Stuff I Should Think About Regretting Later

I don’t care how strong the love is just maybe go away for a little bit so it can get stronger. Yeah.

December 18, 2013
Hunting Text 2

Yes. My marriage is perfection. I love my husband more than a woman should.  I had no idea it was possible to love someone so much and so hard. Even when he’s sitting in his chair and he burps and he doesn’t hear me because he’s so entranced into some dumb cop show on TV […]

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Things got heated up, then Satan spoke, and that’s why there’s a disclaimer.

November 8, 2013

I could say kinda legally this is a guest posting.  But it’s kinda legally not.  It’s still me but my doctor put me on some crap to make my vajazzle do its monthly job and Dear God in heaven it’s making even me question who the hell I am this week. Or who I’m not.  This […]

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Just once a weekend has now turned into what could kinda be a legal addiction to something like crack.

August 27, 2013

Because I was up and on the road for a 6 hour drive at the crack of ass this morning and will be back up at the crack of ass in the morning for another 6 hour drive back home after 5 hours of work is done…I was showered and ready for bed at 6:00 […]

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Now, I don’t suggest you pick a fight with a chicken but if you do…just know it’s gonna totally turn your day around.

August 23, 2013
Beyonce Sombrero

Here’s something I learned yesterday: Do not pick a fight with a chicken. (You’ll look like a full-blown jackass.) (YOU will. Not me. It’s now accepted from me.) It’s rare I have rough days but sweet mother of all things in the universe that hate me…yesterday was the sweet-mother-of-all-things-in-the-universe-that-hate-me day. But that ain’t the big […]

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My mother will now die happy because that crap of “I certainly hope you have a daughter just like you!” came true. Dear God did it ever.

August 5, 2013
Teenage Text

If you haven’t ‘liked’ my Facebook page or if you’re not a friend on there or however you do that, you should be. This here is gonna explain this status update the other day: I called momma earlier this week. She answered. Here’s how it went: Me: I am about to say to you what […]

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Hey Uterus, unless you’re contributing to the mortgage you can keep your trap shut.

July 16, 2013
Haileys Foot

“It’s not even 8:00 in the morning. Do NOT be slamming that door when you go outside!” “Can y’all just stop being so loud?” “Please turn the radio-thing down on your phone. Hey, your radio thing. On your phone. Turn it down. TURN THE FRIGGIN RADIO-THING DOWN ON YOUR PHONE!” “We’ll be at Dairy Queen […]

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I might be old but I know what to do when a dude ditches you. And I probably shouldn’t sound so proud of that.

June 27, 2013
Hanna Text Convo 1

Well, God love it. (Between my daughter and my nieces, I am going to die or end up in prison for dude-burying.) I immediately dialed her number to chat. (Because that’s what girls do when they find out another girl has been ditched.) After we yammered with a little small talk, I shot straight to point. […]

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And here’s what man shoes left on the floor by the bed in a hotel room will get you with me.

May 20, 2013

So, I was in the hotel room this last weekend with my husband and it was late so I was kinda a little bit asleep because we’d been driving for 5 hours and living on gas station snacks because I’m just like my dad and believe in not stopping until we get there and we […]

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It’s about a bag. And me. OK…it’s about two bags. And a brownie.

April 30, 2013
Big Ass Bag 1

Every couple of weeks, I’m required to travel for the job. (“Required?”  I don’t think so.  I begged to take the position.  More like groveled.) (Before I got hitched.) (Now, when I’m gone that one night every other week, it makes Keith miss me.) (Really bad.) (Which is really good.)  (For me.) Anyway. A friend […]

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Apparently lots of hair, ink and skates DO go together. Who would have thought?

July 9, 2012

Because I was invited.  That’s why. When Stacie, the middle sister called and said, “Hey.  Forgot to tell you you’re invited to go with a group of us tonight to the Texas Roller Derby Girls downtown…you’re going right?” “HELLZ YEAH!” was about the only thing that came to mind.  And out of my mouth. (Well, […]

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