Just once a weekend has now turned into what could kinda be a legal addiction to something like crack.

August 27, 2013

Because I was up and on the road for a 6 hour drive at the crack of ass this morning and will be back up at the crack of ass in the morning for another 6 hour drive back home after 5 hours of work is done…I was showered and ready for bed at 6:00 […]

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Now, I don’t suggest you pick a fight with a chicken but if you do…just know it’s gonna totally turn your day around.

August 23, 2013
Beyonce Sombrero

Here’s something I learned yesterday: Do not pick a fight with a chicken. (You’ll look like a full-blown jackass.) (YOU will. Not me. It’s now accepted from me.) It’s rare I have rough days but sweet mother of all things in the universe that hate me…yesterday was the sweet-mother-of-all-things-in-the-universe-that-hate-me day. But that ain’t the big […]

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Somehow, I end up getting more at home when I’m not at home. Coincidence? I think not.

August 19, 2013

Apparently, they expect me to do more than tell others how to do their job and re-apply lipgloss at the work joint. I’m just now getting back on the travel wagon and will be somewhere within the Texas borders for 2 days every other week for a few months. (I’m elated.) (Seriously. Room service. A […]

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I could call this My Husband’s Butt Hole but that would be totally misleading. In a way. Plus, he’d kill me.

August 11, 2013
Oil Change

I couldn’t stop laughing. Could. Not. Stop. It eventually got to the point I was doing that silent-with-my-trap-wide-open-heaving-hard-and-doing-my-absolute-best-NOT-to-pee-a-little laugh. And it’s stupid. Nobody else would even give it a second thought. Oh, but you sure know I did. Just like I give a second thought to licking both mixing beaters with cake batter on them, […]

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My mother will now die happy because that crap of “I certainly hope you have a daughter just like you!” came true. Dear God did it ever.

August 5, 2013
Teenage Text

If you haven’t ‘liked’ my Facebook page or if you’re not a friend on there or however you do that, you should be. This here is gonna explain this status update the other day: I called momma earlier this week. She answered. Here’s how it went: Me: I am about to say to you what […]

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Crickets and pigs and horses and chickens and I guess a jackass if you include me.

July 29, 2013
Cop Pic

I figure if I keep really good people around me, one of two things will happen: 1. Some of their goodness and kindness and do-goodery will rub off or I can somehow scrape some off and use it as if it was mine to begin with, or… B. Other people will just assume I’m as […]

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And to think I thought the Beach Boys would really give a rats ass about my bangs.

July 19, 2013
Me Beach Boys

It was a dark and stormy night. The rain was pounding. The clouds were churning and the thunder was growling. The skies were angry. Angry, I tell you. Angry like a redhead who was at war with nature. Why? I’ll tell you, my friend: BECAUSE WE’VE HAD NO RAIN FOR MONTHS AND THIS OUT-OF-ITS-MIND-STUPID-ASS RAIN […]

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Hey Uterus, unless you’re contributing to the mortgage you can keep your trap shut.

July 16, 2013
Haileys Foot

“It’s not even 8:00 in the morning. Do NOT be slamming that door when you go outside!” “Can y’all just stop being so loud?” “Please turn the radio-thing down on your phone. Hey, your radio thing. On your phone. Turn it down. TURN THE FRIGGIN RADIO-THING DOWN ON YOUR PHONE!” “We’ll be at Dairy Queen […]

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Not all poop is bad because you can look at it more than one way and even though you might not want to…you should.

July 10, 2013
Chicken Leg

Can you talk about poop too much?  Probably. But can “I” talk about poop too much?  Never. At home, it’s a daily topic.  Nothing too detailed, just who did and who didn’t.  And who needs to.  And who should. And who shouldn’t. (At least not when another breathing human is home.) And at work.  The […]

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Motherhood and Batwings. A winning combination.

July 5, 2013

“Listen.  You’ve got a figure I’d kill a man and a small cat for.  If I was anywhere close to your size, I’d spend the majority of my time walking around naked, slapping on lipgloss and heels,  and the other part of my time would be in jail.  Because I was walking around naked.  Slapping on lipgloss […]

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