and actually ran a comb through your hair rather than just a lop-sided pony-tail.  You wore cute clothes, sandals and perfume.  Not your typical gym shorts, tennis shoes and ratty pony-tailed hair with mascara smudged under an eye.  I asked you what you were doing after work and you said, ‘Going to the movies’ however, you never volunteered up WHO you were going with and any other time you tell me what you’re doing, you follow it up with who.”

HER:  “You are so creepy!”

ME:  (I just stare.  No reaction.  Just a deadpan stare.)

HER:  “His name is Daniel.  We’re just friends.”

(I knew a dude was involved.  Without words.)

(“Creepy” for $400, Alex.)

During the middle of all this stupid crap going on, this surprises us on the kitchen bar:

Flowers

(I told you about it on Facebook…remember?)

FB Flowers

Again.  WHO DOES THIS?

We are so “awkward” and “odd” and “creepy” and “just really weird” so we get flowers and chocolates and a card telling us how she loves us so much and appreciates everything we do for her even though she may not always tell us but she knows how lucky she is to have us?

Really??

Is this what frazzle-haired mom’s who look like they’re living in a fog mean when they say:

“Raising teenagers is like being pecked to death by a chicken.”

And…

“Teenagers are the sole reason God created wine.”

And…

“Reasoning with a teenager is like trying to nail Jello to the wall.”

Because that frazzle-haired mom living in a fog is slowly becoming me.

Rather quickly.

We go from hot-to-cold-to-colder-to-lukewarm-to-scorching-to-cold-again-to-no-water-running-at-all within seconds around this house.

(It’s that damn whoever-he-is-Daniel.  I just know it is.)

L. Hewitt June 25, 2015 at 9:30 pm

I was wondering what that was about. Teenagers, the stupidiest smart people on the earth. Or the smartest stupid people. I finally broke the news to my son – so many years ago – I. too, had felt this way about grown-ups at his age. His disbelief was borderline ridiculous. Then, one day, I just started acting like a teenage. That shut it down pretty effectively. Who wants to hear their mom rockin oout to some Nirvana or Poppa Roach. Or to be asked for 20 for some gas. Or to be dropped off at the mall. Oh, it was fun.
One thing now- this Daniel – he does know how “supportive” your readers are? As in, we will hurt him. And he can ask his mama just how badly we can hurt him.
On that note – I did make the aformentioned son wait to break up with a girl. I made him wait and let her break up. He understands now. Just hang in there honey. It’s going to be fine. Really it is.

Carrie June 26, 2015 at 7:13 am

Oh, you totally got this down to a science!

Her daddy and I both are such ‘weirdos’, but yet, one night we made her go dancing with us. For a couple of hours, we were actually fun.

Then just last night, her daddy got on to her because she hasn’t done some stuff for her college applications. Immediately, I wasn’t so ‘creepy’…she needed me on her side then.

The sad thing though? Every time she makes me want to bang my head on the wall, I remember doing/saying the exact thing to my folks. Which makes me then feel like a hypocrite.

And I’m not sure on this Daniel dude. We haven’t met him and I can’t make out if this was a true “date” or just hanging together at the movies. Anytime I bring him up (which is seldom because I’m never in the mood for huffing and eye-rolling), she blows it off with, “Really? Him again? He’s just a friend…what else is there to tell?”

So, I give up. And drink.

=)

Adelyn June 27, 2015 at 12:24 pm

I LOVE when teenagers have the look of surprise that you knew something LOOOONNNNGGGGG before they thought of even telling you about it. I taught teenagers in school for 13 years. Loved that look. It is kinda fun when the 9 year old gets surprised…but wow it will be more fun in a few years.

You for the win. Always. Battle vs war. She will get it. And the stealthness of it all?!?…brilliant.

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