I might be married to the law but it’s a known truth “I” am the law and if I had no hair you could call me Kojak.

September 17, 2014

Now, we all know I’m the law-breaker in my house and my husband is the law enforcer. He’s a deputy.  I’m not. Doesn’t matter.  I still feel, as a wife, it’s my duty to advise him the best way to do his job that he’s been doing about 25 years that I’ve never done a […]

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There should still be phones ripped out of the walls because then I wouldn’t be filled with guilt right now.

September 8, 2014

My mother was the only CEO of Guilt Trips Dot Com…until she sold her shares to my husband. He bought me perfume. For no reason. No birthday.  No holiday.  No anniversary. Never mind the fact I’ve been leaving my 98% empty bottle by my sink on the bathroom counter each morning. Then it slowly moved over […]

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I’m tired. It’s as simple as that. I’m just tired.

August 28, 2014

It’s rare I ever chose to be serious. At least here, on this blog thing. This blog thing started a few years ago as something like maybe a hobby.  I’ve never liked to write and my high school English teacher, Mr. Atmar, would literally croak if he thought for one minute I put words on paper […]

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If there is anything you need to know about keeping your job and I’m not around you can always hit up the internet and see if she can help.

August 20, 2014

Thank goodness for the internet. Especially web sites on the internet. Those web sites on the internet with information.  Informative stuff.  The can’t-go-another-minute-without-knowing-this-crap-or-you-will-forever-not-know-this-crap kind of stuff. Like: A.  What color some Kardashian paints her toenails B.  How to know if you’re in a good relationship or if you should get a dog C.  What percentage of […]

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A bald head and really bad bangs still just go together. Even if they’re miles apart.

August 8, 2014
Deborah

We met in the second grade in Miss Johnson’s class. We had to sit by each other in those double desks that grade schools had back then.  We immediately hit it off. We gave each other full permission to dig in each other’s cigar boxes. (That was what we had back then…not the fancy stuff […]

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The last thing you need from me is preaching…so just be kind and I’ll spare us all the ridiculousness of it. Plus, I probably can’t see over the pulpit anyway.

August 6, 2014
Email Blog

Yeah, yeah. We went RV’ing last weekend.  You already know this.  And are sick of hearing about it, but don’t click off of here just yet. Our drive to the campground and our way back home had a little something in common. Something most people probably don’t think about or even do on the road. (I […]

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Think you’re gonna be necking at my house? Think again, Mr.-I’m-So-Perfect-at-Being-Perfect.

July 28, 2014
Cayla Job

Yes.  We bought an RV. I will be in a big, floppy hat most every weekend from now on. Keith will be in his mandals more than I ever in my life imagined I’d tolerate. And you’re sick of hearing about the RV and how Keith isn’t too hip on the idea of me plucking down pink flamingo yard […]

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Always, always make it worse than it really is because then it ain’t so bad when it ain’t that bad.

July 25, 2014
Chore List

You know how when you think something is really bad then you find out it’s not as bad as you thought so then the original bad-ness ain’t so bad? OK, I’ll try it again. Let’s say I come in with a new pair of heels.  Clacking all around the kitchen and all over the living […]

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I always think it can’t get any worse and then I realize what an ass is in Spanish.

July 21, 2014
Spanish Words

Sweet mother of all things travel-ly-ish, I have been on the road way too much for me. First, back home to see family and friends for the weekend only to be fashionably traumatized by my dude wearing his mandals on most of the trip. (Mandals = Man Sandals.  Get it?) About 2 days after that little […]

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I didn’t plan this confession but I’ve been to prison and I’m going back. There. Secret is out.

July 9, 2014
Orange is the New Black

I don’t watch much TV. There. Secret is out. I have no time for it. What?  Between bitching about a hormonal teenager who has done nothing but complain about having so-called cabin fever even though she just got back from 8 glorious, fun-filled days in Florida to losing my mind by pretending I’m June Cleaver […]

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