Hit or Miss…kinda like my dating life.

With or without panties, we were going to see Chicago.

November 25, 2013
Chicago Text

1.  I got a massage. 2.  I purchased myself a nice little jug of Irish Creme. C.  I proceeded to knock back a couple of mugs of chocolate fudge flavored gourmet coffee that contained shots of said Irish Creme. 4.  I panicked and crapped. My Saturday.  November 23, 2013.  Start off with some good ol’fashioned […]

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I need better signs than what I get now from life even though I probably wouldn’t listen to those better signs anymore than I listen to the not-better signs now.

November 14, 2013
Weiner Dog

Me to me:  “Are you shitting me?  You were just hanging around the house and thought, “let me write some jacked up crap on my car window so I can drive through traffic and see how many honks I can get?” I honked. (Don’t look at the license plate.) (I don’t know why.  I guess […]

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I could call this My Husband’s Butt Hole but that would be totally misleading. In a way. Plus, he’d kill me.

August 11, 2013
Oil Change

I couldn’t stop laughing. Could. Not. Stop. It eventually got to the point I was doing that silent-with-my-trap-wide-open-heaving-hard-and-doing-my-absolute-best-NOT-to-pee-a-little laugh. And it’s stupid. Nobody else would even give it a second thought. Oh, but you sure know I did. Just like I give a second thought to licking both mixing beaters with cake batter on them, […]

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Motherhood and Batwings. A winning combination.

July 5, 2013
Barbie

“Listen.  You’ve got a figure I’d kill a man and a small cat for.  If I was anywhere close to your size, I’d spend the majority of my time walking around naked, slapping on lipgloss and heels,  and the other part of my time would be in jail.  Because I was walking around naked.  Slapping on lipgloss […]

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Bet you never thought you’d see Post-it Notes, a Hippie Van and Zombie-talk in one place, huh? You’re welcome.

June 4, 2013
Car Post It

You know how when you’re on the way to the work joint and you’re just not feeling it and you wish you didn’t stop and get that breakfast taco because now you’re going to be all gassy when you get there and you have run out of co-workers to blame because they’re on to your game and your crap […]

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I’m living with the law and breaking it every day but let’s just keep that between us because what the law doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Or me. So, there.

May 7, 2013
Internet

If you are my husband…here, go read about the infatuation I used to have with Snoop Dogg. Or Snoop Lion.  Or whoever he is now. (And THAT is one of the very reasons I am over Snoop.  I mean, who in their right mind just up and changes their name?) (Snoop.  That’s who.) Anyway.  It’ll […]

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Roofers and an earthquake I can tackle. Small, buggish things in the night? Not so much.

August 14, 2012

I’m a pretty hard sleeper.  Most of the time. Or so I thought. I’ve slept through a crew of dudes re-roofing the house at 6:00 am…I’ve slept through a screaming alarm I forgot to turn off the night before…I’ve slept through a slight earthquake when the rest of the hotel guests were up and roaming around in […]

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Yes, I deserve to be punched in the neck but don’t because I kinda have some excuses.

August 6, 2012

I know, I know.  Get off my back.  It’s been ages. Somebody punch me in the neck or something.  Where have I been?  What is wrong with me?!? I know. I’ve been…well, busy. Good busy…but busy. I’m just gonna throw out a random sampling of things that have either been going on, happening, making me […]

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I felt old. I felt young. I saw Tom Cruise’s nipples. All in the same 2 hours.

June 21, 2012

“Oh, my GOD!  You will go to the movies alone??”  Totally by yourself??” More than once I’ve heard that crap when I say I don’t mind going to the movies alone. That reaction comes with the same disbelief as if I just said I’ve got a rash with burn. (Or a date.) But anyway.  Yes.  I […]

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Communicating with me really ain’t that bad. If you do it my way.

June 7, 2012

OK.  So, the dude who pays me for dragging up to the office every day and tormenting him, suggested I take a class on “communicating.” Him:  “Hey, we’re doing a class on communicating…you ought to take it.” Me:  “Why?  I communicate fine.  It’s everyone else in this building who needs it.” Him:  “Hey, we’re doing […]

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